Blogs

Lockdown Blues. Fatbloke and Poppy Pt 61

30/5/2020

By Mike Peake

Hello Chaps! Wow, it’s been a while hasn’t it? You thought lockdown couldn’t get any worse didn’t you? But now I’m inflicting a blog on you so I’m really sorry.

It’s been over 6 months since our last little chat and quite a lot has happened. Classic car event after event has been cancelled. Poor Nelson, Gars Minor Triumph, met his Trafalgar in a ball of flame prompting us all to buy the fire extinguishers we’d been meaning to get for years but never quite got around to it (or was that just me?)

I can’t imagine how upset Gar must have been losing his pride and joy like that and we all commiserated fully with him. Of course Saint Brian of Enthusiastshire had to show off in his level of sympathy by giving Gar a spare Triumph 2000 he had lying around. Naturally, this level of generosity means that he is officially exiled from his home county of Yorkshire for bringing its name into disrepute - but what a lovely thing to do. He’s a very, very nice man. The story even made it into Classic Car Weekly.

Of course Gar is cock-a-hoop and has spent lockdown fettling and polishing to his heart’s content and winding Brian up with tales of how he is going to deface Errol’s natural beauty with all sorts of hooligan mods. Brian isn’t fooled by this for a minute though. We all know how much Gar has fallen in love with Errol because he’s even dropped his plans to two-tone the car with a different colour roof and he can’t find a rear window louvre kit for the big saloon.

The Brooks aren’t letting Lockdown affect them in the slightest and have been churning out stunners like you wouldn’t believe. They’ve even developed a bit of a fibreglass fetish.

Of course all are for sale at very reasonable rates if you would like to step into Tosh’s office. Although, there has been rumours that Tosh is actually planning on keeping one of them but no one really believes that.

His next project has also been announced and we’re all really looking forward to seeing the results.

Our very own Ninja assassin Liam is really taking current events seriously; he has locked himself away in his Secret Squirrel Survival Bunker and is living like a king on stockpiled MRE’s and Lucozade whilst monitoring his CCTV ready to set off the claymore mines if anyone approaches.

Nick Arthur is being banished to a caravan in Jo’s garden so he can be closer to his cars. Graham and Sue are panicking about their planned wedding in September and Andy ‘Two Pants’ Perman has discovered the Joys of writing blogs about his VDPs. In fact, go and read them now as they’re far better than this drivel.

Two Pants Perman's Blogs

Me? What have I done? You're still here then? Well I grew a beard. Impressive eh?

Everyone said I looked like Tosh Brooks though so I immediately shaved it off again.

I have been fortunate enough to be working from home full time during the crisis. The new commute has tuned out to be a bit of a problem though as the stairs quickly become gridlocked during rush hour.

Poppy? Well she was fine but very, very bored and lonely in her lock up far from home. (Well, not that far really but it sounded better in a literary sense.)

Winter was really horrible with not a single day with good enough weather to take her for a spin. Then, just as the weather turned glorious, we were put into lockdown and I couldn’t go and get her. Of course if I’d known at the time that we were allowed out to drive as part of an eye test I’d have been out like a shot.

However, lockdown restrictions were eased a bit in early May so I went to get her. She fired up on the 1st turn of the key. I washed off the New Forest dirt, gave her a wax and Emily and I took a grin-laden drive around the green lanes of Wiltshire to get some milk. I did notice that my headlights were no longer working when I pulled her out of the lockup but as it was a bright summers day, I didn’t let this bother me. I then parked her on my drive so I would be able to sort out a few niggles.

Niggles? Surely not? I hear you say! Well yes. 3 to be precise. Well 3 I planned to look at anyway.

My heater hasn’t worked since I’ve had the car. I know that this may seem a bit slovenly to some but it’s only been 19 years and what’s the point of a heater in a car with no roof? Well if I want to go on winter tours with the chaps and want my wife to come with me, it turns out that a working heater IS quite important.

Since I’ve rebuilt my Carb I’ve been having trouble getting the tune right and suffering from a very fast tickover. I think I have now narrowed this down to a sticking throttle cable so this needed changing and while I was at it I’d change all the return springs to fix the floppy peddle.

Finally, I had to find out where all the electrickery for my headlights had gone. So I ordered all the parts I thought I would need.

The following weekend, with a box of shiny new parts to hand I set to work. I thought I’d do the easy job 1st which I deemed to be throttle cable. I removed the cable from the carburettor and immediately, my fast running issue was solved so that’s good. What wasn’t so good was when I went to remove the pedal. Turns out that the bracket was rusted quite badly. I couldn’t even see the old spring or split pin.

It would have to come out. It’s only two bolts though so will be easy. 3 hours, 1 broken ratchet, a broken hacksaw blade and a shattered grinding wheel later, the pedal bracket was off. The cable and pedal were also now separated and a new shopping list started.

£10 on eBay if anyone wants it?

As I could proceed no further with my pedal assembly, I turned my attention to the heater. I suspected that the valve was at fault as it was very stiff to operate and I had a shiny new one in my box of shiny new parts. So, the cable and pipes were removed from the old valve and the valve removed from the heater matrix. I then attached my hose pipe to the matrix and flushed it through until clear clean water was flowing out before fitting the shiny new valve, new rubber pipes and shiny new jubilee clips. Just the operating cable to attach now and job done. Well, it would have been if I hadn’t broken the pinch bolt doing it up too tightly.

It took a while but amongst all my “parts that will come in useful one day” supply, I found a new one that will do at a pinch (Haha! Get it? A pinch bolt that will do at a pinch! Hahahaha….ahem… sorry). The only trouble was that it was still attached to the brake cable on my daughters bicycle. She won’t miss it. The important thing was that it is now all back together. The heater still doesn’t work and the pipes to it aren’t getting even warm so I suspect an air lock. Anyone know how to cure this?

Having not yet fixed anything despite hours and hours of work, I thought I’d see if I could relocate my headlamp electrickery. First, I spent an hour looking for the inline fuse that someone said was behind the dash on the passenger side. It wasn’t there. Someone had decided to move it into the engine bay. It wasn’t the inline fuse though. It was fine.

