Members Blogs

Panic Refurbishment of an Austin New Ascot - Pt 2

9/2/2021

by Anthony Osborne.

In Part 1 I told of the refurbishment of Herbert, our 1938 Austin Lt12/4 New Ascot for my daughter’s wedding. We were running out of time to get the car finished and there was no ‘Plan B’! I continue…

We were rather close to the day of the wedding and still did not have the car completed, in fact we had less than a week to get the job done.

The headlining, which was the worse for wear, needed replacement as by now it was covered in green paint. Back in 2005 it had been necessary to strip out the rear of the car, including the head lining round the rear windows, whilst we exterminated some woodworm (well it is a little different to tin worm!) and we had bought enough material to do the whole car.

When we got that out to start that phase of the car we found that it had been attacked by moths. Could we get more in time? We were lucky that it arrived the day after it was ordered. It had gone up rather dramatically in price between 2005 and 2018, from about £12 to £40 per meter! Sat Nag Pat got stuck into her sewing machine and a new headlining emerged from the dining room.

It was decided to take several days off work in an endeavour to achieve the objective. Andrew assembled the door mechanisms, including the new window guides, windows and regulators, whilst I set about the interior trim and provided assistance to Pat who was fighting the head lining into place. We also had to trim and refit the sunroof.

Some of the electrics that were disconnected to the lights and trafficators had to be reinstated, although the car really needed a complete rewire. The 80 year old rubber insulation was failing, in some places the conductor could be seen through cracks in the rubber and cloth covering. This was temporarily repaired locally as there was no time to do a proper job. The car has since been rewired during the first lockdown of 2020 when all the 80 year old wiring was replaced, but that is another story.

However, during the week we just about managed to get all the jobs done, working a few late nights. The head lining was the big fight and it took three days to get it in from 13th to 15th June, at 4:00pm.

The headlining goes in

This was the Friday before the wedding on the Saturday. The plan was to drive to Chipping Norton to collect my mother and then on to Newbold on Stour for a barbecue the night before the big day.

The finished interior

Fortunately, our bags were packed and it just required a clean-up before setting off. We were late getting away and Chipping Norton is about an hour away with Newbold being about a further 40 minutes further on. We got less than a quarter of a mile before Herbert refused to go. A bit of fiddling at the side of the road got him running again for a couple of minutes and with two or three fiddles under the bonnet I managed to limp home.

Pat took the Jag and went to collect Mum whilst I fought under Herbert’s bonnet, unsure of the actual issue, other than it was fuel related. There were no blockages in filters etc. and the fuel pumped up by hand. I set off for Talton House, a 35 minute drive away that took well over an hour with Herbert struggling up hills with me pumping up petrol by hand.

With dirty hands I eventually made it to my destination with Pat and Mum coincidentally following me down the drive to the house, in the dark. Not knowing where to park I ended up round the back of the building to be welcomed by cries of ‘They are here’. We had warned that we would be late! The Groom’s mother and two aunts were in the hot tub in their underwear and trying to entice me into the tub with them (I didn’t want to leave an oil slick in the tub – that was my excuse and I stuck to it). They had saved some barbecued nosh for us and a jug of ale was thrust into my hand. Things were getting better.

Herbert outside Talton House (phew!)

After a good night’s kip in the mansion (which was a bit like staying in a National Trust property) and a hearty breakfast I disappeared outside to go through Herbert’s fuel system in an endeavour to resolve the problem. After much playing around and dropping a screw from the carburettor into the gravel below then spending much time to find it, I had the car together and running, but would it last?

Stratford-upon-Avon Town Hall was ten miles to the north and Shipston on Stour five miles to the south. If I could get to Shipston and back without a failure we should be good to go. Herbert behaved well and didn’t fail at all.

Andrew and me with Herbert at Talton House

When Andrew arrived I explained that there had been a problem but I did get ten miles of trouble-free motoring out of Herbert. Andrew was happy with that and when the time was appropriate Sarah and I jumped in the back and we set off for the ceremony. We pulled up outside the Town Hall and Andrew turned the engine off. We made it!

Father of the Bride with the Bride and Herbert after completion of his duties

It was then that a little man came out from the Town Hall entrance and said ‘You are five minutes early, please would you go round the block and you should arrive back in time. So off we set.

On the trip of less than a mile Herbert failed four times, and each time Andrew or I, or both, of us jumped out and pumped petrol up by hand and we were away again. In the middle of Stratford-upon-Avon Herbert failed at traffic lights, we went through the routine and in no time he was up and running again.

I asked Sarah if she was all right and she was apparently loving it. She had seen so many wedding cars with people pointing cameras at them and now she was in one. Not many people will have a photograph of the car with the bride in the back and the bonnet up, though! Andrew worked out that if he could keep the revs up the problem seemed to hold off. With a bit of interesting driving we were back at the Town Hall for the ceremony on time, and all went well. I successfully saw responsibility for Sarah transferred from me to Adam, now her husband.

Safely outside the wedding venue

The Bride and Groom enjoying the new leather on the seats under Pat’s new headlining

Afterwards we had to get back to Talton House and of course, the Bride and Groom went in Herbert with Andrew. I was in the minibus. I had said to Andrew that if the car was not there when I arrived I would come out in the Jag and collect them. What a relief to see the car outside the front of the house. On asking how the return journey went Andrew advised that Herbert had only failed once! What a relief.

The following day the journey back home was interesting, but we made it with the Jag parked behind Herbert with its hazard light on when there was a problem. On the Monday I took the fuel pump off and installed a spare that had apparently been overhauled before I bought it.

We took a run back to Stratford-upon-Avon and blow me, if it didn’t fail at the same traffic lights that it had failed at two days earlier! We ended up limping back to within three miles of home but Herbert was failing every 50 yards, just using the fuel in the float chamber. I was not prepared to go on like that in the rush hour and a very nice man from the AA towed us back home. An examination of the two fuel pumps showed that the top joint on the original pump had dried out through lack of use over the best part of five months and that has been successfully overhauled, whereas the other pump I fitted was absolutely knackered (that engineering term again) and fit only for the scrap bin.

The little fuel pump that caused the problems and extensive stress!

The car went back to the body shop and the outstanding jobs were finished. All is well now and I as write Sarah has just given birth to their first child, Joshua.

A happy ending all round and a big thanks to Andrew, and of course Sat Nag Pat, for their help.

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Panic Refurbishment of an Austin New Ascot - Pt 1

3/2/2021

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By Anthony Osborne.

In December 2017, just before Christmas, my daughter, Sarah, rang me up to tell me that she and her long term boyfriend were going to get married on 16th June 2018. I was delighted that they had, at last, set a date as they had been engaged for a quite a few years, been a couple for almost ten years and known each other for much longer. The arrangements were almost cast in stone and the wedding would be in Stratford-Upon-Avon Town Hall with the celebrations centred on Talton House, a mansion at Newbold-on-Stour some ten miles south, owned by Christabel Carlisle who successfully raced (real) Minis in the early 1960s. I obviously approved!

Having given me all the good news she then dropped the bombshell. Herbert, my 1938 Austin Lt12/4 New Ascot was to be the wedding car. However, Sarah was concerned that I might not let anyone else drive him. On the contrary, I advised that her Godfather, Andrew, could drive it. Andrew and I were Apprentices together at ‘The Austin’ at Longbridge and Andrew has had several pre-war cars over the years, Austins and a Rolls Royce, and was well experienced at handling such vehicles.

So, there we were no problems at all, except that the tin worm had been feeding well on the car’s bodywork and the 80 year old cow hide on the seats was falling off. The carpets were well past their best and the headlining, which had probably been fitted in the 1980s, was in a reasonably poor condition. As Sat Nag Pat had fitted a new section round the rear windows we knew that we had plenty of material in stock having purchased enough to complete the car. The sunroof was knackered (that is an engineering term incidentally) but there was a replacement in stock that needed a little work and some paint. There was a NOS near side front wing in the lockup but Sod’s Law dictated the off side front wing was in need of replacement or major welding.

Herbert didn’t look too bad until you got close to him!

In just under six months we had to do something dramatic to the car to make him presentable for the occasion!
Negotiations started with our body shop and a price was agreed with Andrew and I taking the car apart to minimise the expense. We started the dismantling in February and the neighbours were yet again fascinated by the goings on in my garage. They still have not got used to engines hanging from the garage roof or cars on axle stands without any wheels on after 30 years here.
A dismantled Herbert went to the body shop on 27th February and its panels would follow a few weeks later in a Transit van.

Herbert off to the body shop

Over the following months it became apparent that things were not going as quickly as they could. Eventually, we were relieved to see the body of the car in the body shop in primer and a little later it was painted in its lovely new gloss green. Whilst the body of the car was away being worked on other aspects of the refurbishment were on-going in the garage at home and elsewhere. Parts were sourced to replace defective and decomposing components at the Restoration Show at the NEC with further trips as far afield as Peterborough to obtain specialist trim parts. A broken internal door handle could not be replaced with an identical one and the only available replacement looked the same but it sat at 45 degrees to the originals, so two were obtained, one for each back door, and arrived through the post in time to be fitted.

Various rubber components had perished beyond reuse with replacements as common as rocking horse manure. Rubber blocks to keep the closed doors off the bodywork and stopping them rattling were cut from a block of neoprene but half way to through the production process a stock of 8 were found with an Austin spares supplier. Their whole stock of 8 was purchased as they had to be better than my carving them with a Stanley knife! At weekends, when Andrew and I were not at work, the car would be brought back to us on a recovery truck so that we could get on with some of the jobs, returning to the body shop after the weekend.

There was much hard labour making and painting new window channels, the old 80 year old ones being mostly rotted through towards the bottom but fitting would have to wait until the car returned with the doors fitted. Another item that needed refurbishment was one of the near side ‘front Step Support’ (that is the parts list description – I would describe it as a running board support bracket). These are prone to dissolving, the off side one had been repaired previously. Fortunately, I had lent one of them to a fellow New Ascot owner who had a pair made. He had two extra tops cut out and one of these was used to replace the missing metal that had been dissolved along the top of the bracket.

Andrew and I debated who should do the welding as it is not a strong point for either of us. I was told it was my car so I should weld! Andrew would do the grinding as my welding looks rather like it has been done by a pigeon from 50 yards. It did not disappoint either. After a couple of grinding discs and several coats of paint it looked good enough to hide out if sight under the running board.

The corroded running board support and refurbished/refitted

The running boards themselves had been replaced a long time ago and were planks of substantial timber, now rotting, finished with a fibreglass cover. Andrew took the old boards home and made some new ones, the fibreglass covers were fine and were given a coat of non-slip paint. The end results were great.

The 80 year old leather was a little past its best!

The 80 year old cow hide was past its best on the seats, so bad that when helping out at friends weddings we had to cover the back seat with a white blanket because there was a danger that the cracks in the surface would damage an expensive white dress. All the seats were taken to our local trimmer who did an excellent job recovering them with new green leather.

New Cow Hide on one of the front seats

The carpets were also taken there to be copied. We did not have time to take the car there so that they could be made to fit, but they came out quite well. The photograph of Herbert being collected from home was taken on 16th May, with just a month to go. Stress levels started to go up, very high, but my blood pressure tablets kept that under control. We didn’t have any of the missing panels like, boot lid, doors, sunroof, bonnet or the front cowl!

Herbert being collected from home after a weekend exeat from the body shop on 16th May

As appears normal with body shops working on classic cars, there is little urgency, even though a drop dead date was given and they were advised that 15th June was too late because of all the other works we had to do! In order to speed things up a little Andrew and I booked time off work to assemble some of the panels onto the car at the body shop, on 6th June. Whilst we were doing that some of the doors were still being welded up and work was going on with other panels in the spray booth, applying primer and paint, with just 10 days to go!

In the body shop on 6th June!

There were doubts that spending all the time and money on the refurbishment would result in completion in time for the wedding. There was no Plan B. Panic was setting in, a lot!

8 Days to go!

After several weekends at home the car was beginning to take shape. On its last trip home before the wedding, Herbert was paneled up including his doors but less his wings, which needed fitting. With 8 days to go it was decided not to risk sending it back to the body shop for a few outstanding works. Whilst it looked nice and shiny you will notice that the wheels are a slightly different green to the body as well as the grille being green instead of silver, issues we decided would be resolved after the wedding.

To be continued!

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A tale of two lucky VDP's part 14

30/12/2020

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by Andy Perman.

After a long delay in my blogs caused by lockdown 1 pausing all my work, then returning to work in June and still having to complete a year’s work in 6 months, I’m putting finger to key again now the Christmas holiday is here, so I’m taking a break from eating, drinking and lounging about to pick up the story which if you remember left off at the tail end of 2017, I’d arrived at my local garage and looked over a crashed VDP. It was time to do a deal!

I marched inside………..

‘I’m interested in the VDP’ I said to the now surprised owner, ‘can we have a chat’?
Oh, Err, OK was the reply. I was just going to get the displacers removed so I can sell them on EBay then scrap the rest as it’s not worth anything now it’s crashed, he said.. Thinking fast I said ‘OK, what do you reckon you will get for your displacers’? Worth 200 quid each all day long he said. They probably aren’t if not re-gassed but I let that go. OK I said, ‘I’ll give you £800 for the car and save you the trouble of taking the displacers off and arranging for scrap collection’. Err, OK I guess came the reply. ‘Brilliant’ I said, ‘let’s do the paperwork’

With the paperwork done and the money pressed into his hands, the chap left and I got the chance to have a chat with James the garage owner who was now wearing a massive grin. I need to ask a favour, Can I store the car here in your workshop until I get some storage and body shop sorted out? Already cleared that space over there for it he said, and give these guy’s a call in the New Year, they do all our refinishing, whilst handing me a business card. Perfect, a plan was forming, I needed to find a secure dry garage locally, get the bodywork repaired and tell the wifey I’d just bought another car! No pressure!

After pushing the car inside and pulling a sheet over it, I said thanks again and drove home wondering how I was going to break the news to my wife.

It didn’t go too badly on reflection; I think she only swore twice but then calmed down significantly when I explained I’d be keeping it in a garage, not on the drive. Plus I added, all car parts are always £20 so it will be an investment!

I phoned around the next day and got put on a waiting list for garages (who knew there was such a thing) and I phoned the body shop number James had given me. Ah yes, the chap said, we have spoken to James and already taken a look at the car this morning. All easily repairable but there is a problem. You are 28th in the queue so you’re looking at around August time before we can start, is that still OK? Perfect I said it will give me a chance to make it to the top of the garage waiting list!

With the blue VDP effectively parked as a project for the next 8 months I turned my attention to the Mirage one; the Enthusiasts group were having a meet in February at the Coventry Transport Museum, which gave me a few weeks to carry out some winter jobs. I’d ordered a set of new ball pin joints and a higher rated alternator which I wanted to fit. I’d also received a set of bronze bushes which were made by a fellow Allegro owner to replace the nylon ones inside the steering rack so I wanted to get that done too.

As always I left things till the last weekend before the show so had a lot to do! The ball pin joints didn’t take long as they were brand new so no messing about with shims! The alternator also was a simple bolt-on job which gave me an extra 25 amps of power. The steering rack was slightly more complicated as it required complete disassembly on a part that was really designed to be replaced and thrown away. No boring details but the job went smoothly but took a long time as there were so many parts and stages!

