1974 in a Ford Anglia. I was told by the examiner to use hand signals and do a three point turn. All went fine until further down the road he told my to turn right at the junction, I put on the indicator, then he said we are still using hand signals, so I put my right arm straight out of the window and left arm through the centre of the steering wheel to turn the indicator off.
Incorrect use of the controls.
Max Carman😞

Had a Morgan 3 wheeler for my 16th birthday in '62. Went for test, it was raining. No doors on the Morgan but a working hood easy hinge up and down and 3 press studs holding to the windscreen frame, no sidescreens and hood needed to be lowered to get in and out.

Test inspector was a large man, very large. Did the eye sight test, went to the miniscule car, lowered the hood (seats not too wet) inspector shoe-horned himself in.

Oh, by the way, had no starter motor so had to hand crank which meant retarding ignition by the lever on the steering wheel, turning off ignition, back to the front to turn the enine to the compression point, back to the cockpit to switch on ignition, back to the front and sharp pull up of the starting handle with thumb tucked away safely in casd of backfire and removal of thumb and possibly other parts of anatomy depending on trajectory of flying handle.

If you got the hand throttle and choke settings just right it may start or it's back and fore adjusting until success then dashing back to the cockpit, throwing the starting handle onto the floor, advancing ignition, blipping the throttle and adjusting the choke - both also hand operated levers mounted on the steering wheel - to keep it running, climbing in and pulling the hood over the now soggy inspector.

​Set off, the one vacuum-operated wiper scraping feebly away at my aeroscreen. So far so good! But, following instructions about 2 minutes later we arrived at an uphill tee-junction to turn right onto a main road - yes, you guessed, in my nervous condition I stalled and had to go through the starting procedure all over again!

I actually persuaded the inspector to switch the ignition on and off to save time while the traffic built up behind. After that it all went swimmingly, especially the inspector sitting in a pool of rainwater.

Never really understood why I failed but he certainly didn't mention any of the above!
Owen Short

A neighbour when making the 3 point turn did the first part and turned the car across the road. Then when she tried to engage reverse which was up to the left and lift, the gear stick came off in her hand.

The test was abandoned with the car left in the middle of the road.
Tony Dixon

I took my test in 79 in my own car, a 59 Morris Mini. It didn't have seat belts and the front seats were just the tip up and down variety (no locking).

I won't go into the finer details but you can imagine what happened to my instructor when he banged his clipboard on the dash to signal my emergency brake attempt. Squished against the inside of the windscreen and then a crumpled heap in the foot well.

Being a a proper old school fellow he dusted himself off and told me to return to the test centre immediately. You can't comprehend my delight when he handed me my pass certificate and wished me a happy life of motoring.
Nick Mead

When i took my HGV Lorry test I arrived at the test centre in a different lorry that had been booked with them. The first part of test was the reverse manoeuvre and I couldn’t do it.

When the examiner checked his paperwork the lorry I was driving was 3 metres longer!
😬
He reset the cones further apart and I did it first time no issues, except I was a bag of nerves and failed on lots of minor issues!

2nd time around I passed no issues, but I did check I was booked in with the correct size lorry first
Jonathan Griffiths

I didn't fail, but during my test in Clifton, Bristol in May 1975, I turned into a very narrow side street to be confronted by a Rolls-Royce completely blocking the street as it attempted a 3-point turn right in front of me.

The poor driver was heaving and straining on the steering wheel - it took him so many "back and forths", I had put my Mini into neutral with the handbrake on long before the Roller finally drove away.

The test examiner sat in silence the entire time, simply murmuring, "Well done" as I was at last able to continue my test.
Paul Sweeney

I passed my test first time in 1971, in Slough. I had a practice lesson with my instructor, a sexist old boy who had a constant eye on the young ladies as I drove past them rather than what I was doing, and took the test in his Austin 1300. Having a decent car helped. On arrival at the test centre I was told to stay in the car and the examiner would come out to me.

I did that which was necessary and on return to the test centre i was told that I had passed. I was to stay put and my instructor would come out to me.