So I followed the power wire from the fuse through the car dismantling stuff as I went to ease access and checking various connections with my trusty multimeter as I went. I found electrickery everywhere it should be and no holes in anything where it could leak out. I was now suspecting the master switch. Now this is only £20 for a new one (It really is!) so I wasn’t worried. I was worried however if the fire brigade would be able to get me back out from under the dash where I’d need to go to get to said switch.

When able, I checked the inlet side of the switch and there was electrickery. So I checked the outlet side and found none! Aha!! Then I turned it on and the power flowed. It wasn’t the master switch. I continued to follow the electrickery towards the column switch. I was a little nervous now because the column switch comes in 4 parts and each part is £20. To my vast relief though, I found the problem. There was a blockage preventing the electrickery going through the connector where the rear lights branch out.

Flushed with the success of my detective skills I went and added more parts to my shopping list. I managed to extricate myself from under the dash without the aid of the fire brigade so it may have been that I was flushed with.

Now, you know that picture from the interweb of the wrecked house that someone had painted “Got the Spider “ on?

I know, made me chuckle for ages. Well I’m not chuckling now!

Found the trickery gremlin!

I’d spent most of the day working on my car and hadn’t actually finished fixing anything other than a new shopping list of required parts.

I did manage to successfully fit the new number plates the girls bought me. After all 23rd of May was Poppy’s 50th birthday, so I had to do something nice for her.

I shut and locked the car door, tidied up, poured myself a glass of squash, fired up the computer and ordered more parts.

The next Friday afternoon with another box of shiny new parts, I set to with real conviction that today would be a productive day on the car!

With a lot of help from Emily I soon had the accelerator pedal assembly properly assembled and was finally able to get the carb properly tuned and had Poppy purring like a dream in no time.

Next I cleared the blockage in the wiring and had electrickery flowing where it should and fully functioning lights.

As you can see above, I’d made a bit of a mess of the original 50 year old under dash millboard when diagnosing the failure to light, but it was already in very poor condition so it gave me the excuse to buy the new one I’d been promising Poppy for a while. It was an absolute swine to fit and Emily learned lots and lots of new words but we got here in the end.

You can’t actually see it unless you are laying in the floor well, but if you do happen to find yourself laying in the floor well it now all looks rather lovely now.

Then I had to reassemble the radio and speaker, reconnect and refit the 12v supply/cigarette lighter and the electric washer pump switch. Along with the steering column and steering wheel. Of course, when I drove the car, the steering wheel was 90 degrees out but this was soon corrected. It is also a record for me as I removed the steering wheel twice in a week and didn’t break my nose.

I’m now very pleased with my interior.

We were on a roll so I went ahead and fitted the new horn that has been in my garage for a year. The steering column on the Herald is adjustable and the last time I had it apart, I think I set it too far forward as every time I went round a corner or over a bump the horn used to sound of its own volition which led to acute embarrassment and the odd fight. It kept touching the steering wheel boss and therefore earthing the horn. This time, I made sure I set the column further back.

Then, with Emily’s help, I changed the old horn which had gone from sounding when it felt like it to not sounding at all. Who’d have thought, the ability to do an arabesque would come in handy when working on a classic car.

I then gave her a quick wash to rid her of all the dust that had settled over the last week - Poppy that is, not Emily - and went for a lovely test drive on the country lanes. Poppy was running sweeter than ever and I was enjoying sounding the horn whenever I felt like it. Which was quite often. Just for giggles.

So finally, a productive day. Hopefully, I’ll have something else to write about soon but in the meantime, stay safe everyone and see you on the other side.

More by Mike Peake ...

<< Previous.

Next >>

0 Comments

A tale of two lucky VDP's - Pt 11

28/5/2020

0 Comments

by Andy Perman

So it was now October 2015. It was five years since I’d spotted and rescued the VDP from the scrap yard and it had been performing flawlessly since replacing the shimmy hub. It had picked up quite a few awards at various shows, been to the NEC and sparked many interesting conversations. So from my perspective this was great, but from a blog point of view it’s a bit vanilla.

That however was all about to change. I’d joined this new Facebook group called Enthusiasts of British Motor Vehicles and they were having a meet in Coventry. This was going to introduce me to a phenomenon now known as ‘Gar’ weather, something that is not seasonal or even desired. I’d also been told a chap called BL Dan wanted to see my car in the flesh, so there was no question, I was going.

The night before I watched in horror the ‘Gar’ weather forecast. It was awful, a band of very heavy rain the whole length of the country pretty much all morning, all blown in on a stiff wind. Well I’d driven back from the NEC the year before in pretty bad weather so it couldn’t be any worse than that, could it?

I’d set an alarm but it wasn’t required. The rain lashing on the roof woke me up about 6am. Unable to get back to sleep I got up and made an extra flask of strong coffee so I wouldn’t need to stop at the services half way and get soaked. I opened the workshop door to load the stuff and if a car could wear an expression it would have been ‘really’?

I set off early, about 7.30, but with about 180 miles in front of me it meant I could take it easy in the vile weather and not have to push the car too hard. The first leg along the M27 was uneventful, the wipers and lights all working hard but otherwise fine. The heater was producing plenty of heat and the car didn’t seem to be leaking which was a bonus.

My exit onto the M3 to take me in a more northerly direction was approaching so I moved over into the slip lane in readiness and felt a hiccup. Or did I imagine it? Ah, the cats’ eyes along the slip, must have gone over one of them. Five minutes later, another hiccup, unmistakable this time, something was not happy but I did what we all do when in denial, sped up a bit to ‘flush it out a bit’ and turned the radio up.

My denial lasted about five minutes more when the hiccups returned with all his mates and proceeded to rock the car whilst stealing all the power. I moved into the emergency lane and backfired to a halt, the wipers mocking me as they swept the now biblical rain from the screen. One final cough and the engine cut out, leaving an ignition and oil light glaring at me ‘really, told you so’.