The following Saturday morning dawned bright and c c c c c c cold! But the drive up and back went fantastically and was a great chance to have a chat and catch up with everyone. Even our intrepid Eric Dalton drove all the way from Montrose (Scotland) to be there. Fairly sure the show has been covered in detail by Mike or Gar in a previous blog so I won’t dwell but it was great to meet everyone again.

The next few months nothing really happened, I didn’t make the Brooklands show due to work commitments but had received a call from the body shop saying they were still on track and were anticipating starting the VDP in August. They also said there would be some trim parts I might like to source in the meantime. After a few posts on the owner’s pages a friend of mine said ‘I’ve a whole boot lid you can have that has all the trim items attached to it. Do you want to come and get it?

Well there were skid marks on the drive the following weekend, my friend owns a LOT of classic cars so it would be a fun day. First stop was his underground garage where he keeps a few of them, and lots of parts so we picked up the boot lid which was in great condition but painted brown; no problem the body shop can paint that, but plenty more of that later. We were just loading up when another friend rocked up and said ‘are you coming to Waterloo classics now’? Jon said. ‘I’d forgotten about that, shall we go in the model T’? Gods yes! Anyone that has been in one knows they are huge fun, but on the streets of London are truly terrifying! They have two speeds, about 10 miles an hour, or about 40 miles an hour! Nothing in between, so after getting the model T started 5 minutes later we were bouncing round the streets of London at what seemed pantaloon filling speeds! Huge scary fun.

The next few months, May through to July there were a number of my usual shows plus a tour of the Peak District organised by Phil Allin. A brilliant weekend, already well covered in a previous blog and over a thousand miles clocked up. I managed to call in to Caudwell Mill on the way home which is a fascinating place with lots of history, however they were currently modifying the mill's turbines to generate electricity giving a modern use for the old machinery, as I said fascinating and well worth a visit.

2nd week in July I got a call from the body shop saying they were ready to take the car the following week and could I get any parts to them in readiness. So the following week I took the parts into them to find they had already picked up the car and wanted to speak to me. I was walked round the car by the paint guy who started pointing out things I hadn’t noticed, plus a fair few dings and battle scars I had. He said ‘we can repair the damage and paint the affected areas but it will look like a crash repaired car, or we can do the whole car for £800 more’….. well I nearly bit his hand off, just do the whole car please. A decision I’m so pleased I made.

August was a busy month, there was the steam rally over the first weekend, one of my favourite shows as there is so much to see and do. Then the following weekend was the Somerset and Scrumpy tour where the Gar weather was on point, actually flooding a few peoples tents so badly they went home! Again, well covered in a previous blog.

The following weekend was MOT time, which passed with no problems and the inspector commented on the number of miles I’d clocked up, over 2.5K in the year. Whilst I was there I got a message from the council saying I was next on the list and a garage had become available in a block that was 5 minutes walk from my house and would I come and sign the contract and collect the keys. Result!

Then during the last week the body shop said the car was ready, would I like to pick it up!

To be continued………..

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Making Enthusiasts Grille Badges

6/12/2020

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by Gar Cole.

The Group grille badges have always been received warmly by our members with very positive comments in the quality and detailing. A common question I'm asked is why it takes over 8 weeks to make just 60 - 80 badges, well last year I was invited to our suppliers workshop for a tour; if you're interested in top quality old-school British craftsmanship then read on.

There are no computers on the shop floor, just old-looking mechanical presses and other interesting devices. The badges start by being stamped out from a sheet of 2.5mm thick steel. Once the desired amounts are cut they are individually smoothed around the edges with a belt wheel, then placed into a clamp where there are stamped with our design using our custom tool head.

Now the artistry starts; the writing and outer edges of the flag are raised with the coloured areas recessed from the press, the white, red and blue enamel paint is applied by hand (fascinating to watch), the outer lettering is also covered in white paint at this point as is the centre writing in the middle of the flag in red paint.

Once applied the badges are 'cooked' in the oven for 30 mins at 220f. Following this they are allowed to cool and 'stabilise' for 24hrs. The next process is to lightly sand the leading face; this carefully removes all the enamel paint from the raised surfaces of the lettering, outer ring and the flag borders which re- exposes the base steel metal on the raised surfaces.

After cleaning , the coloured areas are filled in with a type of wax using a tiny pipette - this protects the paint from the next process. The badges are then dipped in a large bath of bubbling steaming chemicals firstly for a short 20 seconds, then twice more, each time progressively longer to build up the 'Rose Gold' plating which interestingly is their most expensive finish - we do like quality in this group.

Following the plating process they are hung to cool again, then the protective wax covering the paint is dissolved in a solution. Finally the newly-plated rose gold finish is polished to a bright shine on a finishing belt machine. All very labour-intensive, but the quality speaks for itself; currently available to buy below.

Buy Here

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Bollywood beckons - Fatbloke and Poppy Pt 63

26/10/2020

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By Mike Peake

So, are you wondering about the title or have you fallen asleep already? The Tuesday after my weekend polishing marathon, Josh Hawes put out an appeal in our group wanting a red convertible car for filming the very next day in central London. I tentatively offered Poppy thinking nothing would come of it. However, no sooner had I sent the message than Josh was on the phone telling me where I had to be, when I had to be there and also that I would actually be paid for driving my car through London.

So after chatting to a couple of friends who’d done film work and hearing about the lush warm catering vans, posh toilets and all the film stars I agreed to the job. The where was St James Square in London which was not a problem. The when however, was 5AM!! “At least we’d miss the traffic then” I said to Josh which was apparently the only positive comment he’d received about the meeting time.

Well Gladys the SatNav was saying it was a 2 hour trip so I allowed another hour for the “unforeseen” and worked out that I would have to leave home at 2am which would mean setting my alarm for 1am. It was already 9pm so I went to bed.

2am Wednesday I set off, stopping for fuel on the High Street. The run was great. I seemed to be the only car amongst the lorries and the drivers seemed to enjoy encouraging us along with quite a few toots on the horn a wave or a thumbs up. Despite having to detour through Reading because the M4 was closed between junctions 11 and 12, I made excellent time and arrived in St James Square at ten past four.

There was no one there. No toilet blocks, no catering vans, no other classic cars, no one. Well I am a bit early I thought so I waited. At ten past 5, 2 mini buses arrived and about 30 Indian people got out and immediately congregated around Poppy exclaiming excitedly in Punjabi. It was a while before anyone approached me to ask if I was there for the filming and to tell me that everyone loved the car and she was exactly what they were after. Then they all left to congregate at the back of 2 Luton vans that had just arrived.

Gradually, at about 5.15am, other classics rolled into the Square. I was joined by a split screen VW camper, a Rolls Royce, Dale Scutter in his Hillman Minx, Craig in Josh’s very tatty Allegro 3 and 2 London taxis; one was a Metro Cab and the other was a 2001 TX1.

Library Picture

Then, nothing happened at all until 7am when all the classics except Poppy and the camper were told to drive in convoy around Piccadilly Circus several times, which they did. The Rolls led, with one of the production coordinators riding shotgun to direct operations. Apparently on the 3rd lap he received a phone call, had a nervous breakdown and turned into a gibbering jelly, causing the Roller driver to lead the convoy into a one way bus lane and nearly crashing into an oncoming bus. Having narrowly avoided disaster, the Rolls led the convoy back to the Square and the production assistant was never seen again. Maybe this should have clued us in on how the rest of the day would go.

9am and still no sign of a catering bus or any toilets, so we drivers took matters into ourr own hands and went to a Café Nero up the road. A disorderly queue was formed for the single toilet and very much needed strong coffee was ordered.

Still no catering van, but breakfast of sorts arrived at about 10.30am.

Yes, that’s what we thought too. We went back to Café Nero.

Then, nothing happened at all. I mean nothing with no indication from the production crew of when anything would happen.

We did however learn a bit about the film. It was a Punjabi language comedy and they were aiming for cross between a Carry On film and Four Weddings and a Funeral. It was about an Indian pop band that came to the UK to “make it big” and the VW camper was their tour bus. The film will be called “Paani CH Madaani”.

We were told that this is a clever play on words and means “Churning water”. It is a reference to a parable where a mouse falls into a bucket of milk but struggles so much and never gives up. Eventually, the mouse’s struggles churn the milk to butter and he can climb out. I guess churning water will have no effect.

As you can see, it will be released in February 2021 so you have plenty of time to book your flights to India and learn Punjabi so you can see Poppy’s starring role.

Still nothing happened and some of the drivers were getting a bit frustrated and I was beginning to doubt the tales of glamour and glitz that I’d been told about filming.

We were all rather cold and in need of a toilet break so headed off to Café Nero again. However, as it would be rude to use the facilities without a purchase, we also bought more coffee, which would lead to the inevitable vicious circle.

There was a bit of a problem for some of the Extras who were dressed up as down and outs in that the coffee shop staff wouldn’t serve them thinking they were actually down and outs. We only laughed a bit.

You just get a better class of Tramp in St James Square.

At 2.30 pm we were all told to head off in convoy and drive around Trafalgar Square several times. It was pointed out that you can no longer drive all the way around Trafalgar Square and the necessary detour would take several minutes.

This didn’t seem to worry the production crew overly and we were told to get on with it so we did. We managed to stay in convoy for the 1st lap but by the time we’d been up around Aldwych and back we had moderns between us and even more by the 3rd and 4th lap so we gave up and went back to St James Square. Of course, as is the way with London, all our parking spaces in the square had been taken and we were forced to double park and keep an eagle eye for wardens.

None of us had seen any cameras filming us on our drive and I began to suspect that it had all been a ploy to silence the more vocal among the frustrated drivers.

It was however, great fun driving a classic through central London. The tourists are less reserved than the normal British public and shouted, waved and took plenty of photos. One lady told me Poppy was her “Dream car” whilst she took photos at a pedestrian crossing. Even “proper Londoners” seemed impressed with several cabbies winding down their windows and calling out “Lovely motaa Guvna” and giving me a big thumbs up. I even had a chauffeur in a luxury Mercedes pull up alongside me and telling me his sister had one back in the day, before saying that they look much smaller now especially with me driving. It took me a while to figure out, but I think he was calling me fat!

Anyway, the day continued pretty much as before with zero communication from the production team. Lunch turned up at about 3.30pm and looked just as appetising as breakfast.

We went to Café Nero again.

At about 4.30, we were told that the Allegro, Minx and the newer black Cab could go home but they wanted to keep Poppy, the Rolls, the Metro Cab and the Campervan for more filming - although they didn’t say when or where or what for.

It wasn’t until 5pm, a full 13 hours after we arrived, that Poppy and I got to hear “ACTION”

The Director came over to me and through an interpreter, asked if one of the actors could drive my car? Having been privy to tales of how some of the actors had treated the camper when they’d driven it, I refused point blank. It turned out I was to be very glad of this decision and all the waiting around turned out to be worth it.

You see, the directions I was given was that I was to carry 3 passengers and was to pull up at the junction at the end of Waterloo Place next to the camper.

Here is a picture of the actors in Poppy.

It got better though. The couple in the back were told to be “as passionate as you can be whilst keeping your clothes on” and the young lady next to me was told to be the same with my left hand side while I kept my eyes resolutely on the road. The poor young lady did extremely well in quickly masking the look of horror that passed across her face but I was less successful at hiding my soppy grin. Anyway for some reason, it took 47 takes before we got it right and the Director was getting quite cross with me. I really can’t think why I went wrong so often. The actors loved the attention Poppy and therefore they were getting from the public on the drives to the location.

And that was it. I was handed a wodge of folding money which was nice, as after my acting debut, I would quite happily have done it for free. I was slightly disappointed that I wasn’t going to be in one of those famous big Bollywood dance numbers, but I suppose that would be asking too much of Lady Luck!

Goodbyes were said and I set off home in the London rush hour. Even that was quite pleasant though as traffic was a lot lighter than usual because of COVID I guess, and loads of Londoners wanted to chat about Poppy while we were stuck in the queues. I’ve not driven a classic in London before and it was much nicer than I was expecting.

2 hours of faultless and quite rapid driving (for a 50 year old car) later I pulled up at home and I made a full confession to Mrs FB. She was cross. Very cross, but not because I was canoodling with a young lady .No, Apparently, my behaviour was less than COVID-aware and I should be more careful.

Anyway, for whatever reason, I am now quarantined in the caravan on the drive. I’m hoping that it is only for the 2 weeks suggested by the Government but I’ll let you know. Oh, and last night, I was told they wanted Poppy back. Not sure when though. I agreed instantly.

The when was Sunday, at the much more sensible time of 3pm and it was at Heathrow instead of central London. Poppy continued to be a proper show off and it seemed as if all the crew and actors wanted their photo taken with her. I think it was Poppy’s version of giving autographs.

The reason Poppy was needed again was that the scene taken in central London last time, was far too “steamy” for Punjabi cinema and needed reshooting.

Natalie (Yes, I know her name now) and I were told to carry on as pretty much as before, but the 2 in the back were told to tone it down a touch. As it was the scene taken out of the camper, looking down into Poppy’s open cockpit, we only had to pull up alongside the camper and act. If you can call maintain a silly grin whilst being canoodled by a young lady acting, then I acted my socks off. We had it all in the can (I know! get me with the lingo!) in just 32 takes this time despite my best efforts.

A perfectly behaved Poppy then took me back home… to my quarantine caravan.

Stay safe everyone. I’ll be back when I’ve got something to write about.

Some creative licence may have been employed in the telling of this tale.

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Lockdown Blues 2. Fatbloke and Poppy pt 62

23/10/2020

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By Mike Peake

Hello chaps. Well that’s another 6 months gone by without a blog. That makes only two blogs in the last 12 months. I’m going to assume that you’ve missed me as it’s far better for my ego that way, and apologise for my laziness, but with no shows or tours this year, it has been a real struggle to find enough material to fill a whole blog. However, I’ve scraped the bottom of the barrel, (what do you mean “What’s new”?) and hope I’ve got enough to keep you amused for a few minutes.

Are you sitting comfortably? Then I shall begin.

One of the 1st things I did to Poppy when I bought her was to have the 1968 Motorola radio that she’d been fitted with reconditioned, converted to FM and fitted with an auxiliary lead so I could play a Walkman through the radio. The radio was fine, however the auxiliary lead had never worked well. It was just a 1.5 meter lead coming out the back of the radio with a jack plug on which got in the way as it just trailed on the floor. I sort of fixed it by drilling a small hole in the back of the glove box and feeding the lead into the box, but in fixing one problem, I created another. It was very difficult now to change the music whilst driving but was good enough. All this was 20 years ago. Technology has moved on. Now, I have an iPhone. I have maps on my iPhone. I have a handy speedometer app on my iPhone and I have most of my music collection on my iPhone. Best of all, it all works at the same time. The problem was, I couldn’t plug it into the radio for my tunes or it would be in the glove box and I couldn’t see my satnav, or I could see my satnav but had no tunes.

I decided it needed fixing. I managed to find some 3.5mm sockets online and purchased the minimum order quantity of 5. Which at the time was rather annoying.