The instructor came out and asked if I had passed. Yes, I responded. He then told me that there were 4 females taking their test at the same time. They all failed, demonstrating that males are better drivers than females. I dare not shout that too loud in most environments!
Anthony Osborne

Failed my first test for laughing at the examiner. He was a known miserable old sod. Anyway, midway through my three-point turn the little rear view mirror used by the instructor fell off. It his the right knee of the examiner and he made a right old fuss - you’d have though he’d been hit by an axe. I laughed at him - which was in hindsight a mistake. 
Alex Valvasurra😣

My mother drove lots of things during the war (ambulances, buses, mobile operating theatres, etc) but didn't take a test. She didn't renew her licence post-war as the family didn't have a car.

Fast forward to about 1970. She decides to drive again and after a few 'test drives' in the old man's Zodiac (where he said she appeared to drive as though she had a bell on the front of the car) she books a test.

Come the test day she cruises round the circuit and the rather familiar looking examiner hands her a Pass certificate. She looks at it and sees his name: he is a guy who partnered her in the ambulance on occasions during the war, and who never drove except for one occasion when she needed to be in the back of the ambulance!

When they eventually arrived at the hospital he apologised for the slow journey as he had only ever driven a traction engine before and didn't know about changing gear! 
Mick Brabrook-Norman🤣

Lad at work was taking his HGV test. After waiting to pull away out of the test centre,he saw a gap,let his foot off the clutch,........in reverse!
Michael Foster🤪

Failed first time in 2015, was queuing for a roundabout stationary in the right lane while a car was inching forward in the left lane a bit too close and scraped my left wing mirror. Any contact regardless of fault is a fail!
Peter Walker

I failed in a Morris Minor with a fierce clutch and stalled it on an uphill start. I was told I failed not because of the stall but I just dipped clutch fired it up and set off holding it on foot brake heel and toe - I should have put handbrake on put it in neutral and started from scratch.
Richard Shaw

Passed my bike and car tests first time and whilst I know that's not the point of the thread, I just wanted you to know 😂😂
I do have a funny story; my late aunt took her test (many years ago) and the examiner near the end said, "You know where you are now then?" (being a local lass) she replied "No, I've had my eyes shut"... i don't actually know whether she passed or not...
Steve Broughton

I was a distracted mess on my test after the examiner got in the car as she was stunningly attractive and wearing a fashionably short skirt; not at all what a hormone-addled 17 year old needs!

I ended up speeding in a 30 zone and completely fluffed the sign recognition questions, so it came as something of a surprise when she handed me my pass certificate!
Andrew Spittlehouse

I failed my driving test after being put in a car I'd never driven. My driving instructor - an ex-Brooklands racing driver, Police driving instructor and Jaguar test driver - age 82, had rolled his Escort on the way to get me for my test practice.

I ended up being driven in a spare car at high speed straight to the test centre without practice beforehand!
Andy Jones

Finally realising what that knocking noise was as the front wheel came off and bounced across the road while I came to an undignified grinding halt.
Steve Favell

Back around '81, I attended a family funeral in hilly Bath with my (now ex) wife in my '67 Cortina 1600 GT.
We were invited to follow behind the funeral cortege up the steep hill towards the cemetery ... and as I pulled away, a hole appeared in the silencer - leaving me to continue VERY noisily all the way up the hill behind the hearse. Oh, the shame ... 
Paul Sweeney)

When I took my 13/60 Herald into central London one Saturday night in the ‘80s, and the horn decided to sound everytime I turned the steering wheel...
Charlie Jeffreys

I have another equally embarrassing story 1981 I was riding across the Greek island of Kos when me and my mate stopped at some road works we were on mopeds. It looked like they were spraying the road with tar and throwing down some surface gravel. I had a mad moment and decided to ride across the fresh surface. Unknown to me the surface was soft and 3 inches deep and I rode about 30 meters ploughing a trough the width on my moped tyre. I was glad to get to the end and all the Greek road workers just stood mouth open unable to believe what i had just done to their new road. I rode off quick with a 30mm layer of tar all around my moped tyre. It took me ages to get it off the tyre and I sprayed my mate with tar who was following me. I threw lots of dust over the moped before I took it back to the hire shop. I kept a low profile for a few days it was a small island.
Carlo Gambardella

Brake fail towing a caravan down Porlock Hill many many years ago. Ended up in some ones front garden while they were in it. OMG as I sat there with smoldering brakes I got the bollocking of my life. Luckily no major damage just extremely dented pride.
Gary Martin

I just bought a Honda Prelude with the 2.2 litre engine and 200 Bhp and was going down the Autobahn at 248 kph, (Full throttle) as a freaking Beetle just left me standing and my fiance at that time, just was laughing her head off!
Lewis Williams