Great, it was absolutely sheeting with rain and I’d failed to proceed on the hard shoulder of the M3. I’d tried to restart the engine but it was having none of it so resigned myself to having to take a look. Good job I’d packed some waterproofs - I was going to need them. They were however in the boot. I leapt out quickly and winced as the cold ‘Gar’ rain instantly soaked into my shirt. I ran to the boot only to find it locked, ran back to the car to get the keys, back to the boot where I could finally get the waterproofs out but by this stage it was far too late as I was already soaked right through.

With my ‘Gar’ waterproofs now on I popped the bonnet and had a cursory look. Everything was covered in a fine spray so I was sure the rain had played a part so grabbed a can of WD40 (other alternatives are available) and began the process of chasing the water out of the electrickery. This got the engine started, but rough and certainly not capable of the trip in front of it, so I slapped the dwell meter on the coil and Bingo! The reading was all over the place. I removed the points and grabbed some emery paper then jumped in the car to re-face the surfaces. And dry them out!

Re-faced and fitted I started the engine, still rough but the reading on the dwell meter was stable now, albeit out of spec. Quick adjustment and got it spot on, engine now happy idling smoothly. Then I spotted the cooling fan was running continuously. I’d left the override switch on! No wonder there was spray everywhere, it had sucked it in! Satisfied I shut the bonnet and jumped in then tried to wriggle out the waterproofs as only an overweight middle aged man can. Un-elegantly!

I switched off the cooling fan and pulled back onto the motorway, picked up speed and headed north. The rest of the journey was good, but the rain wasn’t. It didn’t let up for a second, lashing me all the way. Once I got through the horrendous road blocks and one-way systems in Coventry I found my way into the museum, more by luck than judgement and parked up. As if on command, the rain eased then stopped.

I was the new rookie on the block and didn’t know anyone but one thing I learned quickly is this is a friendly group and I was welcomed by smiles and cake. Lots of cake. Then I met BL Dan, a real enthusiast for anything British, but particularly Allegros. He had been man and boy at several large dealers back in the day when Allegros were commonplace and had a real soft spot for them. Shouts went up and the Admin chaps assembled in front of my humble VDP and the picture was taken that has become synonymous with BL Dan, this group and is still his profile picture to this day. Proud moment.

L-R Keith, Gar, BL Dan and Zebidee

My VDP beside the MK1 1500 Special

As ever the day flew past and as the light was fading it was time to head home, but not before getting my VDP alongside another rare MK1 1500 Special Allegro that had also joined us for a camera roll. Interestingly that Special now lives just along the coast from me in Bognor with a real Allegro nut, but that’s another story. The journey back was fabulous, no wipers required. The car safely stowed meant the end of another eventful season, but things were going to take a change; this group were about to embark on tours in the next year. In ‘Gar’ weather. Camping. In North Wales. In October.

If a car could have an expression…… Really?

To be continued.

0 Comments

Embarrassing motoring moments

28/5/2020

1 Comment

by Admin

A fine collection of embarrassing motoring moments from our members - thanks to you all for sending them in!

Finally realising what that knocking noise was as the front wheel came off and bounced across the road while I came to an undignified grinding halt.
Steve Favell

Back around '81, I attended a family funeral in hilly Bath with my (now ex) wife in my '67 Cortina 1600 GT.
We were invited to follow behind the funeral cortege up the steep hill towards the cemetery ... and as I pulled away, a hole appeared in the silencer - leaving me to continue VERY noisily all the way up the hill behind the hearse. Oh, the shame ...
Paul Sweeney)

When I took my 13/60 Herald into central London one Saturday night in the ‘80s, and the horn decided to sound everytime I turned the steering wheel...
Charlie Jeffreys

I have another equally embarrassing story 1981 I was riding across the Greek island of Kos when me and my mate stopped at some road works we were on mopeds. It looked like they were spraying the road with tar and throwing down some surface gravel. I had a mad moment and decided to ride across the fresh surface. Unknown to me the surface was soft and 3 inches deep and I rode about 30 meters ploughing a trough the width on my moped tyre. I was glad to get to the end and all the Greek road workers just stood mouth open unable to believe what i had just done to their new road. I rode off quick with a 30mm layer of tar all around my moped tyre. It took me ages to get it off the tyre and I sprayed my mate with tar who was following me. I threw lots of dust over the moped before I took it back to the hire shop. I kept a low profile for a few days it was a small island.
Carlo Gambardella

Brake fail towing a caravan down Porlock Hill many many years ago. Ended up in some ones front garden while they were in it. OMG as I sat there with smoldering brakes I got the bollocking of my life. Luckily no major damage just extremely dented pride.
Gary Martin

I just bought a Honda Prelude with the 2.2 litre engine and 200 Bhp and was going down the Autobahn at 248 kph, (Full throttle) as a freaking Beetle just left me standing and my fiance at that time, just was laughing her head off!
Lewis Williams

Was driving through Birmingham city centre in 1980s and cut in between two car the driver waved at me, I thought he was waving me through but unknown to me they had a very long tow rope between the two cars. When the car in front moved off my car cut the rope leaving the other car stranded. I drove off quick.
Carlo Gambardella

Bike rather than car. First time bump starting, jumped to far, fell off the other side. I did laugh at myself a lot before I had a second try.
Alan G Garrett

I pulled the handbrake lever out while on the hill start section of my driving test , it was a Peugeot 205 and bent the mounting plate 90 degrees
David Ford

On honeymoon in the Land Rover. Rural Ireland. Snapped the exhaust in 2 atop a old mining road in the mountains (great day aside from this)

The slow & noisy return to our accomodation featured a pass through Bantry town centre.

The funeral cortage & mourners were not impressed with the rapid cannon-fire effect of a 2.5n/a diesel being caned up the hill past the church in 3rd OD. !!