So, I cut off the jack plug on the auxiliary lead and pulled it out of the glove box. Then, rather cunningly, I plugged the plug into my new sockets and using the continuity tester on my multimeter, I was able to establish what colour wire went to which pin on the back of the socket. Then, using my grandfather’s (No, not the bus driver) soldering iron which is older than me, I made my 1st attempt. It didn’t go well. Let’s just say that I was glad that the MOQ of 3.5mm jack sockets is more than one.

As you can see, the 2nd …ish attempt was far more successful.

Now, before anyone takes the Mickey, I would like to remind you all that you won’t be able to see the joints unless you find yourself upside down in the passenger seat with your head in the floor well. If you do happen to find yourself in this position then I assure you that you will have other things on your mind than thinking “Oh, look at those ugly joints.”

Further, when I plugged it all in and turned it on, it all worked beautifully. That, in my book, is all the elements of a perfectly executed soldered joint.

Next up, was mounting the socket in the car. Along with my 1968 Motorola radio, Poppy came with it fitted in the original dealer fit console and speaker box. Apparently, these are rarer than rocking horse doodoos now so I thought long and hard about drilling a hole in it. Then I drilled a hole in it.

My thinking was that A. it was the best place for it. B. the socket was small and metallic so will be hardly noticeable. And C. it’s my car, my console so yaa boo sucks to anyone who says different.

I think it all looks rather neat and it works a treat. Unfortunately, I can’t show a picture of my phone all mounted up and connected because my camera is on my phone, which was all mounted up and connected. I’m ashamed to say that it took me several minutes of searching for my phone to take a picture before I realised this.

I’m really pleased with the job, as I can now be told where to go whilst listening to Deep Purple. Just like being at home with Mrs FB really.

Next up on my list jobs to do was give Poppy a service and while I was at it, I’d change the oil pressure sensor which stopped working after my old jump-leads melted when attached to the starter in close proximity. I’d also replace the coolant drain tap on the engine block which had seized up. The service and the oil pressure sensor change all went really well. The drain tap on the other hand…

1st up, a socket wouldn’t fit on because of the tap bit being in the way so I spent a considerable time looking for the rather odd sized 13/16” spanner which I eventually found in the bottom of a very large box of odd sized imperial spanners that Muggle friends, neighbours and family keep giving me when they clear out their garages.

My problems didn’t end there. The only way to get the spanner on the tap was to squeeze my prop forward arms between the down pipe and the block, spend 3 minutes trying to fit the spanner onto the tap only to be able to turn ¼ of a turn before having to repeat the process endlessly. Then do it all again to fit the new tap… which leaked. So I tightened it up some more. It still wept from the tread so I tightened it up some more. This continued until all of a sudden, it started turning really easily. I said bad words. Very bad words. So I went through it all again to put the old one back on.

Cheap tat!

Shush!

I then spent a while staring at the stripped thread whilst fuming at the “cheap tat” that they get away with selling now. I stopped when I realised I sounded just like my Dad. So I took a picture of the stripped thread and posted it on Facebook asking everyone to fume at the “cheap tat” they get away with selling now. I’m going to replace it with a simple plug if anyone can point me in the right direction.

Now, as you may remember, I spent last summer re-spraying the rest of Poppy red and was telling everyone who asked why I hadn’t done the white stripe that I was waiting to make sure that the red was fully cured before sticking masking tape on it. I can now reveal that the real reason was that I’d lost the will to live and was thoroughly fed up with painting. A full 12 months later, I still felt the same. Fortunately, I have a very good friend in Saint Tosh “Ow Mooch” Brooks who took pity on me and volunteered to do my stripe for me. All I had to do was drive it up to his toy box on a farm near Doncaster. Which I did when COVID restrictions had lifted enough to allow this sort of thing.

As I was pulling up by the farm gate near a church, a lovely young lady came running over asking if she could borrow my “lovely little car” as they were doing a wedding photo shoot for a magazine. Well Poppy was immediately up for this and very flattered to be asked. I was unceremoniously kicked out while Poppy positioned herself in the most photogenic setting she could find.

Photos by Hannah Sheerman Photography and I’m sure you’ll all agree, she did a fine job.

After this slight delay, it was down to Tosh’s Toy box where he worked his magic in fine style.

In the time it would have taken me to find a paint brush, Tosh had Poppy flatted back, masked up and sprayed. It was amazing to watch a master at work. Seriously, he had the job done in 2 hours flat. It would have taken me a week. I was really rather pleased. So a huge thanks is offered to Tosh.

What’s really great is that Poppy’s stripe is the same shade of white as Apollo, Tosh and Gus’s Rover P5B camper and a favourite amongst the group. It’s good to know that a bit of Apollo will stay with the group after that heartless old b…er…Yorkshire man sold her out from underneath us.

RIP Apollo. You will be missed.

A few more months went by with me, Poppy and the family off round the green lanes whenever possible to blow the cobwebs away and although we’ve lived in this town all our adult lives, I’m still discovering new roads

However come October, I decided it was about time I got on with finishing Poppy’s paint job by flatting back the white stripes which came up fantastically. I was so pleased that I ended up flatting back and machine polishing the rest of the car again and wow! What a difference that has made. I’m now almost pleased with the job I did last summer. There is still the odd sanding mark and a few runs but I managed to remove most of the orange peel and she looks much better for it. I certainly don’t hate it anymore like I did when I finished last year.

Thanks for reading chaps and if it’s not too much for you, I shall be back shortly with tales of fame and Bollywood.

See you soon.

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Dads and their lads

25/9/2020

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Written by Gar Cole

The anniversary of my Dad's passing recently came and went so it's at this time of year many memories and emotions bubble to the surface to fill my thoughts. I still love to talk about him even now, things he'd done in his life and the incredible experiences he had, and the happy memories we made over the 36 years I was lucky to have him around.

He came from a long line of gifted men who all shared a love for all things mechanical and the desire to see their sons succeed in different careers instead of the traditional working class jobs available at the time. It's a story of trains, planes and automobiles compiled from records from Ancestry.Com and family tales; their story is my story. Still with me?

My great grandfather George J Cole (1873 - 1951 hailed from the Forest of Dean but his son and my grandfather Thomas we know was born in Filton (Bristol). This started our search on Ancestry where we found out he was a train driver for the GWR railway company, something we hadn't known until recently. He was registered in this profession on the 1911 census and we were surprised such a relatively young man of 37 had made his way through the ranks to engine driver.

He was also registered as living in Filton with a young lady called Mary who was 'domestic service'. We know this girl was my grandfather's mother although they never married. We were later shocked to find that George was already married and had a wife and family of 6 children already registered in Waterloo. I guess you could say he was 'tooting his whistle' at both ends of the railway line! We have no idea if either lady knew about the other but he seems to have kept this deception going between his marriage in 1894 and relocating to South Wales in 1914. He transferred to working out of Pengam railway goods yard near Cardiff, which we assume was to do with the war effort delivering munitions to the ports.

My Grandfather Thomas J Cole 1912 - 1980, born in Filton but raised in Abertillery was a sporty and restless character who excelled at mechanical engineering. He was a keen long-distance cyclist and played rugby to a high standard for Gelligaer Rugby club for 2 years (1932-33). After marrying my grandmother in 1934 he relocated to Filton in 1936 with his pregnant wife to work for BAE systems, where he worked on fabricating the sheet metal for the aircraft bodies.

He worked firstly on the Bristol type 105 'bulldog' and later after the war broke out the 'Beaufighter' working for BAE. Aircraft in general were Thomas's passion, my grandmother and 3yo father Gerry returned to South Wales to live with her parents after war broke out in 1939 for their own safety as the Aircraft factory was a major enemy target. Sadly this was borne out one sunny day in September 1940; Thomas and his co workers had just headed out of the factory for their lunch break when a surprise air raid by 80 German aircraft rained bombs on the plant and surrounding area.

The raid lasted less than 1 minute yet substantial damage was caused to the factory and sadly 132 people died in the raid, 92 of them Bristol employees. My grandfather Thomas was one of 315 casualties, being hit in the lower left leg by shrapnel. They managed to stem the bleeding and save his life but he lost his leg below the knee. After this devastating incident he returned to his wife in South Wales. It's clear he didn't let this injury get him down as my aunt Pat was born a little over 9 months after he returned! Thomas later went on to be union shop steward at Penalta coal mine and worked hard to improve the working conditions of the men right up to his retirement in 1977.

My Dad Gerry J Cole (1936 - 2013 ) born in the Rymney Valley was gifted both academically and mechanically. He excelled at Pengam grammar school, with one of his school friends a certain Neil Kinnock (he later became the Labour Party Leader then an MEP). Money was scarce in the Welsh valleys and my Dad left school at 15 in 1951 to find work.

It was always assumed in mining communities that boys would head straight for the mines; despite my grandfather Thomas being union rep he didn't want his eldest son to work underground. My Dad was also a restless soul, an avid reader of adventure novels who longed to travel. Luckily his own Grandfather George was still alive and despite being long retired as a driver he managed to get my Dad an apprenticeship at the same Pengam train yard that he had retired from in 1946. My dad loved it, learning his heavy engineering skills maintaining the rolling stock and he reveled in his free employee travel pass, visiting places such as Weston-Super-Mare and London for the first time.

Aged 17 he signed up for the RAF in 1954 and was stationed at Boscombe Down. Continuing to develop his mechanical skills and following his father in a similar path he became an airframe maintenance technician and was soon off around the world. His first trip abroad was in an aging Shackleton bomber heading out to Ceylon (modern day Sri Lanka ), a noisy 14-hour trip with 3 landings to refuel en route.

Later in 1955 he transferred to RAF Akrotiri on the island of Cyprus. The island was under British control at that time and rebel EOKA forces were fighting for a union with Greece. Dad's arrival got off to a bad start after their plane was shot at over a wooded area and forced to land. He spent the next day patching up bullet holes in the wings and fuselage; strangely he never wanted to go on holiday there later in life.

He later spent 3 years stationed on Malta, which he described as the best time of his life. He and 4 mates bought an old Ford V8 pilot between them, so they could pretend they were a higher rank and it was shared out on 'date nights' , the local ladies never seeming to notice that these young guys didn't actually all own a car of their own.

During 1958 he flew out to Christmas Island with the Vickers Valliants of No49 squadron. They were so excited to be part of watching Britain's nuclear testing. Dad and his mates were fascinated and had a great time out at the island watching this awesome spectacle. Of course many years later everyone realised the danger they had all been exposed to without adequate protection. An estimated 88% of the servicemen went on to develop cancer - another of his lucky escapes.

During his last 3 years in the RAF Dad was in the V bomber squadron, maintaining the planes including his beloved Vulcan. As part of the ground crew he often took part in the ' fast scramble ' exercises using the vehicle-mounted turbo starters.

After leaving the RAF in 1963, Dad returned to Wales riding around on his Royal Enfield 350 bullet and caught the eye of my mother. They married a year later and he worked at Cardiff's Rhoose airport.

His restless nature returned after several years and they relocated when he started working at Elmdon airport (now Birmingham international), in 1972. At this time Mom was working for a company called 'Andrews Heat for Hire'. Some might remember that name as the main sponsors on Russell Brooks' rally car during the late 70s / early 80s.

Dad was between jobs after leaving Elmdon having called his boss an 'insufferable prat' who hadn't a fraction of Dad's experience but treated his employees like idiots. At the Andrews Christmas party the parents met guest of honour Russell Brooks and he and dad got on really well, so much so that he joined the crew on the 78 Circuit of Ireland Rally.

While not a car mechanic, Dad was brilliant at quickly fabricating brackets, mounts or other parts that failed and had to be quickly made and fitted between stages. He described it as quite a rush being part of that world with fast-paced days and hard drinking nights. Brooks went on to win the 1978 event, but with 3 kids aged 13, 10 and 1 (me), Mom wasn't keen for him being away from home too often.

Growing up with a Dad like this was a gift for me. I loved cars, planes and trains so he took me to watch rallies, many airshows, built me amazing model railways and of course he was car mad. He had Granadas, SD1s, Land Rovers, Jaguars, Vauxhalls, Minis, in fact most British tin. He would come in from work excited and say 'get your coat on ma boy, I've seen a cracker at a little garage in town'. He would buy cars cheap, fix them up perfectly, get bored and sell it on before doing it all over again, much to the annoyance of my mother. He encouraged my love of cars which continues to this day. However where George, Thomas and Gerry seemed to be born with a spanner in their hand, I'm actually hopeless at it! My Dad joked I was born with a cook book in my hand.

My best mate has been gone for 7 years now and I miss him with all my heart. When you have somebody that always has your back and always wants what's best for you that leaves such a void when it's gone, but I know that continuing the interests we shared through this car club and the brilliant and gifted people its brought me into contact with, the places we've been and shows we've put on makes me feel I'm adding to their story in my own way.

Gar J Cole

Dad and me on his Ventora

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Brits Abroad: USA

6/9/2020

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by Paul Sweeney

This is the first of a new feature focusing on members with pre-85 Brits living outside the United Kingdom - in this case, the USA.
My sincere thanks to those who took up the challenge and sent in their car photos and some information.

Member: Timothy Olson

"I started collecting British cars because I loved the interesting variety of companies and models of cars. I started collecting American and German cars but then decided to focus on British cars that are rarely seen in the USA. I have owned 18 different British cars, but now I have ten and all are drop heads.

That seems like a good number for me right now. I am able to fit eight cars in my garage and in the summer I rent two neighbors garages for the others. In the winter my garage is heated and two are stored in a secure and heated facility. In the summer I like to get all the cars out and running with the help of a number of friends who take turns driving the different cars.

The most difficult car to drive is the 1934 Austin 7. I give an award for bravery for anyone who drives the car. We live in a beautiful area and our drives take us north often along the shore of Lake Michigan.

I bought the Triumph Herald that had been stored in a garage for 25 years. This car is the only one that I restored myself. It took almost 3 years. It was my first and last restoration. The car was featured in the Wall Street Journal.
Pictures of my current cars can be seen at www.britcars.us"

Member: Mike Eder

"I am a retired Moravian pastor and current police chaplain who stumbled upon a Jensen Interceptor MK II in a shed it had inhabited for more than 30 years (disassembled). I realized that in 2019 it would be the 50th anniversary of the MK II model. I decided to build my car as if Jensen were still in business and they would release a "5oth Anniversary Special Edition" Interceptor.

Same Italian design lines and proportions, same hand crafted coachwork, same American muscle (490 hp custom LS motor). 21st century bells & whistles; fuel injection, 6-speed automatic, keyless, power boot, ground effects, 17" alloy wheels, navigation, blue tooth, rear camera, etc."

Here is a video for more pictures, etc

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Alldays and Onions

3/9/2020

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by Brian Allison

My Lords, Ladies and Gentlemen,
gather round whilst I introduce for your delectation, delight and wonderment this latest lantern slide of the magnificence, the last word in technological achievement , the pride of the Empire's engineering industry , that is Ladies and Gentlemen, the Alldays and Onions Automobile.

Boasting a powerful new engine with the might of ten good horses ensuring smooth progress at all times this is surely the very pinnacle of superbity.

