The Fat Lamb - Fatbloke & Poppy Pt 66

By Mike Peake

Hello Chaps. Sorry, it’s been awhile and all has been really quite busy in the Fatbloke household due to narrowly missing redundancy and starting a new job with the same company. However, I wasn’t going to miss this tour. We have been looking forward to the Fat Lamb tour since Paul the Landlord approached us on our stand at the NEC in November 2019 and told us about the packages he offers of 3 nights full board and pre planned tours. The weekend was originally booked for October 2020 but for some reason I can’t quite remember, it had to be postponed to March 2021 and then postponed to October 2021. So, after all the extended anticipation, it was finally here.
 
Cumbria is a very long way away from the sunny climes of Wiltshire, and despite Poppy’s brand new water proof and nearly draft proof new roof and me lying to Mrs FB that I’d fixed Poppy’s heating , Mrs FB was strongly against a 600 mile round trip in Poppy just to get to the venue. Well, I was all for leaving her behind but then Anita had a bit of a brainwave and suggested we hire a trailer for the weekend and take Poppy up behind the modern. I thought the cost of this would be prohibitive but one call to the local trailer hire shop and I’d booked one for little more than the cost of polishing products.
 
Thursday dawned and I set off to collect the trailer and then Poppy from the lockup, loaded her up and strapped her down. I’ve only ever strapped a car to her trailer once before and that was 20 years ago when I first  bought Poppy. It took some fumbling and head scratching but I think I had it all worked out and done marginally quicker and more professionally than Nick and Gar when they trailered the Everards Beer Barrel van to our stand at the NEC.

​With Poppy all loaded and our luggage packed into the spacious boot of my new Mazda CX-5 tow car we headed off on a comfortable, relaxed, draft-free and dry trip to Newcastle on Tyne. Yes, I know. That Fat Lamb isn’t in Newcastle, but my youngest daughter Emily-Fleur is and as we were risking nosebleeds and the bends driving so far north, we thought we’d take the opportunity of visiting her too and helping her look at BMW Minis to buy.

​We didn’t find a Mini to buy. So on Friday afternoon we set off for the short 90 minute drive to Kirkby Steven and the Fat Lamb. Now as I mentioned above, it’s been quite busy and I hadn’t  had time to pay Poppy any attention before our trip other than the usual tyre pressure and fluid checks. In fact, Poppy has been on the Oatcake tour, dear Zebidee’s funeral and the trip to Brumagen to get the new roof fitted since the last time I’d washed her and as a result she was quite besmeared with road dirt and mud splatters. So much so that that Mrs FB said she’d be ashamed to be seen in Poppy amongst all the sparkling, spotlessly gleaming supercars that our tours attract. So on the way, I found a car wash and made Mrs FB wash Poppy.

​After a pleasant drive over the top of England,

​we were one of the first to arrive at our home for the weekend. We unloaded Poppy from the trailer and hid the tow car and trailer in the field next to the pub so our fellow tourers wouldn’t call Poppy a Pampered Trailer Queen. We checked in and waited to greet our fellow guests as they arrived.

Once everyone had arrived and greetings were made, the evening was given over to food, wine, Lorraine’s 21st birthday (for the 29th time), beer, food and wine. Did I mention wine?
 
Anyway the food at the Fat Lamb was really rather excellent and of EPIC portions. So much so, that when Lorraine’s rather delicious looking Baileys Birthday Cake arrived, we were all so full that we couldn’t actually eat any of it. No really!! We were all so ashamed that we took ourselves to bed immediately. Then we went back down to the Bar for more frivolity and shenanigans. All in all, it was a rather good first night.
 
Breakfast the following morning was at the civilised time of 9 o’clock and as per the previous evening, lacked any form of portion control whatsoever. Well at least for those of us staying at the Fat Lamb. However, the Fat Lamb being chock full of increasingly fatter Enthusiasts, there wasn’t room for all of us and some were staying at another guest house about a mile away.
 
So, imagine our shock and horror when well-known gastro king Tosh Brooks put a message in our group chat that all he had was a cold croissant! We all felt very sorry for him and hardly any of us didn’t laugh heartily or waste any time sending him photos or describing in detail our feast of bacon, sausage, egg, black pudding, beans, mushrooms, tomatoes, kippers, coffee,  toast, marmalade, and pots of tea.

After breakfast our host Paul arrived for the morning briefing and presented us daffodil diagrams of our route for the day (Err… I think you mean “Tulip” diagrams Mike - Ed).  Then, we all waddled outside and prepared for the off.