We drank outside of Bantry that evening.
Joe Farrow

Another 1 was only a few years ago with the Cortina i had to get a new rear silencer and it wasnt the right length to meet the middle 1 properly so anytime i hit a bump it would separate which i still get reminded of now thanks to a certain Richie Moore lol
David Aikman

During my Moped driving test (1974) around Clifton The Raleigh Supermatic handlebar suddenly folded (a very large split appeared around one of the bends). Fortunately I was temporarily out of sight of the examiner so I took a firm grip and pulled them back into some kind of normal position... and carried on. I passed the test but the handlebars never made it home and I had to push the last bit.
Robin Spencer

I do not. want. to talk about it.
Michael Smyth

Taking a friend Mike Halloran to the chemist because his car was broken down, I executed a one-point turn in my Herald estate saying, "You can't do this in your Marina". It dropped the front suspension, Saturday afternoon, on the main road in the busy shopping area, I had just finished work and was stood in full AA patrol uniform...........
Chris Allen

Took my wife’s Capri 3.0 Ghia to the local jetwash, with a friend, getting it ready for a show.
Applied Gunk, covered dizzy, air filter etc. Washed all over, under bonnet. Looked a million bucks.
Got in, turned key...nothing!
Not even a click!
Checked all connections.
Lights worked.
Stereo worked.
Everything worked...except the starter.
Mechanic from local garage walked by...looked in car...laughed...walked off.
Me and my mate were going frantic.

About 10 minutes later, mechanic passed by again...reached into car...put it into ‘park’.
Started first turn of the key!

I’d switched her off in ‘drive’, and hadn’t moved the selector before trying to start her.

Red faces all round!
Phil Golding

I had a bit of a disaster in the late 70s with a Bedford CF van. I was working as a computer service engineer and needed to pull a large piece of equipment from a customer site. This horrible little van had a tail lift, but the equipment was so heavy that in trying to lift, it compressed the rear suspension and almost got the front wheels off the ground. That created quite a crowd. Then, having got it loaded, i couldn't get more than 20 mph out of it. Not fun driving along the M4 out of London in the rush hour at that speed.
Kevin Warrington

Reminds me abit of my 2nd mini the gear selector stabiliser rod bolt fell out so had to drive everywhere with just 1st and 3rd
David Aikman

Got one for trying to avoid embarrassment, heading back from Harewood house classic car show in 1985 in our beloved Morris Minor (balanced 1100 A series, MG head etc...but standard to look at) 1/2 way back a Citroën Dianne appears someway back but gaining, so I upped the speed until clear then back to 70, damn thing starts catching me again, not Avin this! So nailed the poor Moggy to within an inch of its life for about 1/2 an hour to be sure.🤪😂. I was young!
John Stockdale

I got beaten in the traffic light GP by a Vauxhall Nova. I was driving a Jag XJ40. My mate hasn't let me live that down. I don't think the Nova had the original engine somehow!
Matt Fowles

Mine was also in Brum, I decided to take the GT6 for a ride into the city, on route, actually just as I hit the Bristol Road, it developed a horn malfunction, the horn would sound with any movement of the steering wheel until it was straight again, normally a simple fix, but not at that point in time. I got some attention anyway, and a few angry looks from drivers and pedestrians!
Paul Steel 😂

In my first car, a rather tatty Renault R8 (which I loved), with my 14 year old brother in law to be, the near side lower ball joint failed in dramatic fashion. I managed to safely guide the car to somewhere safe, thankfully. The only saving grace was that literally 2 minutes prior, I'd been flat out on the A20 at Swanley. Dread to think what would have happened if it failed then.
Dave Lang

I had a Mini 998. Auto. What a stupid idea that is, sharing engine oil with an auto box. I got quite competent at setting up the clutch bands, but the torque convertor or one of the two extra oil pumps was playing up and as soon as the oil got hot it wouldn't engage. A few times I couldn't pull away from traffic lights on slight gradients, it just sat there squealing at me.
Matt Vallins

BSA Bantam overtaken by a house...
Dave Veart

I was in a Bond Mini 3wheel convertible aged 16 with two mates and decided to go the 70 miles to Cleethorpes . We had the longest tailback ever. Well it was only 197 cc.
Nook Elliott

Back in my biking days I had a Suzuki GSXR600 and was attending a big ride-out in respect for the fallen.

Arrived at the meeting point and shortly after we were told to get ready. Hit the starter and got the bike running but it would not rev and would die if I put it into gear. It had full fuel and freshly charged battery and had ridden there fine.

A friend came over and tried helping but was scratching his head too, nothing we did would get the bike running properly, I had to watch as hundreds of bikes filtered past me.

Worst thing was that I had a camera on so the whole thing was captured in glorious HD.
Callum Tooey

My wife was overtaken by a tractor pulling a hay wagon in our old Volvo 340. Even the sheepdog on the trailer looked as though it felt sorry for her.
Peter Smith

Towing a Holden Commodore in 8:30am traffic, and the tow-rope breaking in the middle of a roundabout - an interesting exercise retying the rope and trying to get the traffic moving on.
Shannon Stevenson

Driving a mini van on Dual Carriageway and was about to overtake a large vehicle ahead waited whilst a big vehicle overtook me and pulled out behind it. Realised the vehicle now behind me was his trailer and I was under the large bridge section he was transporting.
Irvin Mehlman

One night driving along in my moggy van it spluttered and stopped. I eventually came to the conclusion that the petrol tank had fell off so being inventive I had a spare can of petrol and filled it to windscreen washer and to the carb it only took a few hundred squirts to get me back home 35 miles.
Gordon Davis

Putting diesel in my TR6 last summer on way to Stratford on Avon. Car smoked the whole weekend
Derek Carroll

Was being towed with me in a Chevette and an ex girlfriend driving a Land Rover when we got to a roundabout, came to a stop. And when my ex spotted a gap in the traffic, she accelerated hard forcing the nose of my car to violently bounce, which continued half way round the roundabout. When we got to where we were going I asked if she had noticed the bouncing and no she hadnt!
Jan Olin

Driving my Austin Seven Ruby in a narrow lane and met an E type Jaguar. He decided to back up and I couldn’t keep up with with and never saw it again!
Frederick Emery

Company Honda Acty van and badly slipping clutch. Battling a strong head wind on A19 it became obvious what little clutch it had , had now gone. Unfortunately I was about 5 miles from where I was supposed to be. Came off at next exit and discovered it went better backwards than forwards. Reversed about 3 miles to get to phonebox , near to where I was supposed to be, to ring boss , and tell him there was something wrong with the van
John Eden

Descending the Honiston Pass in a TA MG...drum brakes just do it !
Peter Rhys Thomas

I've reached the stage where I've been stood up, both feet on the pedal pulling myself down on the steering wheel, eyes watering with the smoke...