Note the supremely comfortable upholstery, specially designed to ensure that you arrive at your destination not only in great style, but unperturbed, and in no way discomforted by your journey in any way. Neither is inclement weather a problem when being conveyed in this superb machine. Thanks to the protection afforded by the carefully designed hood and windscreen, inclement weather need no longer detract from the extremely satisfying pleasure which is to be found when travelling in this fine machine.

You will also notice the extremely easy to use controls. Indeed, so easy in use are the controls of this fine conveyance, that I venture to say even the ladies could possibly find themselves capable of driving it.

Alldays and Onions was a prolific Birmingham based engineering company with a vast range of products, from bellows to drop hammers. They produced their first car in 1898. The one in the post is a 1908 10 hp. They ceased car production in 1918 but continued to make motor cycles under the Alldays - Matchless name until 1915 when they changed the name of the motorcycle to the Allon, presumably to avoid confusion with the London based Matchless motor cycle. Motor cycle production ceased in 1927.

The fourth photo is the tractor they produced 1917 - 18.

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Driving test stories

26/8/2020

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from Admin

We asked our members to share memories of their driving tests and the responses were so much fun, we've collected them all here for you to enjoy.

1974 in a Ford Anglia. I was told by the examiner to use hand signals and do a three point turn. All went fine until further down the road he told my to turn right at the junction, I put on the indicator, then he said we are still using hand signals, so I put my right arm straight out of the window and left arm through the centre of the steering wheel to turn the indicator off.
Incorrect use of the controls.
Max Carman😞

Had a Morgan 3 wheeler for my 16th birthday in '62. Went for test, it was raining. No doors on the Morgan but a working hood easy hinge up and down and 3 press studs holding to the windscreen frame, no sidescreens and hood needed to be lowered to get in and out.

Test inspector was a large man, very large. Did the eye sight test, went to the miniscule car, lowered the hood (seats not too wet) inspector shoe-horned himself in.

Oh, by the way, had no starter motor so had to hand crank which meant retarding ignition by the lever on the steering wheel, turning off ignition, back to the front to turn the enine to the compression point, back to the cockpit to switch on ignition, back to the front and sharp pull up of the starting handle with thumb tucked away safely in casd of backfire and removal of thumb and possibly other parts of anatomy depending on trajectory of flying handle.

If you got the hand throttle and choke settings just right it may start or it's back and fore adjusting until success then dashing back to the cockpit, throwing the starting handle onto the floor, advancing ignition, blipping the throttle and adjusting the choke - both also hand operated levers mounted on the steering wheel - to keep it running, climbing in and pulling the hood over the now soggy inspector.

Set off, the one vacuum-operated wiper scraping feebly away at my aeroscreen. So far so good! But, following instructions about 2 minutes later we arrived at an uphill tee-junction to turn right onto a main road - yes, you guessed, in my nervous condition I stalled and had to go through the starting procedure all over again!

I actually persuaded the inspector to switch the ignition on and off to save time while the traffic built up behind. After that it all went swimmingly, especially the inspector sitting in a pool of rainwater.

Never really understood why I failed but he certainly didn't mention any of the above!
Owen Short

A neighbour when making the 3 point turn did the first part and turned the car across the road. Then when she tried to engage reverse which was up to the left and lift, the gear stick came off in her hand.

The test was abandoned with the car left in the middle of the road.
Tony Dixon

I took my test in 79 in my own car, a 59 Morris Mini. It didn't have seat belts and the front seats were just the tip up and down variety (no locking).

I won't go into the finer details but you can imagine what happened to my instructor when he banged his clipboard on the dash to signal my emergency brake attempt. Squished against the inside of the windscreen and then a crumpled heap in the foot well.

Being a a proper old school fellow he dusted himself off and told me to return to the test centre immediately. You can't comprehend my delight when he handed me my pass certificate and wished me a happy life of motoring.
Nick Mead

When i took my HGV Lorry test I arrived at the test centre in a different lorry that had been booked with them. The first part of test was the reverse manoeuvre and I couldn’t do it.

When the examiner checked his paperwork the lorry I was driving was 3 metres longer!
😬
He reset the cones further apart and I did it first time no issues, except I was a bag of nerves and failed on lots of minor issues!

2nd time around I passed no issues, but I did check I was booked in with the correct size lorry first
Jonathan Griffiths

I didn't fail, but during my test in Clifton, Bristol in May 1975, I turned into a very narrow side street to be confronted by a Rolls-Royce completely blocking the street as it attempted a 3-point turn right in front of me.

The poor driver was heaving and straining on the steering wheel - it took him so many "back and forths", I had put my Mini into neutral with the handbrake on long before the Roller finally drove away.

The test examiner sat in silence the entire time, simply murmuring, "Well done" as I was at last able to continue my test.
Paul Sweeney

I passed my test first time in 1971, in Slough. I had a practice lesson with my instructor, a sexist old boy who had a constant eye on the young ladies as I drove past them rather than what I was doing, and took the test in his Austin 1300. Having a decent car helped. On arrival at the test centre I was told to stay in the car and the examiner would come out to me.

I did that which was necessary and on return to the test centre i was told that I had passed. I was to stay put and my instructor would come out to me.

The instructor came out and asked if I had passed. Yes, I responded. He then told me that there were 4 females taking their test at the same time. They all failed, demonstrating that males are better drivers than females. I dare not shout that too loud in most environments!
Anthony Osborne

Failed my first test for laughing at the examiner. He was a known miserable old sod. Anyway, midway through my three-point turn the little rear view mirror used by the instructor fell off. It his the right knee of the examiner and he made a right old fuss - you’d have though he’d been hit by an axe. I laughed at him - which was in hindsight a mistake.
Alex Valvasurra😣

My mother drove lots of things during the war (ambulances, buses, mobile operating theatres, etc) but didn't take a test. She didn't renew her licence post-war as the family didn't have a car.

Fast forward to about 1970. She decides to drive again and after a few 'test drives' in the old man's Zodiac (where he said she appeared to drive as though she had a bell on the front of the car) she books a test.

Come the test day she cruises round the circuit and the rather familiar looking examiner hands her a Pass certificate. She looks at it and sees his name: he is a guy who partnered her in the ambulance on occasions during the war, and who never drove except for one occasion when she needed to be in the back of the ambulance!

When they eventually arrived at the hospital he apologised for the slow journey as he had only ever driven a traction engine before and didn't know about changing gear!
Mick Brabrook-Norman🤣

Lad at work was taking his HGV test. After waiting to pull away out of the test centre,he saw a gap,let his foot off the clutch,........in reverse!
Michael Foster🤪

Failed first time in 2015, was queuing for a roundabout stationary in the right lane while a car was inching forward in the left lane a bit too close and scraped my left wing mirror. Any contact regardless of fault is a fail!
Peter Walker

I failed in a Morris Minor with a fierce clutch and stalled it on an uphill start. I was told I failed not because of the stall but I just dipped clutch fired it up and set off holding it on foot brake heel and toe - I should have put handbrake on put it in neutral and started from scratch.
Richard Shaw

Passed my bike and car tests first time and whilst I know that's not the point of the thread, I just wanted you to know 😂😂
I do have a funny story; my late aunt took her test (many years ago) and the examiner near the end said, "You know where you are now then?" (being a local lass) she replied "No, I've had my eyes shut"... i don't actually know whether she passed or not...
Steve Broughton

I was a distracted mess on my test after the examiner got in the car as she was stunningly attractive and wearing a fashionably short skirt; not at all what a hormone-addled 17 year old needs!

I ended up speeding in a 30 zone and completely fluffed the sign recognition questions, so it came as something of a surprise when she handed me my pass certificate!
Andrew Spittlehouse

I failed my driving test after being put in a car I'd never driven. My driving instructor - an ex-Brooklands racing driver, Police driving instructor and Jaguar test driver - age 82, had rolled his Escort on the way to get me for my test practice.

I ended up being driven in a spare car at high speed straight to the test centre without practice beforehand!
Andy Jones

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I modified my Dad's brand new HB Viva SL90

25/8/2020

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by Alan Warwick

Well, it must have been August 1966 travelling back overnight from North Wales that we spotted a pretty dark blue saloon on trade plates coming down the A41 - probably from Vauxhall's Ellesmere Port factory. It didn't have any badges except for a "V" in the centre of its front grille and, as an apprentice at Vauxhall dealer Capital Motors in Hornsey, I knew a new shape Viva was to replace the HA in the latter part of 1966 - so I assumed correctly this was it!

Standard - as delivered

When I arrived back at my Tottenham home I enthused about its attractive shape and encouraged my Dad Fred to order one as our family car to replace the Hillman Husky currently serving us OK.

As the new "E" suffix registration plate was to be issued from the 1st of January 1967 we waited until then for delivery of our Glacier white Vauxhall Viva SL90 with the higher performance engine, black upholstery and DISC brakes. It was delivered with the then new-fangled Dunlop Radial tyres - SP41s I think and 41/2 J wheels.

I was working on the shop floor so was allowed to fit all the extras in my lunch hours; Motorola 5 push button radio, wing mirrors with base-plates, fog and spot lamps etc and an alarm. The alarm was not a success as it went off on windy nights or if someone jogged the car but the immobiliser switch hidden under the dash gave us a sense of security.

I had passed my test in the Husky but my Mum Winifred, sister Ann, girlfriend Sue (later my wife of over 50 years) and my sister's boyfriend Geoff ( later etc, etc ) all had driving lessons in the Viva which consumed clutches at around 25,000 mile intervals. Fortunately I could fit a new clutch in our garage at home in an evening so this was a minor problem, Dad's kindly wallet providing me with a trolley jack and axle stands for the purpose. These were also useful when i carried out jobs for friends and family in evenings and weekends.

Most of the mechanics (the term we used in the '60s, I HATE the word "fitter" - which implies someone who just "fits" parts rather than being competent to diagnose as well. I refer to myself as a "Motor Engineer" which seems good to me. Rant over!) at Capital Motors modified or "tuned" their cars and my Dad trusted me when I suggested modifications at around 30,000 miles.

This was the mileage that a de-coke (de-carbonising the cylinder head) was often carried out, so I proposed this as well as fitting a downdraft Weber 28/36 DCD carburettor to replace the "stroppy" ( as we referred to it ) Stromberg. At the time we had difficulty in getting a good slow-running tickover with the Stromberg on most "90" engines and the superior quality of a Weber was a desirable alternative, giving more performance when required.

Brabham Viva

I removed the cylinder head in our home garage and took it to work, taking the valves out in my lunch hour and getting the local engineering company Johnson Roberts to machine 60 thou (60 thousandths of an inch) off the mating face of the 'head.

This was to increase the compression ratio, releasing superior performance from the red 1159cc engine. 60 thou was recommended by the others in the 'shop but the '90 cylinder head was already a higher compression than standard and this was too much - BEWARE other tuners!! More of that later.

I cleaned up the valves, re-ground them into the freshly-machined head and fitted Terrys stronger valve springs, went home, re-fitted the cylinder head (new gasket with Wellseal sealant as Vauxhall instructions) and added the Weber carburettor on its Blydenstein inlet manifold. Bill Blydenstein was a former racing driver of Borgward Isabella cars who moved on to supplying tuning parts for '60s Vauxhalls and Gerry Marshall was one of the most noteworthy drivers of Blydenstein Vivas. There was a lot of "fettling" of the linkage required to get full throttle on both carb butterflies which included a piece of one eighth welding rod with a sliding nipple.

Weber 28/36 DCD carburettors operate the first "choke" or butterfly up to 5/8th throttle and give excellent economy driven this way but, when you floor the right-hand pedal both "chokes" come into play as well as the accelerator pump jet which gives enhanced performance.

This was the Brabham Viva setup I was used to in the Capital Motors workshop

Twin-Choke Weber carburettor

In addition to the cylinder head and carburettor work I had managed to persuade Dad that his Viva "needed" the benefit of the Brabham Lukey exhaust system as we were used to fitting on the current Brabham Vivas. He was very trusting with his wallet.

A Mobelec electronic ignition system was also fitted, replacing the contact breaker points and condenser (capacitor) which was designed to keep the sparks consistent rather than deteriorating as the points gap altered with wear. I didn't bother Dad with the technicalities - he was more inclined to his touring bike Campagnolo gears…...

Back to the 60 thou off the head, after I'd finished the work I found severe "pinking" unless 5 star petrol was used but as this was readily available at the time it caused no real problem. BEWARE others with "90" engines, i think this may apply to all Viva HC engines, too.

Not long after the SL90 was back in use by several family members, I fitted Spax adjustable shock absorbers (dampers) which stopped "bounce" and made it more stable in corners. Really a front anti-roll bar would have helped as well.

Several cosmetic improvements were carried out including getting the original Vauxhall steering wheel and gear knob stitched with leather as one of my friend's family ran the Formula Steering Wheel company. I also fitted a flush spotlight on the rear panel (opposite the fuel filler) as a reverse light as we had a long unlit drive to reverse up to our garage. And it looked cool!

Our SL90 in the garage where I modified it

Not ours, but a 21st century photo of a very similar car

The modified Viva around 1971 in Cuddington, Bucks

The best things about these modifications is that the Viva ticked over smoothly, was much nicer to drive, had improved fuel consumption and my parents thought it an improvement with no side-effects. Even the three-silencer Brabham Lukey exhaust didn't make extra noise to cause complaints from "the oldies"! I don't think they ever "discovered" the performance given when opening the throttle over 5/8ths.

The car gave reliable service until around 70,000 miles in 1972 when it was sold to my sister and her husband to make way for Dad and Mum's new Vauxhall Viva HC model X14 automatic, but that's another story…….

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Tales from my apprenticeship - Capital Motors

23/8/2020

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by Alan Warwick

It was my Dad, Fred, advising me to go into cars rather than motorbikes because the opportunities would be greater after finishing training. Dad tried to get me an apprenticeship at the Metropolitan Police in Hendon as well as Henley's, the famous Jaguar dealer at Henley's Corner on London's North Circular Road but neither organisation were able to take me. The Tottenham Youth Employment person knew Leslie Durdin, Managing Director of Capital Motors, Hornsey, a Vauxhall, Bedford ( trucks & vans ) and Scammell ( trucks and trailers) dealer.

I was interviewed by Mr Leslie Durdin and started my indentured apprenticeship in September 1965, having gained GCE 'O' levels in Maths, French , English Language, Physics and Technical Drawing at Tottenham County School, most of these 'O' levels coming in useful in my career.

Day one, 6th September 1965, was strange as they didn't seem to be expecting me and didn't know what to do with me so I was sent to work alongside a man in the Engine Shop rebuilding large truck engines, I remember fitting big end bearings.

Next day they seemed to have decided that I should be trained in the 'Stores' which was the motor trade expression for 'Parts department'. I was trained in using big, thick books to identify the part numbers for vehicle components and then finding and issuing the parts as well as helping unloading stock order deliveries and many menial jobs - being the youngest. I remember asking if we had Fire Alarm drill and was told 'you're not at school now, sonny' , how times change.

During the lunch times and whenever possible, I spent time in the workshop looking at the cars, vans and trucks and discovering more about the technical side of them, one colleague was Brian Stevens a former schoolfriend who taught me a great deal.