WAKEY, WAKEY MARK!!

​There was one slightly scary moment when Lizzie, Brian’s XJ40 failed to produce so much as a click when the ignition was turned, but Super Enthusiast Man Gus Brooks soon identified and fixed the bad earth responsible and now, we really were ready for the off.

Bonnet was inly open for 1.5 minutes and he didn't even break into a sweat!

​So, let me introduce us all.

What? There's nothing wrong with Celebrity Admin having a valet!

Newlyweds Graham and Sue Adams in Humphrey the Humber Sceptre. For God's sake don't call it a Hillman!

Nick Arthur and Jo Tait in the Jensen Interceptor

Our resident mad Scotsman, Eric Dalton in his VDP. Almost local for Eric.

Gus and Tosh Brooks in the Daimler 250 V8

Brian Allison in Lizzie, the Jaguar XJ40. All the way from Eire.

Mark Wilson in the E-Type Jaguar

John and Jean Dickson in the rather Lovely Austin Cambridge. This was Anita's favourite car.

John Ticehurst and Kevin in the MGB GT

Windy and Sarah Woodward and Bernard and Thelma Owen in the Granada Ghia.

Keith McGovern and Mette Cooper in the Lexus

Anthony and Pat Osborne in the MGB.

Anita and Mike Peake in Poppy the Triumph Herald 13/60

Gar Cole and Breezy Woodward in the Mondeo.

Phil, Lorraine and Lucas Allin in the Rover P5B

Our Host and Landlord of the Fat Lamb, Paul in his Austin Healy 3000

​Our host Paul, wouldn’t be leading the tour but would be driving his gorgeous Austin Healy 3000 like he stole it in order to get ahead of us and take photos of us all enjoying ourselves at picturesque spots along the route.
 
So after a brief tussle of us all filling the exit with classics as no one had actually read the route and was therefore willing to lead, Graham and Sue in Humphrey were forced to the front. However, this may have been a bit of a mistake because on the extremely rare occasions that Humphrey is actually running, Graham drives him in a very spirited manner and the rest of us had great fun trying to keep up with the newlyweds and ignore our co drivers telling us to slow down so they could enjoy the scenery. (or was that just me?) The new Mrs Adams did a superb job of navigation too as we didn’t go wrong once.
 
The route was fantastic with great driving roads and beautiful scenery as you will have seen in our YouTube video. My particular favourite was the climb up to Hartside Summit which at an altitude of 1903 ft above sea level was bound to have some commanding views.

Yes, what a fantastic view.

​After a quick lunch stop at the Alston House Hotel in Alston, young Lucas Allin managed to make us all green with envy by blagging a seat in the big Healey when we set off for some big waterfall that no one can remember the name of! (Useless! The lot of you!). Gar and Breezy had taken over the lead at this point to loud screams of “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO” from those veterans of the Welsh Heavy Engineering tour. At a much more sedate pace, Gar instantly led us all the wrong way. Fortunately, someone in the convoy had read the tour notes by this point so the mistake was quickly identified and rectified with Gar banished to the middle of the convoy.

​A lovely drive ensued before an abrupt stop in the middle of nowhere due to a sudden and unannounced road closure. After much head scratching it was decided we would head back to Alston petrol station for a meeting to decide what to do.  Having watched everyone else 74-point turn in the narrow road, I smugly put Poppy on full steering lock and did the manoeuvre in one hit. (Got to love a Herald turning circle!)

​We all headed back to Alston only to be confronted by another road closure; cue panic and multiple U-turns. We finally managed to get to the garage where a meeting was held. It was decided that as we couldn’t get to the waterfall of the unknown name, we would head back to the Fat Lamb after admiring a rather gorgeous Morris Commercial.

​It appeared that none of us had really paid attention to Pauls detailed verbal instruction on a nice route back as we all tried to follow Paul. However, not many of us could maintain “Warp Speed” back down Hartside Pass and the convoy didn’t last long before we’d all broken up and gone in different directions. We did all make it back in ones and twos via stops in Kirkby Stephen to replenish fuel tanks for the next day.
 
It was now time to return our focus to the main reason of our tour. Yes, drinking, eating and having a great time with a truly lovely bunch of people. Another great night was had and we all retired to our warm and comfy “not camping” beds.
 