Was driving through Birmingham city centre in 1980s and cut in between two car the driver waved at me, I thought he was waving me through but unknown to me they had a very long tow rope between the two cars. When the car in front moved off my car cut the rope leaving the other car stranded. I drove off quick.
Carlo Gambardella

Bike rather than car. First time bump starting, jumped to far, fell off the other side. I did laugh at myself a lot before I had a second try.
Alan G Garrett

I pulled the handbrake lever out while on the hill start section of my driving test , it was a Peugeot 205 and bent the mounting plate 90 degrees
David Ford

On honeymoon in the Land Rover. Rural Ireland. Snapped the exhaust in 2 atop a old mining road in the mountains (great day aside from this)

The slow & noisy return to our accomodation featured a pass through Bantry town centre.

The funeral cortage & mourners were not impressed with the rapid cannon-fire effect of a 2.5n/a diesel being caned up the hill past the church in 3rd OD. !!

We drank outside of Bantry that evening.
Joe Farrow

Another 1 was only a few years ago with the Cortina i had to get a new rear silencer and it wasnt the right length to meet the middle 1 properly so anytime i hit a bump it would separate which i still get reminded of now thanks to a certain Richie Moore lol
David Aikman

During my Moped driving test (1974) around Clifton The Raleigh Supermatic handlebar suddenly folded (a very large split appeared around one of the bends). Fortunately I was temporarily out of sight of the examiner so I took a firm grip and pulled them back into some kind of normal position... and carried on. I passed the test but the handlebars never made it home and I had to push the last bit.
Robin Spencer

I do not. want. to talk about it.
Michael Smyth

Taking a friend Mike Halloran to the chemist because his car was broken down, I executed a one-point turn in my Herald estate saying, "You can't do this in your Marina". It dropped the front suspension, Saturday afternoon, on the main road in the busy shopping area, I had just finished work and was stood in full AA patrol uniform...........
Chris Allen

Took my wife’s Capri 3.0 Ghia to the local jetwash, with a friend, getting it ready for a show.
Applied Gunk, covered dizzy, air filter etc. Washed all over, under bonnet. Looked a million bucks.
Got in, turned key...nothing!
Not even a click!
Checked all connections.
Lights worked.
Stereo worked.
Everything worked...except the starter.
Mechanic from local garage walked by...looked in car...laughed...walked off.
Me and my mate were going frantic.

About 10 minutes later, mechanic passed by again...reached into car...put it into ‘park’.
Started first turn of the key!

I’d switched her off in ‘drive’, and hadn’t moved the selector before trying to start her.

Red faces all round!
Phil Golding

I had a bit of a disaster in the late 70s with a Bedford CF van. I was working as a computer service engineer and needed to pull a large piece of equipment from a customer site. This horrible little van had a tail lift, but the equipment was so heavy that in trying to lift, it compressed the rear suspension and almost got the front wheels off the ground. That created quite a crowd. Then, having got it loaded, i couldn't get more than 20 mph out of it. Not fun driving along the M4 out of London in the rush hour at that speed.
Kevin Warrington

Reminds me abit of my 2nd mini the gear selector stabiliser rod bolt fell out so had to drive everywhere with just 1st and 3rd
David Aikman

Got one for trying to avoid embarrassment, heading back from Harewood house classic car show in 1985 in our beloved Morris Minor (balanced 1100 A series, MG head etc...but standard to look at) 1/2 way back a Citroën Dianne appears someway back but gaining, so I upped the speed until clear then back to 70, damn thing starts catching me again, not Avin this! So nailed the poor Moggy to within an inch of its life for about 1/2 an hour to be sure.🤪😂. I was young!
John Stockdale

I got beaten in the traffic light GP by a Vauxhall Nova. I was driving a Jag XJ40. My mate hasn't let me live that down. I don't think the Nova had the original engine somehow!
Matt Fowles

Mine was also in Brum, I decided to take the GT6 for a ride into the city, on route, actually just as I hit the Bristol Road, it developed a horn malfunction, the horn would sound with any movement of the steering wheel until it was straight again, normally a simple fix, but not at that point in time. I got some attention anyway, and a few angry looks from drivers and pedestrians!
Paul Steel 😂