After several months in the stores, I went to the management and asked if they'd forgotten about me and they relocated me 'out' into the workshop. The first placement was a six months with the Electrician - Dick Marchant - from whom I gained good experience and several catch phrases including 'use your 'ead, save your 'ands' , which was good advice. I learned a great deal about workshop practice and vehicle electrics as well as going out on breakdowns which was always an adventure. One of my favourite jobs was fitting radios as that gave me the opportunity to listen to pop songs broadcast by the many 'Pirate' stations to the London area.

After the six months working alongside Dick, having started my tool purchasing, I was then placed with Fred Leif, the heavy commercial mechanic specialising in Diesel engines. I was NOT looking forward to that, away from cars, getting really oily and Fred was so OLD! Looking back, he was probably in his late fifties and chock-full of vehicle experience which he generously shared with me. Also, he always wore a tie, no health & safety, then!

Fred rarely referred to the manuals - he just knew what to do. We regularly removed Bedford TK truck engines, having first to disconnect the wiring etc and lifting the cab entirely off the vehicle, we didn't have a crane - just a couple of scaffold poles and several strong mechanic helpers! Fred dismantled the engine, throwing all the small parts, nuts and bolts into a large tray and then reassembled it, sometimes days later after waiting for parts, and knew where everything went-without any bits left over.

Southgate Tech

As an Indentured Apprentice, my Dad had signed a contract for me to complete the apprenticeship including my attendance at technical college on a “day release and evening” basis. The company paid for my training, probably with government grant assistance, and I had one day away from work ( on full pay ) to learn how to become a mechanic. I also had to return in the evening for other classes.

I quickly became best friends with two Peters, Cody and Lawson or Pete with a beard and Pete without a beard to family and friends. We used to take it in turns for our mums to give us dinner before returning for the evening, so we were friends with their families, too.

Initially we were in the “mechanics” stream but we soon were put in the higher grade of “technicians”, I passed Motor Vehicle Mechanics, City & Guilds examinations, with distinction and Technicians with credit as well as being presented with “Technician of the Year” award from The Institute of Road Transport Engineers in 1970. I went on to complete an additional 5th year for the management training involved to join the Institute of the Motor Industry (I.M.I. ) as an Associate Member in 1971. Subsequently, I became a Full member of the I.M.I
( Alan Warwick M.I.M.I. on my business cards )

During my time with Fred I was given one of my 'initiations’ to the Motor Trade, new de-greasing tanks had been delivered but (fortunately for me) not yet filled with a paraffin-like fluid. Several of my workmates grabbed hold of me and put me in a tank, closed the lid, sat on it and banged the side with hammers - could this have affected my hearing, subsequently?

Another time, I was put into a tube of 'mutton cloth’ or stockinette which was used to polish cars, then pushed in a wheelbarrow and deposited outside the Managing Director's office. One of the other apprentices was similarly mutton-clothed, put on a 6 foot canteen table and carried across Tottenham Lane outside and placed on the pavement. A passing lady told him “they're going to leave you here”

Because Fred had so many years experience, we got sent on a lot of breakdowns. Once we were repairing a Bedford TK truck on the M1 which involved getting inside hatches at the side of the cab, whilst under there Fred told me not to step back and admire my work - 'elf 'n' safety!

On another occasion, we were on the Southend Arterial Road stopped at traffic lights in our Breakdown Land Rover - now remember there's not much Fred didn't know about trucks - a lorry driver shouted over 'do you know anything about trucks?' Fred replied 'a bit, what's your trouble?' He had run out of diesel and wanted it bleeding having put more in but it wouldn't go because it had an air-lock in the fuel system. Even I could have bled it, never mind guru Fred. We got him going in minutes and got some 'beer money' which we used for non-alcoholic refreshments.

I ought to move on from Fred, now, as there were many other stories because I held him in high esteem. I think it was during this period that I bought my big socket set which I still have. It was about £20, and bearing in mind my weekly wages were around £6 10 shillings, the company bought the tools and deducted money weekly from our wages until they were paid for. Another deduction was the cost of overall cleaning which I remember REALLY resenting - they were essential for all workshop staff so WHY should we pay towards a company overhead!

After Fred and heavy truck experience, they put me with Goodwin Boodagee who came from an island off Africa, called Mauritius It just seemed from another planet to a boy from Tottenham. Boogy ( as he was known) was highly skilled on cars, getting all the complicated jobs including automatic transmissions ( gearboxes ) which we dismantled and had to wait a couple of weeks for parts to come from DETROIT, Michigan, USA! Remembering how to put this 3D jigsaw back together again was quite a feat, the owners patiently awaiting our efforts.

About the time I worked with Boogy, the overhead camshaft Vauxhall “slant 4” engine was introduced which was very advanced for its time but suffered from oil leaks which involved engine dismantling to put right. I appeared to be quite good at this job which required patience and attention to detail so Boogy left me to work on my own whilst he carried out other jobs which earned him bonus.

Ah! Bonus. This is how it worked and probably accounts for why we got a bad name as motor mechanics. ( I much prefer the word 'technician' which is used in the 21st century, I usually refer to myself as a 'motor engineer' ). Each 'job' carried a manufacturer's ' standard time' , say an hour to complete the job. If a mechanic amassed, say, 60 hours worth of tasks in a 40 hour week, then he was paid an extra 20 hours at the bonus rate. I never earned much bonus, partly because I wasn't very fast and partly because I would rather do the more interesting jobs that took longer than standard time. The best bonus jobs were routine servicing partly because you did them so regularly and got fast at them and partly because the apprentices could do them leaving mechanics free to do other, more complex jobs knowing that the apprentice was earning the bonus. Unofficially, the apprentices were given cash by the mechanics if they had earned well that week.

It was about this time that Vauxhall Dealers were involved with converting ordinary HB Vivas to Brabham Vivas by adding an extra carburettor, special exhaust system, other customer requirements and stripes across the bonnet and down the front wings sides. I enjoyed carrying these out as they were the sporty side of the job before the two litre Viva GT was released by the factory.

After Boogy I worked for Brian Inns for a short while carrying out general car repairs and servicing. Brian was three or four years older than me and quite a good mechanic as well as keeping me in line with my attitude and thinking both towards the job and socially. One memorable occurrence was the time he let me carry out the engine tune, spark plugs, contact breaker points, air filter and carburettor settings while he overhauled the brakes on a Victor 101.

He told me to let it back onto the floor and take it out into the yard, as I reversed (not slowly) across the 'shop, the brake pedal went straight to the floor and BOINNNNGG! I hit an iron support holding up the mezzanine floor. After replacing brake pads, the first press of the pedal brings them against the brake disc and the next press they start working - a lesson for my lifetime in cars. I can't remember if I was in trouble or whether Brian was because he ought to have pumped the brake pedal before letting the car onto the floor, I probably ought to have checked anyway.

Every now and then during apprenticeships we boys were used in the Cost Office where the charges for each job were worked out and the mechanics’ bonus calculated. I think this was when other staff were on holiday or times of staff vacancies. I was also drafted into Service Reception occasionally, which was my first experience of dealing with customers and I found that this was something I liked.

After working with Brian I was experienced enough to work 'on my own’ as it was termed, and I had passed out as an apprentice with the Managing Director noting on my “papers” …..an excellent student... deserves every success in his future career…... After a few months my friend Alan Potifer had left the company to move to Kent where housing was cheaper as he'd got married.

Alan had been one of three Service Receptionists and, as I'd had experience working in Reception, I approached the Service Manager and asked if I could have Alan's job - and I got it! One of the other service receptionists was called “Bill Bodger” - yes, really! Would you leave your car with Bill Bodger for service and repair?

The vehicles I had regularly worked on were Viva HA & HB Models, Victors ( FB & FC )
Cresta PA to PC ( including Viscount ) Bedford trucks, mainly TK, lots of Bedford CA vans and Scammell three wheel mini-tractor units which had to be split in half to replace clutches. Also I had to dismantle crashed cars prior to the paintshop doing their bit and then “fitting up” with grilles, bumpers and pieces of trim after painting.

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Trying to remember that song title ... what have YOU forgotten about during Covid?

18/8/2020

4 Comments

by Paul Sweeney

It’s all Stan Barnes’s fault, this blog. I wouldn’t have started it if not for him. Why? Well, Stan posted this in the “Enthusiasts of British Motor Vehicles" group:
“I'm probably as guilty as many owners in neglecting their boots. 🙄 The felt under the S-Type's parcel tray has been sagging for a while.....finally got around to sorting it today. Having a P6 as well, I can certainly appreciate what a decent boot size looks like. 🤣 So c'mon......don't be shy.....let's see your boots!”

I thought that was a pretty good post – something a little bit different – then carried on about my day. It was only later after a mug of coffee that I thought, “Have I got a photo inside Queenie’s boot? Don’t think so”. Then a little later still (after another mug of coffee) I thought, “She’s parked downstairs – it would be no trouble to nip down and take a photo in the boot”. So I did, and here it is.

Queenie's boot

If you’re not familiar with my relationship with Queenie, what began so well some five years ago when I bought Queenie in 2015 – it was love at first drive – had gradually faded away. The affection I once felt had slowly been eroded by a series of incidents – a combination of bad luck and “stuff that happens to old cars” until I saw the old car as no more than a business tool. If I'm really honest it had become a love/hate thing and I felt I had been foolish to buy an old car in the first place, given that I don't even like wielding a spanner.

Early in 2020 I began seriously thinking about putting her up for sale. However that wouldn’t go well while there were problems with the pre-select gear change, and so I waited until that had been fixed (huge kudos to my mate Clynt). After a great deal of asking around, researching, many hours spent with Queenie in bits and more than one false dawn she was finally working well again and was ready to resume work as a vintage car tour vehicle in Napier. I could hardly just sell her right away after all that time, blood, sweat and tears could I? So I decided to run her on the tours for a while longer and see how things went.

But then Covid-19 struck in early/mid March this year and all the international visitors upon whom my business depends had gone home, so Queenie has been sitting quietly in my garage with nothing to do ever since.

Back to Stan’s post – I took the boot photo and posted it in his thread. It happened to be a sunny day and I didn’t have much else to do, so I thought “I should start Queenie up – it’s been a while” and sat in the drivers' seat, struck as always by the almost overpowering smells of leather, wood and engines. The starter turned very slowly as the battery was low on charge, but after a few pulls she fired into life. Having got her started, I thought, “Shouldn’t just shut the engine down – she needs a run to recharge the battery a bit” – and so I took her out, intending to return within 10 minutes or so.

After a few minutes reacquainting myself with the car's little peculiarities (I’d not driven her for at least 6 months, maybe more) I began to relax and even enjoy myself. In fact I REALLY enjoyed myself cruising around in the old girl. Older gents stopped to peer at her as we passed, no doubt wondering what model she is – Daimlers are definitely not the most common British classic on the roads here.

Some smiled and waved …. and bit by bit, I felt the old pleasure returning as she cruised serenely around bends, cushioning bumps in the road surprisingly well and generally keeping up with modern traffic. I stopped at the local supermarket and took a couple of photos (below) - how incongruous she looks between the moderns. Queenie is genuinely a car from another era years before supermarkets were a thing, let alone Covid-19.

On leaving the supermarket I found myself taking the scenic route home to enjoy the drive, even pausing to take a photo (below) of Queenie's dash as I thought it looked good in the sunshine. I finally parked Queenie back in the garage at home and was surprised to find we had been out for almost 2 hours. "Mustn't leave it so long next time" I thought.

And so I come back to the song I mentioned in the title … it's come to me now. You can play it by clicking below.

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A tale of two lucky VDP's - part 13

14/7/2020

1 Comment

by Andy Perman

We find ourselves in part 13 of these blogs and it’s now early 2017. The VDP had been safely stowed away for the winter, but its slumber was about to be cut short; the Enthusiasts of British Motor Vehicles group were planning a day trip in February to see the Vulcan Bomber at Wellesbourne Airport. This was to include a full tour and then a line-up of our cars for a photo in front of the bomber. There was no way I was missing that! So on a cold, squally Saturday (it was winter after all) I headed north to Warwickshire. I was first to arrive but within half an hour several classics and other members started to rock up.

The day has been well covered in another blog by our own Fat Controller Gar in his blog, so I won’t go into details here but the Vulcan was simply awesome and the staff showing us round really took their time and knew their stuff. Several had actually worked with the bombers during the Falklands conflict and their stories were really engaging. We then all arranged our cars in front of the grand old lady for an excellent photo shoot. A brilliant day, I was rather enjoying this new group!

April through to July I attended quite a few shows, including my last trip to Pride of Longbridge where I picked up 1st Prize at the Allegro National, rather humbling. The VDP was running and driving like clockwork having sorted out all the niggles over the past few years and although great for me to enjoy, as blogs go, vanilla!

In August I attended another event organised by the Enthusiasts of British Motor Vehicles. This one was a steam rally (one of my favourites) and it was at South Cerney Airfield so just a short hour and a half drive for me. The show was on for three days but I could only make the Sunday. The rally was brilliant, a great mix of steam, cars and old ‘stuff’ and was right up my street so I put it in my diary to attend the following year! It has also been covered excellently by Mike Peake AKA ‘Fat bloke’ in his "Fat Bloke & Poppy" chronicles, and a full account of the whole weekend is to be found here along with the relevant photo gallery.

The following weekend was MOT time. Just a couple of advisories came up; one of the CV gaiters was approaching the end of it’s life and one of the ball pin joints had a bit of play in it. Nothing serious. Middle of September on a fine day I jacked up the front of the car, removed the drive shaft and changed the gaiter. The MOT chap was right - it was rather tender in places! I decided to change all four ball pin joints rather than just the one with play in it. All done in a day and just in time as the end of the month was the close of season Milton Keynes show which was excellent.

Show over and back home I stowed the car for what should have been the winter……… however……

The Enthusiasts of British Motor Vehicles group had organised a whole weekend tour of Snowdonia national park in October, with two full days of driving. I really fancied some of that, so booked a local B&B and packed the car. I met Mike Peake and Poppy at Frankley Services where we could refuel the cars and ourselves then in a convoy of two we headed West into North Wales. The first part was busy with traffic and dual carriageway dullness but half an hour later after a left turn we were transported back to 1969 halfway up a mountainside in Italy on the film set of the Italian job for a most exhilarating drive! Cue the music.

Again the weekend has been fully covered in the ‘Fat bloke and Poppy’ chronicles - click here to read it but I’ll just add a couple of things. The ‘Gar weather’ feature of our tours had undergone a full software upgrade since Coventry and ran a full power sequence Friday evening through to Sunday morning! Funniest moment was Gar hearing the Coleman shelter giving up and collapsing in the storm during the early hours of Saturday morning and just casually unplugging the extension lead before rolling over and going back to sleep! And just the sound of Nick’s Jensen growling around the dry stone walling scaring all the sheep! My first tour with the group, I was hooked and vowed to attend plenty more.

Monday morning, tour over and with another of Wales finest breakfasts inside me I headed back along the Italian Job road and then East to Telford for an appointment with Ian Kennedy to get my Hydrogas displacers re-gassed. This is a complicated and highly specialist job, way beyond my skills.

The suspension system on the VDP is of the Hydrogas type and consists of four displacer units above each wheel then interconnected front to back. There are essentially two parts to this; a gas part - in this case nitrogen - and a fluid part, essentially a type of antifreeze. The gas part provides the springing and is kept separate from the fluid by a rolling diaphragm. The fluid carries the weight of the car and is used to trim the height of the suspension and provide the front to back interconnection.