Only once - it was when a S2 diesel started running on it's sump oil - I'd pulled the engine stop, to find effectively I was running with the throttle wide open & no way of stopping.

Drove it into a ploughed field at 40mph +, and the damn thing stalled. Walked home.
Joe Farrow

Based in Germany, my first trip home on leave for Christmas '68 on the ferry to Hull. I was in "pole position" at the pointy end ready to be first off. In those days you had to leave your keys in the ignition in case the crew needed to move cars during voyage. So as soon as the bow doors opened I was ready.....then found I'd locked the doors before leaving the car and couldn't get in. So NOBODY could move. It took half an hour before a crew member used a wire coat hanger forced down the quarter light to unlatch the internal door lock. There seemed to be an awful lot of disgruntled passengers watching me.
Dennis Weatherill

I had a 2.5 88 Landy with a Disco on a trailer when I had to pull on to the hard shoulder to let 4 artics by with wind turbine blades on overtake me
Still got home all intact.
John Newbury

Back in the 80s I bought a fiat 500 that had been stood for many years, brakes partially seized and a fair bit of rust in the floor pan, so I thought i would tow it home after dark, only around 3 ml, so hooked it up to my 3.0L Cortina and basically dragged it down road, it towed ok with my brother driving as if I slowed down so did he as the brakes were partially sized, we turned the last corner to my house and in the wing mirror I could see my brother waving frantically and a massive shower of spark coming from under to fiat, so I stopped and had a look, couldn't stop laughing, the floor collapsed and the drivers seat was on the tar filing the rails away, he was stood on the door sill with the door open and the other foot on the gear tunnel, so we threw the seat in the back and did the last mile like that, got home though, he said never again haha, wish we had camera phone back in the day.
Bryn Thomas

Driving a 2CV, tried overtaking a truck. Spent so long in his slipstream I fell asleep. Fortunately the cross wind at the finish shook the car and me awake...
Graham Jones

3 up in a mk1 Mini coming back from a night fishing trip and the wipers packed up in the pouring rain so we jerry-rigged a shoelace through the windows and the front passenger operated them , then to make matters worse the throttle cable snapped so out with the string a boot lace and that was operated by me on the back . I thought it would be funny to mess around revving the engine out of sync with the driver! A few miles from home we were stopped by the Police for ‘understandably’ erratic driving. We politey explained our situation and they let us go , this was before in car computers so they didn’t realise we had not tax , mot or insurance and only one provisional license between us!!!
Andy Elias

Not me personally because I was used to it being slow, but I came back from holiday once, and the foreman said to me, "That lorry of yours is no good is it?. "I was going up the hill from Bulwark Roundabout to the top, (A48 Chepstow roundabout), and a cyclist went past me !!! " We had several 4 wheelers with the 75 engine in them, but my Trader 6 wheeler was older, had a smaller engine, a four speed gear box, and was two and a half ton overweight if loaded with 3000 of Derv/Gas Oil. (And still had room for another 300 galls on top). It would do 40 flat out, and was down to bottom gear at every pimple.
David Hunt

Driving my MK C Bond Minicar. Had lifted bonnet to kick start and drove off without locking bonnet. Hit about 25 mph when it shot up, snapped off and flew across the road barely missing an elderly lady on a bicycle. Picked it up and apologised.
Clive Matthews

When crossing an intersection in my wife's Hillman Imp the engine sub-frame dropped onto the road pulling the car up instantly - if that was not bad enough my passenger was the Sales Manager of the company i worked for as a junior representative!
Robert Bothwell

The nearside wheel lower balljoint coming apart pulling the driveshaft out of the diff and me scraping the road with the hub for 50 yards. The garage recovery guy sent by the RAC said his chains would smash my front bumper until I suggested we use some tyres he has on board for protection!
Andy Jones

Early 80s in a Mk2 Escort Ghia 1600 (flash!) was taking my sister to look at a car, went over a hump back bridge and the front wing fell off right in front of two policemen! One of them lectured me on road worthiness while the other one helpfully put the wing in the back seat!
Richard Hunniford

Moving the car from the road to the drive, late at night in my Jim Jams. Saying hi to Jane my neighbour, then realizing my todger was out!
Tony Franklin

Can't say too much .but it involved the back seat of my Jag..a young lady and a Policeman's torch..!!
David Waters

In my Fiat 126 racing a Citroen 2CV off the lights. We were neck and neck, giving it our all as we went screaming up through the gears. Then I glanced in the mirror and saw the queue of bored drivers stacking up in both lanes behind us.....
David Church

1970 Hillman Husky cost me £65. Head gasket basket case. Had head skimmed, & checked block was 'true', new gasket & rubber grommet, lasted two weeks! Took 1/2 hour to climb "Tarmac Hill" (B4111 Nuneaton) - approx 1/2 mile - white smoke / steam filled the cabin, had to open the tailgate to clear the fumes. Took it straight to the scrapper!
George Dodd

Driving MkIII Cortina in Haverill Essex at a roundabout when the gear lever came out in my hand. Copper started to tell me I needed to move the car now! I got out handed him the gear lever and said "You F***ing move it". That shut him up!
Nigel Champken-Woods

1 Comment

BLOG: A tale of two lucky VDP's - part 10

13/5/2020

0 Comments

by Andy Perman

The day after the Hovercraft Museum shoot and breaking down, I got a message from an eBay seller that he had a passenger driveshaft and hub complete, but it was still attached to the car he was scrapping and I’d have to remove it myself as he didn’t have the ball joint separator and puller for the job. Fortunately it was located in Bognor Regis which is a short drive from me, so loaded with a bag of tools I headed over after work. The chap was really pleased to see me saying he’d been messed about so much by tyre-kickers that I’d restored his faith in humanity! An hour later and with loads of dirty grease on my hands I’d removed the whole part I wanted and just in time as the light was fading fast.