In my first car, a rather tatty Renault R8 (which I loved), with my 14 year old brother in law to be, the near side lower ball joint failed in dramatic fashion. I managed to safely guide the car to somewhere safe, thankfully. The only saving grace was that literally 2 minutes prior, I'd been flat out on the A20 at Swanley. Dread to think what would have happened if it failed then.
Dave Lang

I had a Mini 998. Auto. What a stupid idea that is, sharing engine oil with an auto box. I got quite competent at setting up the clutch bands, but the torque convertor or one of the two extra oil pumps was playing up and as soon as the oil got hot it wouldn't engage. A few times I couldn't pull away from traffic lights on slight gradients, it just sat there squealing at me.
Matt Vallins

BSA Bantam overtaken by a house...
Dave Veart

I was in a Bond Mini 3wheel convertible aged 16 with two mates and decided to go the 70 miles to Cleethorpes . We had the longest tailback ever. Well it was only 197 cc.
Nook Elliott

Back in my biking days I had a Suzuki GSXR600 and was attending a big ride-out in respect for the fallen.

Arrived at the meeting point and shortly after we were told to get ready. Hit the starter and got the bike running but it would not rev and would die if I put it into gear. It had full fuel and freshly charged battery and had ridden there fine.

A friend came over and tried helping but was scratching his head too, nothing we did would get the bike running properly, I had to watch as hundreds of bikes filtered past me.

Worst thing was that I had a camera on so the whole thing was captured in glorious HD. 
Callum Tooey

My wife was overtaken by a tractor pulling a hay wagon in our old Volvo 340. Even the sheepdog on the trailer looked as though it felt sorry for her.
Peter Smith

Towing a Holden Commodore in 8:30am traffic, and the tow-rope breaking in the middle of a roundabout - an interesting exercise retying the rope and trying to get the traffic moving on.
Shannon Stevenson

Driving a mini van on Dual Carriageway and was about to overtake a large vehicle ahead waited whilst a big vehicle overtook me and pulled out behind it. Realised the vehicle now behind me was his trailer and I was under the large bridge section he was transporting.
Irvin Mehlman

One night driving along in my moggy van it spluttered and stopped. I eventually came to the conclusion that the petrol tank had fell off so being inventive I had a spare can of petrol and filled it to windscreen washer and to the carb it only took a few hundred squirts to get me back home 35 miles.
Gordon Davis

Putting diesel in my TR6 last summer on way to Stratford on Avon. Car smoked the whole weekend
Derek Carroll

Was being towed with me in a Chevette and an ex girlfriend driving a Land Rover when we got to a roundabout, came to a stop. And when my ex spotted a gap in the traffic, she accelerated hard forcing the nose of my car to violently bounce, which continued half way round the roundabout. When we got to where we were going I asked if she had noticed the bouncing and no she hadnt!
Jan Olin

Driving my Austin Seven Ruby in a narrow lane and met an E type Jaguar. He decided to back up and I couldn’t keep up with with and never saw it again!
Frederick Emery

Company Honda Acty van and badly slipping clutch. Battling a strong head wind on A19 it became obvious what little clutch it had , had now gone. Unfortunately I was about 5 miles from where I was supposed to be. Came off at next exit and discovered it went better backwards than forwards. Reversed about 3 miles to get to phonebox , near to where I was supposed to be, to ring boss , and tell him there was something wrong with the van
John Eden

Descending the Honiston Pass in a TA MG...drum brakes just do it !
Peter Rhys Thomas

 I've reached the stage where I've been stood up, both feet on the pedal pulling myself down on the steering wheel, eyes watering with the smoke...

Only once - it was when a S2 diesel started running on it's sump oil - I'd pulled the engine stop, to find effectively I was running with the throttle wide open & no way of stopping.

Drove it into a ploughed field at 40mph +, and the damn thing stalled. Walked home.
Joe Farrow

Based in Germany, my first trip home on leave for Christmas '68 on the ferry to Hull. I was in "pole position" at the pointy end ready to be first off. In those days you had to leave your keys in the ignition in case the crew needed to move cars during voyage. So as soon as the bow doors opened I was ready.....then found I'd locked the doors before leaving the car and couldn't get in. So NOBODY could move. It took half an hour before a crew member used a wire coat hanger forced down the quarter light to unlatch the internal door lock. There seemed to be an awful lot of disgruntled passengers watching me.
Dennis Weatherill