There is a semi non-return valve on the rebound side of the fluid and this provides the damping factor. Extremely simple but awesome to drive. Problem is the units were sealed for life, at the time this was set at 15 years at which point they would have been replaced with a new unit. Roll on 45 years there are no new units and the existing ones are all low on gas which results in a harsh choppy ride so Ian has devised a method of drilling and welding in a high pressure injection point on each displacer then re-charging the nitrogen. This also requires the fluid to be evacuated and the displacers disconnected from the car first.

It was humbling to watch a true engineer at work - a highly skilled job all carried out in less than a day. On the test drive afterwards Ian directed me into a road that had speed bumps and said in no uncertain terms ’40 miles an hour’! Well previous to the work that would have been suicidal and the car would have crashed over them probably going into orbit in the process. True to say you couldn’t feel or hear the bumps even at that speed, it felt like a magic carpet! Back at the workshop Ian connected his Sun analyser to the engine and made a few adjustments to the fuel settings which made it run even smoother. Top bloke.

Job all done I made the long journey back home but it was a pleasure, the car glided along soaking up every bump. Anyone who has not experienced a well set up Hydrogas system needs to get a ride in one, it really is something else.

That should have been it for the year but a week before Christmas I got a call from my local garage, it was James the owner. He said ‘remember the blue VDP you saw in here last year?’ Oh yes I said. ‘Just had the owner on the phone, he’s had an accident and rear end crashed it, he’s bringing it in later today for me to remove all the displacers so he can sell them then he’s getting the car scrapped’. Then came the hook, he said ‘I don’t want to kill it and I’m sure you don’t want to either, Just call in around 6 tonight and see if there is anything we can do’. On the spot or what!

Rear end crashed? What could that mean? Could mean it’s a write-off of course but I wanted to be the judge of that so I grabbed a tape measure and took loads of careful measurements around the rear of my car, paying particular attention to the boot opening, rear glass, arches, and some! Allegros have no chassis or sub-frames so any distortion in the body is game over (the windows fall out don’t you know).

Armed with the figures and cash in my pocket I headed for the garage a little earlier than 6. It paid off because the car was parked up and nobody was about. The damage was fairly significant, but on closer inspection not horrendous. However when I compared the actual measurements with the ones I’d written down you could have knocked me down with a feather. Millimetre perfect. So it was game on.

I marched inside.

To be continued...

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A tale of two lucky VDP's - part 12

13/6/2020

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by Andy Perman

After the very "Gar" wet weather run up to Coventry where I’d inadvertently blown water into all the electrickery by leaving the cooling fan override switch on, I thought it would be a really good idea to fix the dash warning light cluster so I didn’t repeat the mistake again. Only the low fuel light in the cluster worked, although hugely inaccurate so I assumed there was something sinister lurking in the console electrics. Obviously there was no rush as it was now winter, Christmas was coming and I wouldn’t need the VDP until the Austin show at Brooklands in March., which meant I could pick a mild day to investigate as I am a southerner and not used to ‘bracing’ weather.

What that meant was my arm chair was way more comfortable than the workshop and there was obviously no suitable day as it was winter. Brooklands was almost upon me when I thought I’d better hurry up and take a look.

Armed with screwdrivers and a multi-meter I set about dismantling the centre console and removing it from the car. With it on the bench I rolled my sleeves up and got my probes ready to get stuck in proper as I rather enjoy diagnosing electrical problems. Imagine my massive disappointment when I found in the first five minutes that it was just three blown bulbs! With them replaced it also gave me a chance to adjust the low fuel warning mechanism as it was coming on quite early so I usually just ignored it.

All in all it took longer removing and replacing the console than it had to fix it. Never mind, with the engine running I now had all the lights doing what BL intended them to do - problem solved!

I attended several shows over the next four months; Brooklands (which was excellent), the Allegro club show in May and my favourite local show, the SHVPS and I was pleased to see even more rust than in previous years in the auto jumble. I picked up a couple of AVO 8 multi-meters for very little cash here, and they both worked too! Then in July there was the second meeting for the Enthusiasts of British Motor Vehicles, which was to be held at Gaydon. Again BL Dan was going, so knowing his love for all things Allegro I asked one of my fellow Allegro buddies Jon Bennett to join me. He agreed and said he’d bring his white estate that had spent the majority of its life in Sri Lanka and had quite a tale to it.

The show was excellent; I recognised a few faces from Coventry the year before and of course there was a pile of cake so high there was snow on the peak. The Stig even joined us for an hour taking a look round but not saying much! Asked him to stand by my VDP which he did for a camera roll, still use it as wallpaper to this day! BL Dan voted Jon’s estate his star of the show and had a sit in the rear of it as a treat. There was also a photographer taking lots of action shots of all the cars and I was really pleased with how the VDP looked poised on the road, a view I don’t get to see from the driving seat.

More shows followed throughout the summer, including my last visit (didn’t know this at the time) to the VDP show where I actually picked up an award! Then in August it was MOT time so I rocked up as usual 8am on a Saturday morning to be greeted by a bright yellow MG Midget and…… drum roll…… a metallic blue VDP! Upon quizzing James the garage owner he explained it was owned locally but not used a lot and it was in for a few running repairs.

I took a few pictures, noting it was a MK2 and had a gorgeous black vinyl roof. Then my attention was interrupted by James who was halfway through the MOT by now saying there was a bit of play in the steering arm, not severe enough to fail but wanted investigating before it got worse. I mentioned the shimmying hub problem and he agreed it had most likely caused something to wear out within the rack as the steering arm was attached directly to it and I’d felt it coming through the steering wheel.

The following weekend I went to see my friend Jon Bennett in London who owns a massive nine Allegros! He had recently acquired a 1500 special HL but was having trouble getting it started. As the engine is exactly the same as the VDP we could copy the settings from mine (which runs like a metronome) onto the Special. This we did, but it still refused to start. Few more checks of all the obvious drew a blank so we had a break for some strong coffee and a think. Bingo, the one thing we hadn’t checked, compression! Well the best reading we got was 60psi, the worst 40psi. No wonder it wouldn’t start! With a good squirt of oil in each bore and two batteries connected we pulled in the starter and it fired up. We even managed to keep it going for about 20 seconds until it died.

With the engine needing an overhaul that put an end to things, so we decided to remove the sump and check the gearbox. We were greeted with long spirals of swarf in the strainer so it looked like the auto box was toast too. At this point we gave up and went for a spin in his Ford Model T, like you do.

September rolled around again and I was booked into the Milton Keynes show at the end of the month. I wanted to take a look at the steering rack play before the show, so the weekend before I removed the rack from the car & got it on the bench. Whilst I was visiting Jon the previous month he’d said there was a nylon bush inside the rack that after forty-odd years becomes brittle and breaks up, causing the play and knocking I was experiencing. Fortunately another Allegro member had some bronze bushes re-manufactured to replace the nylon part and I’d bought a few from him. I’d never worked on a steering rack before, but it was surprisingly easy to dismantle and remove the failed bush. The new part fitted like a glove and it was soon all back together and back on the car with no play. Getting the tracking checked the chap said ‘you got that within 1mm, well done!

The Milton Keynes show was excellent. My VDP picked up another award in its class! I was fast running out of space on the parcel shelf for them all. Again the car drove superbly, the steering was sharp and focused, however I’d had a really interesting conversation with Ian Kennedy about the Hydrogas suspension units and the need to get the nitrogen replaced in them. The symptoms of low gas I was now noticing - choppy at the front and a bit tip-toe over rough surfaces. I decided to get the units re-charged next year when I was a bit closer to Telford where he is based.

The final show of the year was an MG show that I’d not been to before but had been invited to. It was a short drive along the coast to the town of Lancing and it was right on the sea front with great views over the Solent. More than can be said for the views of the cars - it seemed pretty much everyone who could drive had turned up, I was parked next to a Vauxhall Corsa with bigger speakers than its wheels in a line of similar dull moderns. Needless to say I spent the majority of the show on the sea front and have never been back!

So another year had passed, I’d fixed a few niggles on the car but mostly just enjoyed driving and showing it off. The most poignant moment had passed, at least to me, almost unnoticed in the MOT test garage where I’d looked at and photographed the VDP that would come my way in somewhat unusual circumstances the next year, and bring with it a whole bunch of problems, top of them all would be another difficult conversation with the wife……

To be continued.

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The herd mentality

9/6/2020

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by Gar Cole

I hope those of you who are our members enjoy the group and like that we are 'enthusiasts' of all British vehicles. The Admin team along with loyal members have long tried to combat deeply entrenched opinions about certain cars or marques that aren't based on experience but word of mouth. In this regard I believe we have had some success, myself included in that group that's been educated about some vehicles, which brings me to the autumn of 1986....

Back then I was a gobby car mad 8 year-old; everything I knew about cars came from Dad, uncles or guys down the local Working Men's Club, where I was allowed in if I kept quiet while the Rugby was on 😀. In those days school yard jokes were about Skoda, Lada and Reliant, despite none of our families or friends owning any of these cars it was drummed into us they were no good and to be avoided.

Walking along the canal bridge one rainy day a Reliant of 70s vintage buzzed past me with that distinctive note they have. 'Alright plastic pig' I cheekily waved at the driver. Immediately he screeched to a halt, did a quick turn around and stopped next to me. I had that dread feeling you get as a kid when you know your in for a rollicking.

Living in Birmingham, I was surprised when the window wound down and a booming Scottish voice called me a 'cheeky wee @@@@@' , but said while laughing at the same time, 'Don't you like these cars son?' Well my Dad says they are horrible'. 'And has your father ever driven one?' Nope, he's got a 3.0 Granada Ghia, I bragged like the precocious spoiled brat I was.

'Hmmm well thats very nice for him, your father is obviously doing well for himself, but we can't all afford posh cars, or even want them for that matter. This car suits me fine, it's very economical, the insurance premium is low and I can take the wife and wee one with luggage to the coast which I couldn't do with my motorbike. And did you know you can drive these aged 16?' This pricked my curiosity. 'Just think' he said, 'would you rather be soaked on your push bike at 16 or warm and dry with the radio like I am now?' I took his point as the rain was pouring off my head by now but I didn't dare walk off.

Trying to have the last word I played my Top Trump. 'Ahh but these have only 3 wheels, they tip over easily so my Dads mate said. 'Ohhh is that right is it? Tell me boy, how many normal 4 wheeled cars have you seen crashed and rolled over?' (a common sight in 80s B'ham). 'Errmm, well loads I guess'. 'And how many 3 wheelers have you seen upside down?' My eyes looked at the ground as I sensed my Top Trump was failing. 'I've never seen one rolled over'.

A big meaty hand came out the window and patted me on the shoulder 'You see son, it's never the cars fault, just the big Numpty behind the wheel! Now away home with you before you catch your death' and off he buzzed in a puff of blue oil smoke leaving me feeling thoroughly chastised. That day always sticks with me.

Fast forward 8 years to 1993 aged 16 visiting family in Wales.

My Uncle Roderick was a nutter for small British cars. He had a Morris Minor convertible, a proper Mini Cooper S and a Reliant Robin, all 3 of them in British racing green. We were visiting so he could put a new A series engine in my mom's Mini Clubman. I'd not known him long as he came into the family by marriage and I'd not seen his collection before. Naturally I swooned over the Cooper S and admired the Moggy convertible before I opened my gob yet again, 'What you want the Reliant for Uncle Rod? It must be a nightmare on these twisty pot holed valley roads'.

He dropped his oily spanner and walked over wiping his hands on a rag. 'You ever driven one?' 'I haven't passed my test yet, not 17 until next year' I stuttered. 'You can drive these though'. I shrugged my shoulders, he threw the keys at me and said, 'Come on then big man, let's see how you can handle this 'nightmare' '.

Now at this point all I'd ever driven was a 25cc moped on some fields behind the house. Unbeknown to me with Roderick being a mechanic he had that 850cc running well, mildly tuned with a bigger SU carb and a fruity exhaust, some stiffer rear shocks and a pair of fat minilights. I asked why he hadn't put 3 alloys on it and he said 'Who's going to see the front one underneath the car? Waste of money you wally brain!'. I nervously pulled out onto the quiet village road and accelerated away. Having never driven on the road before it felt quick despite never passing 30mph' it felt more like 60. I'd just started to get into it on the twisty roads between Pontlottyn and Bargoed when Police sirens wailed from behind. I stopped and freaked out, omg what's Mom gonna say, etc etc.

The policeman leaned in looking first at me, then my uncle. 'Alright Rod, ows it going? 'All good cheers Dai, just letting my nephew have a go, he don't like Reliants apparently'. Before I could say anything Dai the copper said 'I thought it had been stolen, I saw this spotty kid with the silly spiky hair doing 27mph and knew something was up - you never drop below 55mph between villages!' then he laughed and went back to his car.

At this point I'd sweated through the back of my T-shirt and told Uncle Roderick he could drive back. What followed was a 4 mile white-knuckle ride taking bends at quite high speeds with total control, even though I was convinced we were going over the mountain edge. Uncle Rod confirmed that day what the Scotsman had said 8 years before - it isn't the car, it's the Numpty behind the wheel.

From then on I've had a more respectful admiration of these basic little cars that owners seem to love.

I was prompted to write this as today is my cousin Molly's 13th birthday. Sadly her father Roderick passed away 2 years ago aged just 55. He was in the process of restoring a Reliant at the time of his passing; they even had Reliants on the cakes at the wake. His daughter Molly wants the car for her prom when she's 16 - the car is a 76 P reg Robin similar to the one in the photo. The engine and box are removed as is the steering, but the body and interior are intact apart from a broken rear window caused by local yobs. The family are trying to decide if we're going to try and find a company that's willing to reassemble the car and MOT it in time for May 2023; failing that we will have to hire one.

So am I a Reliant convert? Yes I think so; I appreciate them for what they are and what they were built for. My personal favourite is the Regal saloon with the Anglia-style fins and rear windows. If any of you owns one, please bring it to one of our driving tours or shows 😀

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The things people say about our classic cars

2/6/2020

1 Comment

by Paul Sweeney

I recently asked our group members, "What is the most ridiculous comment you have ever heard from a member of the public about your classic?". The response was fantastic - here is a selection of the more amusing responses. My thanks to all the contributors.