Once home I cleaned up the whole thing and replaced both ball pin joints and the CV rubber gaiters as it’s much easier to do when removed from the car. The following weekend I removed the shimmy hub and driveshaft that had caused me so much trouble and once on the bench I could actually feel the driveshaft binding in the hub as I turned it, wouldn’t have been long before that failed again so consigned it to the bin!

An hour later I had the replacement hub fitted and excitedly took the car out for a test drive. Well, what a transformation, it glided along the road, no shimmy or shaking. I loved the way the steering now felt, so much feedback from the road, you really felt like you were driving it.

I’d also returned the call of the recovery chap that had a deceased estate VDP that he’d been trying to shift on eBay after rejecting my offer at Christmas, obviously unsuccessfully! He wanted to know if I still wanted the car for the same price I’d offered him 4 months ago! In a moment of madness I said yes bring it over, no rush. He had other ideas though and wanted to clear space in his yard and could he drop it off this coming Saturday! Yikes! That meant two things; clearing some space on the drive and a conversation with the wife. I had no doubts which one I would fail at and I did, spectacularly. I had to eat humble pie for weeks I tell you!

Saturday morning the chap arrived bright and early with the car, it looked worse than I remembered and my wife certainly pointed that fact out before disappearing indoors with a scowl. Unlike the undignified tipping off my mirage VDP got he gently winched the car down and then helped me push it onto the drive. Paperwork done and paid he was gone. I was surprised to see the car had only one owner from new, had 78k on the clock but looked like it had done most of them off road! An hour later after giving it a good wash and a coat of polish it looked like a different car, much better. I thought it was just brown but it was actually a metallic brown paint. It did have quite a few patches of rust that was going to take some time with a welder though. Anyhow at that point the heavens opened and that put an end to any further work so I took a few pictures and covered the car up.

First wash

Over the next couple of months I went to several shows, the Allegro National at Nuffield Place, home of Lord Nuffield, founder of the Morris motor group. It's a fascinating place full of history then more locally the SHVPS show which has a massive auto jumble where you can buy all manner of stuff in various shades of rust! The VDP was transformed; it felt right, difficult to explain what, but just right. It was starting to pick up a few more awards too, must have been that shiny boot lid. Or those number plates!

I’ve struggled to write this next part as it upsets me a lot but here goes, my sister had wanted to go to Kempton Park Engines since seeing pictures of the place from when I’d taken my son there a few years before, and she wanted to go in the VDP. It was on her bucket list and she only had a certain amount of time to complete it as she was terminally ill. In July all the stars must have aligned because she had a gap in her medication and the engine was in steam - it only runs about 6 times a year.

We set off mid-morning as it’s about an hours drive and wanted to get there in time to watch them start it up. We made it in plenty of time and watched in awe as 1000 tons of engine rumbled into life. Anyone who has been knows what I’m talking about. If you’ve not been and like engineering on steroids, go! We had a fabulous day; it was exactly what she imagined it to be and she really enjoyed herself. It was over all too soon and time to leave as she had another round of chemo the following day and needed to prepare for it so we headed home. She died five weeks later.

Over the summer I joined my company up with a local conversion company which basically doubled our turnover, but proportionally kicked up my workload too! That left little time to tinker with the new VDP but I did spend one Sunday afternoon investigating the non-running engine and pumping up the suspension. After checking a few things on the engine I worked out that somebody had got the coil cables on back to front! That had killed the condenser and burned the points out. Once I’d rectified the wiring and fitted a new condenser and points I cranked it over and without hesitation it burst into life. Sorted.

Tried the auto-box, it went backwards and forwards on the drive so it would certainly make a solid base for a restoration. But there was no way I had the time for that. A chap had been asking on the club site if there were any VDP’s for sale so I offered it up as running but otherwise unknown. He turned out to be a decent honest chap, rocked up a week later, paid the money and took the car away the following week. I often wonder should I have put it away and done it when I had the time, the brown paint didn’t float my boat but maybe repainted in cosmic blue or black tulip……

Towards the end of the summer I’d started to notice this Facebook group cropping up a lot on my feed – "Enthusiasts of British motor vehicles built before 1985", so one evening filled in the entry questions and as a qualifier attached a picture of the VDP saying ‘I have this, does that count?’ Within minutes a chap called Gar came back and said "Our BL Dan is going to LOVE this! We are having a show in Coventry, in November. You are coming aren’t you?" It wasn’t really a question.

Coventry in November, in a 45 year old VDP. What could possibly go wrong?

To be continued……

0 Comments

BLOG: A tale of two lucky VDP's - part 9

10/5/2020

0 Comments

by Andy Perman

I’d been invited to show my VDP at the NEC show in November 2014 which pretty much marks the end of the show season. Remember this predates the EBMVBB85 group by a few years where we have winter gatherings, or summer gatherings with winter weather.

at Brooklands

After the debacle of the wheel bearing setting me back I had a bunch of detailing jobs to tackle in preparation for the show. I’d spoken to a few club members who’d previously shown their cars at the NEC and been warned about the rivet counters and those ‘knowledgeable’ comments we all love (not). However there were a few things I needed to tackle beforehand to try and limit these undesirables, which were; replacing the headlining as mine was shot and hanging down in places, repairing the boot lid which was badly chipped and scuffed - probably from it’s time in the scrap yard, order a set of decent number plates, mine were a basic modern type and I wanted something period and finally give the car a service.

I hit the internet and ordered a set of correct period plates, again £20; it’s the law and at the same time sourced the material and glue for the headlining (£20). Trimming was not something I’d ever done before but given the timescales and cost I was ‘giving it a go’. Well I got there in the end, but I have to say I really hate trimming! A dusty, fiddly job that took ages but the results were pretty good. By this time the plates had turned up so these were fitted and also looked really good, so now it was time to tackle the boot lid. After a good look I quickly worked out it was WAY beyond my skills so removed the whole thing and dropped it off at a local paint shop. That left me a bit of time to detail a few paint chips at the front and carry out the service. A week later the boot lid was ready so I collected it and bolted it back on. It looked stunning. I was ready for the show.