I had a 2.5 88 Landy with a Disco on a trailer when I had to pull on to the hard shoulder to let 4 artics by with wind turbine blades on overtake me
Still got home all intact.
John Newbury

Back in the 80s I bought a fiat 500 that had been stood for many years, brakes partially seized and a fair bit of rust in the floor pan, so I thought i would tow it home after dark, only around 3 ml, so hooked it up to my 3.0L Cortina and basically dragged it down road, it towed ok with my brother driving as if I slowed down so did he as the brakes were partially sized, we turned the last corner to my house and in the wing mirror I could see my brother waving frantically and a massive shower of spark coming from under to fiat, so I stopped and had a look, couldn't stop laughing, the floor collapsed and the drivers seat was on the tar filing the rails away, he was stood on the door sill with the door open and the other foot on the gear tunnel, so we threw the seat in the back and did the last mile like that, got home though, he said never again haha, wish we had camera phone back in the day.
Bryn Thomas

Driving a 2CV, tried overtaking a truck. Spent so long in his slipstream I fell asleep. Fortunately the cross wind at the finish shook the car and me awake...
Graham Jones

3 up in a mk1 Mini coming back from a night fishing trip and the wipers packed up in the pouring rain so we jerry-rigged a shoelace through the windows and the front passenger operated them , then to make matters worse the throttle cable snapped so out with the string a boot lace and that was operated by me on the back . I thought it would be funny to mess around revving the engine out of sync with the driver! A few miles from home we were stopped by the Police for ‘understandably’ erratic driving. We politey explained our situation and they let us go , this was before in car computers so they didn’t realise we had not tax , mot or insurance and only one provisional license between us!!!
Andy Elias

Not me personally because I was used to it being slow, but I came back from holiday once, and the foreman said to me, "That lorry of yours is no good is it?. "I was going up the hill from Bulwark Roundabout to the top, (A48 Chepstow roundabout), and a cyclist went past me !!! " We had several 4 wheelers with the 75 engine in them, but my Trader 6 wheeler was older, had a smaller engine, a four speed gear box, and was two and a half ton overweight if loaded with 3000 of Derv/Gas Oil. (And still had room for another 300 galls on top). It would do 40 flat out, and was down to bottom gear at every pimple.
David Hunt

Driving my MK C Bond Minicar. Had lifted bonnet to kick start and drove off without locking bonnet. Hit about 25 mph when it shot up, snapped off and flew across the road barely missing an elderly lady on a bicycle. Picked it up and apologised.
Clive Matthews

When crossing an intersection in my wife's Hillman Imp the engine sub-frame dropped onto the road pulling the car up instantly - if that was not bad enough my passenger was the Sales Manager of the company i worked for as a junior representative!
Robert Bothwell

The nearside wheel lower balljoint coming apart pulling the driveshaft out of the diff and me scraping the road with the hub for 50 yards. The garage recovery guy sent by the RAC said his chains would smash my front bumper until I suggested we use some tyres he has on board for protection!
Andy Jones

Early 80s in a Mk2 Escort Ghia 1600 (flash!) was taking my sister to look at a car, went over a hump back bridge and the front wing fell off right in front of two policemen! One of them lectured me on road worthiness while the other one helpfully put the wing in the back seat!
Richard Hunniford

Moving the car from the road to the drive, late at night in my Jim Jams. Saying hi to Jane my neighbour, then realizing my todger was out! 
Tony Franklin

Can't say too much .but it involved the back seat of my Jag..a young lady and a Policeman's torch..!!
David Waters

In my Fiat 126 racing a Citroen 2CV off the lights. We were neck and neck, giving it our all as we went screaming up through the gears. Then I glanced in the mirror and saw the queue of bored drivers stacking up in both lanes behind us.....
David Church

1970 Hillman Husky cost me £65. Head gasket basket case. Had head skimmed, & checked block was 'true', new gasket & rubber grommet, lasted two weeks! Took 1/2 hour to climb "Tarmac Hill" (B4111 Nuneaton) - approx 1/2 mile - white smoke / steam filled the cabin, had to open the tailgate to clear the fumes. Took it straight to the scrapper!
George Dodd

Driving MkIII Cortina in Haverill Essex at a roundabout when the gear lever came out in my hand. Copper started to tell me I needed to move the car now! I got out handed him the gear lever and said "You F***ing move it". That shut him up!
Nigel Champken-Woods