A Muggle said, "Oh look, it's a horsebox!" - sent in by Dale Scutter

I had a mechanic who when looking at my Volvo 480 tried to tell me it was the same as the Civic Aerodeck
Steve Hancock

Nice car , shame it’s an MG tho
Nala Reklaw

It will be nice this time next year when it’s finished
David Bevan

“I like your Vitesse.” “Thank you but it’s a Herald 13/60.” “No it’s definitely a Vitesse. You can tell by the bonnet.”
Mike Peake

Guy looked at the front of my car which has a large union flag with Standard Coventry on the radiator and says to me ‘nice Austin 7’.
Colin Clatworthy

Nice car mate, is it a Ferrari?
Paul Steel

Can we tie our marquee to your Scimitar?
Zachary Marshall

A guy looked at the engine of my V4 Corsair from the side and commented on it being 2 cylinder.
Richard Norton

Mate of mine who was in his 30s was asked if he owned his 1959 MK2 Consul from new
Kevin Zms

If you have a Herald, they had a Vitesse, if you have a Capri, they had the 3 litre special, something else, they had the Ghia and on and on it goes until they get in their little shopping car and go home.
Andy Campbell

A herald - they don’t go round corners though.
Andy Brooker

Why d'you bother driving that old banger?
Ross Adams

Blokes at work... when you going to get a new car ?
My answer- when I’ve worn this one out ! (Triumph 2.5PI .. 31 years and counting)
David Harvey

Is that going to be a classic car when it's finshed?
Leon Guyot

I have two Allegro Vanden Plas, so there is a list, but the most common are;
An All-Aggro
The wheels fall off
If you jack it up the windows fall out
Where's the square steering wheel?

What amazes me is they think its the first time I've heard it and they are being hugely funny.
Andy Perman

Some people ask, "Why do you drive a Beetle when you got a modern car?" I reply, “Why do people ride horses when they have cars?”.
Their faces drop when two girl dancers get out and I am 70 in January!
John Newbury

Best reaction I had when driving my Magnette through town, an elderly well-dressed gent walking with his wife, stopped and stared, then applauded and said 'bravo' as I drove slowly past.
Steve Favell

You only keep it cos its tax exempt
David Sambrook

It’s got the wrong hub caps
Bill Catherall

I've been asked if my Austin Maxi is American, is it Russian, is it a Lada? The mind boggles.
Kev Sharp

Employee of Ferry company ”Do know your car is dripping oil”... me “when you’re nearly 60 you’ll leak a bit mate”
Graeme Whiting

Driving my Alfa GTV6 into a seaside car park in Cornwall and the attendant saying “you’re the first Ferrari we’ve had in here”
Howard Godolphin

At a car show I was asked if my 1968 E type had been remapped.
Peter Talbot

How could you do that to a Rover p5?
What a waste of a rover p5.
My eyes, my eyes, this can never be unseen, someone needs to be hung drawn and quartered for doing this to a beautiful rover.
Sacrilege.
That's shocking.
That's awful.
I love it.
I hate it.
Kill me now.
Yada yada yada.
Tony Tosh Brooks

About 20 years ago a committee member of the local vintage car Club said my Hillman Californian would never be a classic. Mmmmmmm.yup!
Ernie Greenwell

Is it a Cortina?
I was in my Triumph Stag with the top down...
David Reason

Driving home from a New Years Eve party with the roof down on my Herald somebody shouted out "Aren't you freezing driving that?" My retort "No just cool"
Paul Girling

I'd drop a 2.0 litre engine in that , do the arches and put some wider wheels on.
John Lonergan

That’s a girl’s car
Korey Craft

They called it a piece of junk.
So I informed them that if I wanted their opinion, I'd beat it out of them.
David Harmon

Someone at a show coming up to me and saying “Nice Zephyr mate”.
I politely explained it was a 1959 Cadillac.
Pete Curran

It doesn't look very rusty
James Butler

Driving home one evening in my black ‘54 Morris Minor, pulled up at some traffic lights and the car I’d noticed had been behind me for the last mile or so pulled up on my right, wound down his passenger window and asked me (in all seriousness); “What make is that car mate, is it an Aston Martin?”
Lee Hallam

How do you drive it without air bags and ABS?
Bruce Jones

My mate was at a petrol station and some youth said look wooden alloys!
Steven Chisnall

Man looks at my 1966 Land Rover and told me it was fantastic to see an ex-WW2 army vehicle being used properly.
(N.B. 1st Land Rover designed 1948...)
Joe Farrow

Had one chap come up to me saying 'I had one of those , it was a Ghia though ' ... 'This is a Vauxhall mate '
'I know , just saying mine was a Ghia ' ...
Zebidee Habib

Can I have a smell...?
Matt Harris

It didnt come out of Dagenham with a CD player in
Ian Woodward

A woman riding in the back of Queenie my 1954 Daimler told her horrified (now adult) daughter sitting beside her, "You were conceived in a car just like this"
Paul Sweeney

Very first outing in my Ford Corsair, it had no badges on as it wasn't quite finished. Someone asked what it was, so I told them, and they replied "Ah a Corsa, didn't know Vauxhall made them that far back!!" and yes they were serious.
Ken Bridges

I had an AA man warn me that my power steering and brakes won’t work with the engine off when pushing my Herald onto my drive.
Mike Peake

"Lovely car, is this the one with the 2.7 V6?" - standing next to my Rover P6B ("3500" badges on both front wings and bootlid, "V8" badge on grille and bootlid)
David Beadle

So its a TR7 - asked someone about my TVR 400SE
Ian Shippen

I went to look at an A40 Farina which was rotten
The seller said " You won't find a better one!"
My reply " You better look at mine parked around the corner '
James McLernon

My elderly father saw my Morris minor for the first time and said " it's so modern looking"
Rob Earwicker

My Cortina Savage estate was on stand at the NEC...Chap comes over and tells me that Raceprooved only ever built one estate Savage....I replied that the other one I had at home must be a replica....
Jack Major

Some youths as I was driving up a residential street in Plymouth- "Your car's old as f*** mate!". Didn't really have much of a comeback to that...
Matt Fowles

Rear windows on those pop out when you jack it up
They were banned from the Blackwall Tunnel
Rear wheels fall off on those
Has it got a square steering wheel?
George Beresford

I own a taxi, always roll my eyes when I'm asked if it's fake.
Roy Coker

You should keep that in a garage, you’ll wear it out if you use it.
Mitch Crancher

"Did you buy it new?“ to the twenty year old me driving a thirty year old Herald.
Andrew Spittlehouse

My sister once asked me if everything was ok? Was I struggling?
When I asked her why the concern? She said it was because I always seem to be driving the oldest car in the car park.
Nick Arthur

CEO of a well-known construction company crashed into my Morris Traveller while he was queue-jumping in his Audi (of course) last year; during the rather heated exchanges afterwards he claimed it was my fault for 'driving a stupid small car' and he was 'glad he crashed into it'!
Toby Bruce

I went to the local shops in my classic Jag and parked next to the little coffee shop. There was a cosy group of 50-something ladies supping their lattés. One leaned over the railing and said 'I suppose you think this is your chick magnet'. I was surprised as I am of similar classic car age and said that if it is, then it's not working, but maybe it's finally starting with you today. I didn't continue the dialogue. I have standards
Peter Lloyd

When I broke down in my Vitesse, a woman passer by said she didn’t know a bra company made cars
Edward McNab

A guy told me the correct vinyl roof and steering wheel on my MK4 Cortina were wrong and totally missed the MK5 seats and Capri wheels!
Richard Norton

An "enthusiast" at a show here in Australia that insisted my MG RV8 was an MGC, completely ignoring the difference between a straight 6 and a V8 ! and then argued with me
Steve Hodgson

I've got a 1955 Norton Model 19R.
At one of the rally's I went to, a man came up to me and said: "Young man, I once owned a BMW like yours, when I was your age!"
Lewis Williams

Is that a Jensen Interpreter?
Mark Rivron

Telling me my Maxi should be lowered!
Peter Thomson

All of us Singer owners are continually asked 'what's the connection with the sewing machines then?'
John Hadfield

"Why are you getting so irate, it's only an old car" by an er "elderly person" who'd just reversed into the front of my just rebuilt Spitfire 1500 outside my office.....
Simon Stock

“Did they really make them to look like that from new?” Ford Squire.
Allan Broadbridge

"What is it mate?" - "A Morgan" - "No, I would recognise a Morgan, seriously, what kit is it?" "No, really, it's a 1954 Morgan." "No, listen Mate. Morgans never made 4 seaters and are not that old" "What do you think it is then?" "Dunno, some kind of kit, that's why I asked YOU!"
Guy Loveridge

While studying the badge on the grill. "What car is it?" 'A Morris 1800.' "Is it like a Morris Minor?" 'No! More like an 1800!' "What engine's in it?" '1800' "So what is it?" 'It's a Morris 1800.' "So what kind of car is it?" 'A family saloon car.' "Is it a Morris Minor?" 'No! It's an 1800!' Walks away clearly dissatisfied.
Jacob Theunissen

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Mildred in a lockup - in a Lockdown

1/6/2020

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by Mark Smith

Great Aunt Mildred gets some Lockdown Pampering....Eventually!

Not sure when you will get to read this but at the time of writing it’s the last few days of May 2020, some three months into the Coronavirus Lockdown. I hope you and your families have come through this unprecedented world pandemic safe and well.

I made a mistake when the Lockdown was announced. I should have gone round to Mildred’s lock-up and liberated her but I didn’t. I left it too late to move her and so there she had to remain. Oh, some would say I should have just gone and got her anyway. After all, the lock-up is only in the next road, which is about half a mile away. From our upstairs box-room at the front of the house I can look over the gardens of the houses opposite and across the track of the Great Central Railway and see the roof of Mildred’s garage, she is that close!

I could have taken a chance and gone and got her but perhaps unlike some more modern classic cars, Mildred is a bit more conspicuous. Her design being more akin to pre-war cars than those of the early 1950’s when she was built could make a Mayflower a bit more noticeable and the last thing I wanted to do was to draw attention to myself and have someone complain that I should not be driving the car when we’ve all been told to stay at home. It would be just my luck to find there’s a Policeman stood on the corner as I drove Mildred round to home! Maybe many would say I was being a bit paranoid but as I see it, rules are rules so before doing anything I contacted Leicestershire Police and explained my plight and what I wanted to do and asked if it would be OK for me to go and collect the car, drive it straight to my house where it would be kept off the road and behind locked gates so I could carry out a few little maintenance jobs while we were all confined to home. The reply was courteous but adamant, it would be ‘an unnecessary journey’ and was therefore forbidden under the Lockdown rules in place at that time.

Time drifted by and eventually the government eased the Lockdown rules enough that I thought gave me wiggle room to legitimately move Mildred round to home so, after spending a Friday afternoon jet washing all the winter cobwebs from under the carport (which led to jet washing the whole of the drive way as it does) I eventually brought Mildred home on Saturday 16th May and work could begin. I had three particular jobs I wanted to do; one necessary and two that were mainly cosmetic.

The first of the cosmetic jobs was to sort out the rear number plate. As I am writing this piece for publication within a number of different club magazines as well as internet platforms, I had better explain to the uninitiated that the boot lid of the Mayflower was designed so that it could be lowered and used as an extra luggage platform, perhaps to strap a wicker picnic basket to. This was very much a pre-war idea and as the number plate has to be legally visible at all times, the Mayflower’s number plate was hinged so that it would hang vertically with the boot lid open. This was a problem on Mildred. An owner in the distant past had fitted an extra high visibility brake light above the number plate, obviously as a result of finding that even the traffic in the 1970’s was moving at a faster pace than Mildred was designed to do. Plus, the original small round brake lights fitted to the lower outer edges of the Mayflower’s rear wings just could not be seen clearly enough.

The additional brake light was a brilliant idea back then but as even the smallest of modern cars is now able to out-accelerate the boy racers of forty years ago, I am more than grateful for it! However, it was fitted to the boot lid immediately above the number plate mounting bracket so when the lid was lowered, the number plate light which moves with the plate, jammed on the auxiliary brake light, preventing the number plate from hanging vertically. OK, this was probably never going to be a problem to me. The chances of driving the car with the boot lid open is probably not going to be very high but I suppose I must be a little bit OCD as I like things to work as the designer intended.

The auxiliary brake light only needed to be raised up the boot lid by around a quarter of an inch but these jobs are never as simple as they first appear, are they? Of course not! Yes, I could have just moved the light, but the number plate mount was rusty. Can’t have that! As my parents would have said, ‘If a job is worth doing, it’s worth doing properly’ so off came the number plate assembly! The number plate was removed from its back plate first and then, after the wires were removed, the light was also unbolted and then the whole assembly was unbolted from the boot lid. The various parts were cleaned with wire brushes etc before rust killer was applied and then given a coat of black spray paint.

While the number plate assembly was drying, the auxiliary brake light was removed. As I said earlier, it only needed to be raised by a quarter of an inch but I had been concerned that the original fixing holes would be left visible which would be unsightly and had wondered how I was going to fill them. As luck would have it the problem was sorted for me as the mounting plate of the light was so deep that it covered the old holes once mounted in its new position. The plate fits nice and tight so should not have allow water ingress that would cause the holes to rust but as an extra precaution, I cut a gasket out of a small sheet of 1.5mm thick rubber gasket material I had ordered off eBay to complete another of the little jobs I had lined up - details on that to follow. Once dry, the number plate mount along with the number plate and light were refitted and now the assembly hangs vertical when the boot lid is open, just as it should do. Of course the auxiliary brake light can’t now be seen if the car is driven with the boot lid open but that is a whole new kettle of fish and anyway, the car is unlikely to be driven with the lid open.

Job number two was not cosmetic it was absolutely crucial! On a family Lockdown walk, we ‘happened’ to walk past Mildred’s garage and so stopped by to say hello and check she was OK which of course involved starting the car’s engine. Mildred was driven out of the lock-up just far enough to be able to raise her bonnet and do a visible check and that’s when the problem came to light; the gasket between the float chamber lid and carburetor was leaking! This was not good as the exhaust manifold is directly below the inlet manifold. This could have caused a nasty fire if not sorted so the float chamber lid was removed and the fragile gasket carefully lifted away. Luckily, I had the remains of a sheet of gasket material left over from a job I did on my 1978 Lada some years ago and that was plenty big enough to cut out a new float chamber seal. After placing the remains of the gasket on top of the gasket sheet and drawing around it, I cut it out with a crafting scalpel and fitted it in place, another job done.

Job number three was another of those ‘unnecessary but it should work’ types. The bonnet catch was made to be lockable but none of Mildred’s keys worked it. Now this could have been a problem with the lock barrel or it may be that the key had been lost in the distant past. Either way, the only way to find out was to remove the bonnet catch assembly from the car and strip it down. The catch assembly was easily removed from the car but then things got more difficult! In order to remove the lock barrel from the catch assembly, the bonnet mounting shroud had to be first separated from the handle shaft but that was easier said than done! The locking action of the bonnet catch requires a crude metal bar to be slid through a hole in the shaft where it lines up with a square hole in the shroud casting that then stops the shaft turning when locked.

My problem was that to remove the shroud, the locking bar needed to be slid through the shaft on the ‘open’ side and into a special groove that runs the height of the shroud, allowing the shaft to be pulled though the shroud once the retaining clip is removed. Unfortunately, the locking bar was positioned so that it was neither far enough across to lock the catch assembly or far enough over in the ‘open’ position that it was located in the groove and in order to move the bar over, a key was required which of course I had not got! This caused a lot of head scratching. After looking at the catch assembly from various angles, through gritted teeth and making another mug of coffee and mentally willing the bar to move, I hit upon the idea of trying to ‘pick’ the lock with a couple of jeweler’s screwdrivers. The theory being that if I carefully mounted the bonnet catch assembly in a vice I could slide one screwdriver down inside the lock to push the spring-loaded brass tangs into the side of the lock barrel, therefore disengaging the lock and after simultaneously sliding another jeweler’s screwdriver in down the side of the first one, it might be possible to get enough force to turn the lock and slide the locking bar into the correct position. It took a few goes but it eventually worked and I was able to slide the shroud off the shaft…..phew!