I set off for the NEC on the Thursday morning, stopping for some lunch about half way there making for a pleasant drive. Once there I found the correct hall and our area, then spent the rest of the afternoon building up the stand, raising the rear of my VDP and drinking coffee. I have to say I really enjoyed the show taking turns manning the stand and going for a wander round. Highlight of the show was getting offered a fairly significant sum of cash for my VDP from a collector who recognised its rarity. ‘Where are you from?’ he asked ‘Portsmouth’. He then said ‘go home on the train 1st class’. I declined his offer anyway but wonder what would have become of my VDP had I accepted. Low point(s) were the damn awful lighting, come on guys there are plenty of LED solutions available, and the fair number of rivet counting shuffle bottoms declaring ‘the wheels fall off’, ‘oh look, an all-aggro’ and ‘where’s the square steering wheel?’ I worked out the most effective reply was ‘I’ll let you know when you’re being funny’. Worked every time!

at the NEC

Sunday evening soon came round and it was time to go home, after saying plenty of fond farewells to people that were now becoming friends I headed out the NEC into the full force of the November weather. The car worked hard all the way home the wipers, blower and lights all on all the way, but it performed beautifully all the way. More than can be said for myself, I was completely knackered! I stowed the car the next morning after a wipe down ready for the New Year’s Day gathering at Brooklands.

Before that however at Christmas I got the nod through the club of a VDP that had been pulled out of a deceased estate and was now in the hands of the recovery company that was local to me. Was there anything I could do? The chap was no enthusiast and was likely to weigh the car in fairly soon. As it was Christmas week I had plenty of time so went to take a look. It was pretty rough and a non-runner but was a solid base for a restoration. Chap wanted to know ‘how much?’ pretty much from the outset so I said after taking a look £300. His reply was unprintable here and he said ‘I’ll get truckloads more on eBay’, so I wished him good luck with that, made a report back to the club and assumed that would be the last of it.

New Year’s Day was a cloudy but still day, bitterly cold but no snow or ice! I rocked up early as I was warned it gets mobbed to be greeted by the marshal saying ‘You beauty!’ I hope he was referring to the car but anyhow said ‘Park as high along the banking as you can then we can form a cavalcade behind you’. After doing so and getting out somewhat awkwardly due to the extreme angle I took what is still my favourite picture of my VDP.

Poised high on the banking there is just something about it that does it for me. The show was awesome, really busy but managed to get round the bits I’d missed previously including a second visit to the Barnes Wallace laboratory. All too soon though it was time to go home so I said my farewells and headed off. Again, I had that feeling all was not well pretty much from the off. Within a mile of Brooklands the shimmy gave a shake and almost instantly locked up the front wheels; I had failed to proceed again! The AA were really prompt, arriving in less than ten minutes, whereby I was unceremoniously hitched up and towed home!

Again by the next morning it had loosened off and it didn’t look like the wheel bearing either. I removed the LHS wheel and found the caliper looked lop sided, upon removing the caliper found one side of the pads completely scuffed out, although the caliper itself was absolutely fine. I stripped it anyhow, new seals and re-greased everything and fitted a new set of pads. On the test drive it all seemed fine, that light shimmy still there that I had gotten used to now, and I’m sure the more knowledgeable among you will be screaming the obvious but to me It seemed fine and just assumed it was the caliper that caused the problem. How wrong I was!

In March I received an invitation from Practical Classics. They were preparing an article on cars that didn’t use springs for their suspension called ‘no springs attached’ and wanted my VDP to participate. The shoot was local to me at the Gosport Hovercraft Museum, again a place I’d wanted to visit previously but now I was getting in for free! The shoot was booked for mid April weather permitting as the site is right on the coast and gets very lively if its stormy - something I witnessed first hand quite recently, also for Practical Classics but more of that later!

The date arrived and the weather wasn’t great but deemed OK to proceed, so I turned up at 9 o’clock as instructed. I was greeted by Andy Taylor from PC who is a giant of a man both in stature and personality. He directed me where to park and thrust a coffee in my hand. Top bloke. Whilst they shuffled the cars, played with lights and lots of stuff I didn’t understand I got the chance to look around. I was shocked at the condition of the two cross-channel hovercraft. Their structure was so rotten no access was permitted onboard and all the engines had been removed. Such a shame these two leviathans have ended up this way.

The shoot lasted most of the day and we were all interviewed about our cars, then by about 3pm the weather was deteriorating quite rapidly so they wrapped it up and we went on our way. Again I got no more than a mile from setting off when the shimmy went up on steroids and locked up the front of the car again. I was seriously questioning why I’d not left the VDP in the scrap yard to rot and again phoned the AA. The patrolman turned up within 15 minutes and instantly took a liking to the car having ‘worked on them back in the day’ and wanted to fix the problem.

He questioned me in detail regarding the previous breakdowns and work done. He went Hmmm, lifted the front of the car and felt each wheel. Something not right here mate he said rotating the passenger wheel, "Jump in and start it up". I did and engaged drive whilst he stood back and watched. Hmmm he said again and dived into his van and emerged with a spanner. I jumped out and watched, my curiosity piqued. He undid the master cylinder from the servo, ‘That’s better’ he said, ‘got the brakes out the way, now both wheels are going round’ He again stood back and watched. After about a minute he said ‘You got a problem with your driveshaft end, look at the left hand side wheel, there is a slight shimmy on it’ That’s what is killing your wheel bearing, knocking the brake pads out and causing it to lock up. Won’t have done your steering rack any good either all that shaking. You need a new drive shaft mate. I’ll get you home now", which he did.

Back in the workshop I was dumbfounded, but elated! It was as simple as that. Sometime in the past it must have hit a kerb or something causing a slight distortion in the shaft where it entered the hub. The shimmy shouldn’t be there! I’d seen a few complete hubs with driveshafts on eBay for £20 a few weeks back so went inside and ordered one straight away.