Well, I say all, but as I have said, Tosh and Gus were staying at a different hotel and it appeared that the management of this hotel had taken umbrage to Tosh’s own particular form of quiet acceptance of a cold croissant for breakfast and locked them out. Much shouting, banging on doors and phone calls made enough noise to raise the dead but not the hotel proprietor, necessitating the need for the brothers Brooks to scale the garden fence and try banging on the back door and windows and shouting loudly. This was met with the same level of success as the previous hullabaloo and the brothers fell quiet as they needed to think of a cunning plan.
 
Being the Brooks brothers, cunning was beyond them but they could see that the old fashioned sash window of their 1st floor bedroom window was slightly ajar. Being died-in-the-wool Doncaster lads, a bit of breaking and entering was second nature. Using an upturned garden bench as a ladder they were soon tucked up and snoring comfortably in their beds. I can only imagine the Landlord’s face when they strolled in for breakfast the following morning. I’m guessing it was slightly less thunderstruck than Tosh’s when he realised it was cold croissants for breakfast again.
 
In marked contrast, the look on the faces of the enthusiasts staying at the Fat Lamb was that of contentment after another lavish breakfast.
 
Paul wouldn’t be joining us for the tour on the Sunday. The local Ferrari owners club and Porsche owners club had selected his car park as the venue for their annual punch up and Paul was needed to referee, so we set off on our own for a sedate drive through wonderful scenery of the Yorkshire dales to Wensleydale. Not before having to pay “The Gatekeeper of the Dales” a toll of shortbread before he would to let us pass though.

​The Brooks' Daimler was starting to overheat a bit causing a couple of unscheduled stops but we put them to good use taking photos and enjoying a chat.

​The route also took us via the famed Buttertubs Pass. It deserves it’s fame! It was a fantastic drive. So much so that when we all parked up at the top, Graham and I took Poppy and Humphrey back down so we could do it again only this time without screams of fear from our co drivers. Tosh jumped in with me so there is a video record of the drive.

​Our lunch stop was the Wensleydale Creamery. I’m not quite sure how, but Poppy’s very expensive new roof was acting as the table top for the sharing of sausage plait and cake before heading in for coffee and even more cake and buying the entire cheese counter to take home. 

​Once I’d recovered from all the knives in close proximity to my smart new vinyl, it was time to head off again back to the Fat Lamb through even more breath taking scenery via Tan Hill and the highest pub in the country.

That brings us back to the Fat Lamb after another beautiful day’s touring. The pace was a little more sedate than that of Saturday’s but certainly no less fun with more time to take in the views.
 
Once back at the hotel, I decided I would load Poppy onto her trailer to save time in the morning. The strapping down went much more smoothly than before, but then a problem was spotted. One of the clamps at the front that hold the load bed in the “down” position had broken and no amount of fiddling by myself or John Dixon could get it back into place. (Thanks John). The decision was made to use a spare ratchet strap to and tie it down.
 
Then, I hit another snag. My brand new Mazda tow car wouldn’t tow Poppy off the wet grass field without wheel spinning and bogging down. There was nothing else for it but an embarrassing call for help in our group chat. Laughing Enthusiasts poured out of the hotel to watch the fun and help when they’d finished laughing at me and telling me it served me right for turning Poppy into a pampered trailer queen.

​Help they did though. John Ticehurst produced a tow rope and Phil Allin produced a V8 Rover P5B. We positioned Big Rov so his rear wheels were still on hard standing and the tow rope just reached the towing eye on the Mazda. With a big V8 roar and bit of wheel spin sending gravel to pebble dash the front of the Mazda, we were out and back on a metalled road surface. So huge thanks to everyone for the help and er, sympathy.

So, apart from my towing problems, Tosh’s breakfasts, Tosh’s B&E, and Tosh’s Daimler overheating, it had been a remarkably breakdown-free weekend and we all thoroughly  enjoyed ourselves. (Except maybe an underemployed Super Enthusiast Man who’d had nothing to mend.) So we all headed back into the hotel for a final evening of great food, great laughs and more shenanigans. In fact, we’d all enjoyed ourselves so much that we made sure we booked the same weekend next year for a return run when hopefully more stuff will go wrong and make the blog easier to write.
 
The next morning, after everyone except Tosh had had another lavish breakfast, we all said our goodbyes and headed for our homes.
 
If anyone is still here, thanks for taking time to read this. If you need more pictures and videos of the tour, follow this link to the photo gallery or this link to watch the video on our YouTube channel.
 
Our tours are open to all members, so if you fancy joining us keep an eye on our events section to see what we’re up to.

​NEC Next. See you there.

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