Now and Then - an Aside

Now and Then - an aside

29/1/2016

by Mike Peake

One winter night in 2016, I was driving out of London having dropped my daughter off at her Uni digs after a weekend at home and it reminded me that 27 years previously, I was regularly making the same Sunday night trip after spending the weekend with the future Mrs FB in the nurse’s home at Kings College Hospital.

I started to wax lyrical in my head about how things have changed in this time and indeed, how they haven’t. I thought I would share these thoughts with you.

Calm down, calm down our kid!

Then

Now

1989
I’m 21, fit and handsome.
(We only have Mike's word for this - Ed).

1989
The theme tune at the end of All Creatures Great and Small signifies that it is 8 o’clock and time for me to leave the future Mrs FB until the next weekend.

1989
Wrap up in hat gloves and coat knowing that the asthmatic heater in my 1978 Morris Marina 1.3 deluxe won’t push out anything approaching luke warm air until Newbury.

1989
Fumble about under the dim glow of a street lamp to check my oil, water and dashpot levels are all correct.

1989
Start the engine and push the TDK D90 cassette with Queens greatest hits on it, into the aftermarket tape deck with the built in but pointless 8 channel graphic equaliser. (It looked really cool though)

1989
10 minutes after leaving, it starts to rain. I switch on my wipers and watch them skip and crawl across the screen and wonder if those plastic wind vanes I’ve fitted to the wiper arms serve any other purpose than to look super cool! I also try to position my right leg to avoid the drips from the leaky windscreen seal.

1989
Engine dies while waiting at the traffic lights. Pop the bonnet, jump out and chase the water out of the HT leads with a can of wd40.

1989.
Windscreen is so misted up now that I can’t see so grab the sodden chamois pad and wipe the windscreen. Repeat at regular intervals until home.

1989
Join the M4 and remind myself not to drive at over 55mph or the engine will squirt out all its oil before I get home.

1989
As I drive past Heston services I decide a coffee might be nice so balance the thermos cup on my knee and pour the coffee into the cup and into my lap. Exclaim at the sudden temperature change “down there” and resign myself to driving the rest of the way home with the feeling that I’ve wet myself.

1989
I thank the gods that I have reached J16 of M4 and am nearly home. I try to prize my frozen fingers from the steering wheel ready to manoeuvre round the junctions.

1989
With vast relief that I’ve made it, I pull up outside my cold and empty 2 bed terraced and stagger with a stiff back and legs into my house to make a brew and thaw out.

2016
I’m 47, fat and balding.
(We have photographic evidence - Ed).

2016
The theme tune to Big Bang Theory is playing which signifies nothing as it seems to be on one channel or another 24/7, but it is 8 o’clock and time to leave my daughter until her washing pile reaches epic proportions again or the need for home cooked food reminds her that we exist and we get the phone call to book the taxi. (Me).

2016
Wonder whether to set the climate control to a refreshing 19 degrees or a balmy 22 in my 2012 Honda Civic 2.2CDi SE

2016
Turn on the ignition and wait for the car to tell me if my oil, water or tyre pressures need any attention.

2016
Start the engine and plug in my USB stick with the entire Queen back catalogue among others on it, into the USB slot fitted as standard.

2016
10 minutes after leaving, it starts to rain. Wipers automatically sense the rain and sweep majestically over the screen

2016
Engine dies at the traffic lights. After a moment of panic, I remember it’s just the auto stop start fuel saving system.

2016
Notice that windscreen is starting to mist up slightly. Press the demist button. 10 seconds later, the screen is completely clear, my eyebrows are pointing north and my eyeballs have dried out. So, kill the demist and wonder why I still carry the chamois pad. (Why do eyebrows suddenly forget when to stop growing when you get to 45??)

2016
Join the M4 and can’t drive at more than 55mph because of the traffic and road works. Set cruise control at 55 so I won’t get done by the average speed cameras.

2016
Lift my thermally insulated cup from the centre consul and have another sip. Switch off the heated seat as it makes me feel as though I’ve wet myself.

2016
Slightly surprised to have reached J16 already, I voice activate my hands free mobile phone to dial Mrs FB and let her know I’m nearly home.

2016
Pull up outside my warm and cosy family home and walk in to be welcomed by the loving Mrs FB and youngest daughter bearing a glass of Merlot and bread and cheese for my tea.

My conclusion ...wasn’t every drive back then an adventure?

Next....

Fatbloke and Poppy Pt 1

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