I’d also noticed a missed call on my phone and a voicemail. When I listened back it was the recovery company chap from Christmas asking if I still wanted the car.

To be continued…….

0 Comments

BLOG: A tale of two lucky VDP's - part 8

5/5/2020

0 Comments

by Andy Perman

One thing I like to do is take one of my VDP’s out for a drive on Christmas Day if the weather is not too wet or icy. This is something that started in 2013 and it was great fun driving into the city and the seafront on mostly deserted roads. (Who knew what was coming in 2020???) I had noticed during the Winter the starter was struggling a bit, especially with the low temperatures and long spells between starts, so decided to take a look before the show season kicked off.

However, I got the nod early in March about a show at Brooklands, a place I’d had on my visit list for a while so decided to go before I’d had the chance to look over the car. Brooklands is a fascinating place with as much aircraft history as it does racing, so much so I couldn’t get round everything so made a note to come back on New Year's Day for the main open event. The Barnes Wallace lab and stratospheric chamber were particularly jaw dropping. I was definitely going to take a better look.

Later the same month I removed the starter only to find they are not designed to be un-mantled and repaired, just binned and replaced. In the absence of suitable replacements, the auto has a number of special to type parts, the starter is one such part. I decided to ‘have a go’. After an hour of chin-stroking and Hmmm ing, worked out how to get the solenoid apart, which I was sure was the problem. Ten minutes with the soldering iron and small spanner set I had it in bits and bingo, the top main contact was badly oxidised, hence the problem of slow cranking. Quick polish with a fibre glass brush soon had that shifted, then I could re-mantle the solenoid. Quick test and all good, sorted!

May saw the annual Allegro show which was held at the Needle Museum in Redditch. Another very interesting place showing how needle manufacturing was done during the industrial revolution and all water powered. Also had an opportunity to line up a MK1, 2 and 3 VDP. Never been done before and made for a nice line up.

Next appointment was my son and daughters prom. I have twins so it was going to be a busy night! The old girl was polished to as shiny as you can make mirage and all the bright work detailed. I had a fabulous evening ferrying back and forth to the Holiday Inn where their evening function was. Highlight of the night for me was a nod to the Italian Job with three Mini Coopers dropping off and then powering out simultaneously. Goosebumps.

I’d received an invitation in August to the Vanden Plas show and been told it was almost a concourse type show - not one of my favourites but decided to give it a go. When I rocked up I was directed to the 1500 parking area and found myself alongside a D registered model which was odd as VDP production stopped in 1980. Turns out the original owner stored the car until the registration EES came up as they were his initials. He’s also responsible for the two tone paint work. Definitely a marmite car but the picture of mine next to it represents the earliest and latest surviving VDP’s.

The show over I headed home and you get a feel for when something is not right. The shimmy on the steering seemed slightly more accentuated than before, and the car seemed sluggish. After about an hour the shimmy turned into a shudder, coupled with a nasty crunchy grinding noise and a definite loss of power. Fortunately I was on top of some services so I pulled in and ground to a halt, literally!

Great, I was 100 miles from home and it was 6 o’clock on a Sunday evening! I rang the recovery services and booked a relay home, was warned it maybe a significant wait as there had been a large Ford show in London and that was already keeping them busy. So what to do, I spotted a burger place so went and got a bite to eat. That done I had a quick look at the car and quickly worked out the passenger front wheel bearing had done something nasty internally and now it had cooled down had seized up pretty tight. There was still a lot of play in something though which I was sure wasn’t the bearing, but with the light fading whatever it was would have to wait.

The recovery home wasn’t as bad as feared, but it was done in several stages due to the way the AA works with zones. It was almost 2am when we arrived back so got the guy to unload the car onto the drive for me to sort out the next morning. Weirdly the following morning the wheel had freed off somewhat, but still sounded nasty when you turned it. That odd play looked like the lower radius arm; something was not right about it. As the car could be moved I backed it into the workshop and went in search of a new wheel bearing and radius arm thingy. All £20 each. It’s the rules.

A week later, both the parts had turned up so lifted the workshop door to place the parts inside. What greeted me was like a scene out of demolition derby. My workshop doubles up as my materials store for my business as well as a place to store and work on the car. Something in the roof had obviously given way and all my timber and tubes had dropped and been deposited on top the car! Once my heart had stopped hammering out my chest I looked around more carefully it appeared the majority of the stuff had glanced off the car and slid down the side. The only way to inspect further though was to pull it all out and get the car out. I was going to need some strong coffee!

An hour later I had a pile of stuff and a car on the drive. Remarkably there wasn’t a mark on it. Obviously made of strong stuff. It took me the rest of the day to clear out the workshop, fix the roof problems and get everything stowed safely. The next day I lifted the front of the car and removed the passenger side hub complete with the drive shaft. On the bench and stripped apart the wheel bearings literally fell out, some of the balls were in half! Fitting the new bearing was quite an unpleasant job, it just felt very tight in the hub and on the drive shaft, but it seemed to go back together OK. Next I removed the lower radius arm; the inner bush was sheared off its housing entirely. Why? At the time I’d no idea, but alarm bells should have been ringing. With the new arm fitted and the hub re-installed I went for a road test. All seemed OK. No crunching and the shimmy was back to the level it had always been. Again, alarm bells should have been ringing, but being a humble plumber, all seemed good.

My final appointment of the year was at the NEC in November where my car was going up on a stand. I had lots of detailing things to be getting on with in the meantime to keep me busy. But what about that shimmy?

To be continued...

0 Comments

blogs

Categories

Archives

Lockdown Blues. Fatbloke and Poppy Pt 61

A tale of two lucky VDP's - Pt 11

Embarrassing motoring moments

A fine collection of embarrassing motoring moments from our members - thanks to you all for sending them in!

BLOG: A tale of two lucky VDP's - part 10

BLOG: A tale of two lucky VDP's - part 9

BLOG: A tale of two lucky VDP's - part 8