With the parts separated it was just a case of driving out the pin that held the lock barrel into the shaft with the aid of a small nail and tack hammer and the barrel was out. Now I would be able to see what the problem was and it didn’t take long! All these old lock barrels are stamped with the key number and it was clearly visible on this one and it did not match either of the other two key numbers, one for Mildred’s door and boot lid locks and the other for the ignition switch. On closer inspection I noticed that the only difference between the door lock and the bonnet lock barrel was the very first brass tang. The door key was missing a space for the tang to drop into. As I had a few door keys I cut an additional niche into the top of the key with the Dremel and hey presto, it worked! The lock barrel could now be turned. The bonnet catch assembly was rebuilt and after and a new gasket to replace the one that sits between the shroud and the bonnet was cut from the small sheet of 1.5mm thick rubber mentioned earlier (the original was too far gone), the whole assembly was fitted back onto the bonnet of the car. Once fitted back on, the lock was tested again and worked fine. Two new keys of the correct code were ordered plus a replacement for the butchered door key and the bonnet can now be locked as the manufacturer intended.

However, this is not quite the end of the saga as there is quite a bit of play in the catch handle when in the locked position. I believe this is caused by wear in the small bar that slides through the handle shaft when the key is turned, locking the shaft and stopping the bonnet from opening. The metal plate mounted on the end of the shaft that actually forms the bonnet catch is also quite worn. Both of these parts could do with replacing with better condition ones. It is possible there are some serviceable replacements in the Triumph Mayflower Club’s spares cache but due to the current Lockdown situation searching the stores stock will have to wait for another day!

In addition to the work carried out on the vehicle itself, I have also been filling spare moments with building a ‘period’ tissue box cover for the rear parcel shelf. The intention was to make something that could pass as being an after-market accessory, sold to the discerning Mayflower owner of the 1950’s! The cover is made from 6mm MDF, obviously a material not available in the 50’s. The top and sides are all held together with glued dovetail joints and the removable bottom is held in place by magnetic catches. The whole structure has been covered in a deep red sticky-backed felt dolls house carpet material that blends quite nicely with Mildred’s interior. For anyone that likes doing craftwork and model making, I can thoroughly recommend these sheets of dolls house carpet. They are not expensive and are easy to work with. To finish off the tissue box and connect it with the Mayflower, the Mayflower script was traced from the front of the Owners Handbook, transferred onto the reverse side of some black felt carpet material and then cut out with the modeling scalpel. Two were made and one carefully stuck onto either side of the tissue box cover. In my simple mind the result is just how I would imagine such an accessory to have looked had one been available in those early days of post war marketing.

So that is the updated situation on Mildred. A number of small jobs completed, most of which are cosmetic rather than necessary but all help to take Mildred back nearer to the condition she would have been in at the time she left the Standard Triumph factory, in function at least! All that is needed now is a return to a more normal way of life that allows the classic vehicle shows and meetings that we all enjoy to resume.

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Lockdown Blues. Fatbloke and Poppy Pt 61

30/5/2020

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By Mike Peake

Hello Chaps! Wow, it’s been a while hasn’t it? You thought lockdown couldn’t get any worse didn’t you? But now I’m inflicting a blog on you so I’m really sorry.

It’s been over 6 months since our last little chat and quite a lot has happened. Classic car event after event has been cancelled. Poor Nelson, Gars Minor Triumph, met his Trafalgar in a ball of flame prompting us all to buy the fire extinguishers we’d been meaning to get for years but never quite got around to it (or was that just me?)

I can’t imagine how upset Gar must have been losing his pride and joy like that and we all commiserated fully with him. Of course Saint Brian of Enthusiastshire had to show off in his level of sympathy by giving Gar a spare Triumph 2000 he had lying around. Naturally, this level of generosity means that he is officially exiled from his home county of Yorkshire for bringing its name into disrepute - but what a lovely thing to do. He’s a very, very nice man. The story even made it into Classic Car Weekly.

Of course Gar is cock-a-hoop and has spent lockdown fettling and polishing to his heart’s content and winding Brian up with tales of how he is going to deface Errol’s natural beauty with all sorts of hooligan mods. Brian isn’t fooled by this for a minute though. We all know how much Gar has fallen in love with Errol because he’s even dropped his plans to two-tone the car with a different colour roof and he can’t find a rear window louvre kit for the big saloon.

The Brooks aren’t letting Lockdown affect them in the slightest and have been churning out stunners like you wouldn’t believe. They’ve even developed a bit of a fibreglass fetish.

Of course all are for sale at very reasonable rates if you would like to step into Tosh’s office. Although, there has been rumours that Tosh is actually planning on keeping one of them but no one really believes that.

His next project has also been announced and we’re all really looking forward to seeing the results.

Our very own Ninja assassin Liam is really taking current events seriously; he has locked himself away in his Secret Squirrel Survival Bunker and is living like a king on stockpiled MRE’s and Lucozade whilst monitoring his CCTV ready to set off the claymore mines if anyone approaches.

Nick Arthur is being banished to a caravan in Jo’s garden so he can be closer to his cars. Graham and Sue are panicking about their planned wedding in September and Andy ‘Two Pants’ Perman has discovered the Joys of writing blogs about his VDPs. In fact, go and read them now as they’re far better than this drivel.

Two Pants Perman's Blogs

Me? What have I done? You're still here then? Well I grew a beard. Impressive eh?

Everyone said I looked like Tosh Brooks though so I immediately shaved it off again.

I have been fortunate enough to be working from home full time during the crisis. The new commute has tuned out to be a bit of a problem though as the stairs quickly become gridlocked during rush hour.

Poppy? Well she was fine but very, very bored and lonely in her lock up far from home. (Well, not that far really but it sounded better in a literary sense.)

Winter was really horrible with not a single day with good enough weather to take her for a spin. Then, just as the weather turned glorious, we were put into lockdown and I couldn’t go and get her. Of course if I’d known at the time that we were allowed out to drive as part of an eye test I’d have been out like a shot.

However, lockdown restrictions were eased a bit in early May so I went to get her. She fired up on the 1st turn of the key. I washed off the New Forest dirt, gave her a wax and Emily and I took a grin-laden drive around the green lanes of Wiltshire to get some milk. I did notice that my headlights were no longer working when I pulled her out of the lockup but as it was a bright summers day, I didn’t let this bother me. I then parked her on my drive so I would be able to sort out a few niggles.

Niggles? Surely not? I hear you say! Well yes. 3 to be precise. Well 3 I planned to look at anyway.

My heater hasn’t worked since I’ve had the car. I know that this may seem a bit slovenly to some but it’s only been 19 years and what’s the point of a heater in a car with no roof? Well if I want to go on winter tours with the chaps and want my wife to come with me, it turns out that a working heater IS quite important.

Since I’ve rebuilt my Carb I’ve been having trouble getting the tune right and suffering from a very fast tickover. I think I have now narrowed this down to a sticking throttle cable so this needed changing and while I was at it I’d change all the return springs to fix the floppy peddle.

Finally, I had to find out where all the electrickery for my headlights had gone. So I ordered all the parts I thought I would need.

The following weekend, with a box of shiny new parts to hand I set to work. I thought I’d do the easy job 1st which I deemed to be throttle cable. I removed the cable from the carburettor and immediately, my fast running issue was solved so that’s good. What wasn’t so good was when I went to remove the pedal. Turns out that the bracket was rusted quite badly. I couldn’t even see the old spring or split pin.

It would have to come out. It’s only two bolts though so will be easy. 3 hours, 1 broken ratchet, a broken hacksaw blade and a shattered grinding wheel later, the pedal bracket was off. The cable and pedal were also now separated and a new shopping list started.

£10 on eBay if anyone wants it?

As I could proceed no further with my pedal assembly, I turned my attention to the heater. I suspected that the valve was at fault as it was very stiff to operate and I had a shiny new one in my box of shiny new parts. So, the cable and pipes were removed from the old valve and the valve removed from the heater matrix. I then attached my hose pipe to the matrix and flushed it through until clear clean water was flowing out before fitting the shiny new valve, new rubber pipes and shiny new jubilee clips. Just the operating cable to attach now and job done. Well, it would have been if I hadn’t broken the pinch bolt doing it up too tightly.

It took a while but amongst all my “parts that will come in useful one day” supply, I found a new one that will do at a pinch (Haha! Get it? A pinch bolt that will do at a pinch! Hahahaha….ahem… sorry). The only trouble was that it was still attached to the brake cable on my daughters bicycle. She won’t miss it. The important thing was that it is now all back together. The heater still doesn’t work and the pipes to it aren’t getting even warm so I suspect an air lock. Anyone know how to cure this?

Having not yet fixed anything despite hours and hours of work, I thought I’d see if I could relocate my headlamp electrickery. First, I spent an hour looking for the inline fuse that someone said was behind the dash on the passenger side. It wasn’t there. Someone had decided to move it into the engine bay. It wasn’t the inline fuse though. It was fine.

So I followed the power wire from the fuse through the car dismantling stuff as I went to ease access and checking various connections with my trusty multimeter as I went. I found electrickery everywhere it should be and no holes in anything where it could leak out. I was now suspecting the master switch. Now this is only £20 for a new one (It really is!) so I wasn’t worried. I was worried however if the fire brigade would be able to get me back out from under the dash where I’d need to go to get to said switch.

When able, I checked the inlet side of the switch and there was electrickery. So I checked the outlet side and found none! Aha!! Then I turned it on and the power flowed. It wasn’t the master switch. I continued to follow the electrickery towards the column switch. I was a little nervous now because the column switch comes in 4 parts and each part is £20. To my vast relief though, I found the problem. There was a blockage preventing the electrickery going through the connector where the rear lights branch out.

Flushed with the success of my detective skills I went and added more parts to my shopping list. I managed to extricate myself from under the dash without the aid of the fire brigade so it may have been that I was flushed with.

Now, you know that picture from the interweb of the wrecked house that someone had painted “Got the Spider “ on?

I know, made me chuckle for ages. Well I’m not chuckling now!

Found the trickery gremlin!

I’d spent most of the day working on my car and hadn’t actually finished fixing anything other than a new shopping list of required parts.

I did manage to successfully fit the new number plates the girls bought me. After all 23rd of May was Poppy’s 50th birthday, so I had to do something nice for her.

I shut and locked the car door, tidied up, poured myself a glass of squash, fired up the computer and ordered more parts.

The next Friday afternoon with another box of shiny new parts, I set to with real conviction that today would be a productive day on the car!

With a lot of help from Emily I soon had the accelerator pedal assembly properly assembled and was finally able to get the carb properly tuned and had Poppy purring like a dream in no time.

Next I cleared the blockage in the wiring and had electrickery flowing where it should and fully functioning lights.

As you can see above, I’d made a bit of a mess of the original 50 year old under dash millboard when diagnosing the failure to light, but it was already in very poor condition so it gave me the excuse to buy the new one I’d been promising Poppy for a while. It was an absolute swine to fit and Emily learned lots and lots of new words but we got here in the end.

You can’t actually see it unless you are laying in the floor well, but if you do happen to find yourself laying in the floor well it now all looks rather lovely now.

Then I had to reassemble the radio and speaker, reconnect and refit the 12v supply/cigarette lighter and the electric washer pump switch. Along with the steering column and steering wheel. Of course, when I drove the car, the steering wheel was 90 degrees out but this was soon corrected. It is also a record for me as I removed the steering wheel twice in a week and didn’t break my nose.

I’m now very pleased with my interior.

We were on a roll so I went ahead and fitted the new horn that has been in my garage for a year. The steering column on the Herald is adjustable and the last time I had it apart, I think I set it too far forward as every time I went round a corner or over a bump the horn used to sound of its own volition which led to acute embarrassment and the odd fight. It kept touching the steering wheel boss and therefore earthing the horn. This time, I made sure I set the column further back.

Then, with Emily’s help, I changed the old horn which had gone from sounding when it felt like it to not sounding at all. Who’d have thought, the ability to do an arabesque would come in handy when working on a classic car.

I then gave her a quick wash to rid her of all the dust that had settled over the last week - Poppy that is, not Emily - and went for a lovely test drive on the country lanes. Poppy was running sweeter than ever and I was enjoying sounding the horn whenever I felt like it. Which was quite often. Just for giggles.

So finally, a productive day. Hopefully, I’ll have something else to write about soon but in the meantime, stay safe everyone and see you on the other side.

More by Mike Peake ...

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A tale of two lucky VDP's - Pt 11

28/5/2020

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by Andy Perman

So it was now October 2015. It was five years since I’d spotted and rescued the VDP from the scrap yard and it had been performing flawlessly since replacing the shimmy hub. It had picked up quite a few awards at various shows, been to the NEC and sparked many interesting conversations. So from my perspective this was great, but from a blog point of view it’s a bit vanilla.

That however was all about to change. I’d joined this new Facebook group called Enthusiasts of British Motor Vehicles and they were having a meet in Coventry. This was going to introduce me to a phenomenon now known as ‘Gar’ weather, something that is not seasonal or even desired. I’d also been told a chap called BL Dan wanted to see my car in the flesh, so there was no question, I was going.

The night before I watched in horror the ‘Gar’ weather forecast. It was awful, a band of very heavy rain the whole length of the country pretty much all morning, all blown in on a stiff wind. Well I’d driven back from the NEC the year before in pretty bad weather so it couldn’t be any worse than that, could it?

I’d set an alarm but it wasn’t required. The rain lashing on the roof woke me up about 6am. Unable to get back to sleep I got up and made an extra flask of strong coffee so I wouldn’t need to stop at the services half way and get soaked. I opened the workshop door to load the stuff and if a car could wear an expression it would have been ‘really’?

I set off early, about 7.30, but with about 180 miles in front of me it meant I could take it easy in the vile weather and not have to push the car too hard. The first leg along the M27 was uneventful, the wipers and lights all working hard but otherwise fine. The heater was producing plenty of heat and the car didn’t seem to be leaking which was a bonus.

My exit onto the M3 to take me in a more northerly direction was approaching so I moved over into the slip lane in readiness and felt a hiccup. Or did I imagine it? Ah, the cats’ eyes along the slip, must have gone over one of them. Five minutes later, another hiccup, unmistakable this time, something was not happy but I did what we all do when in denial, sped up a bit to ‘flush it out a bit’ and turned the radio up.

My denial lasted about five minutes more when the hiccups returned with all his mates and proceeded to rock the car whilst stealing all the power. I moved into the emergency lane and backfired to a halt, the wipers mocking me as they swept the now biblical rain from the screen. One final cough and the engine cut out, leaving an ignition and oil light glaring at me ‘really, told you so’.

Great, it was absolutely sheeting with rain and I’d failed to proceed on the hard shoulder of the M3. I’d tried to restart the engine but it was having none of it so resigned myself to having to take a look. Good job I’d packed some waterproofs - I was going to need them. They were however in the boot. I leapt out quickly and winced as the cold ‘Gar’ rain instantly soaked into my shirt. I ran to the boot only to find it locked, ran back to the car to get the keys, back to the boot where I could finally get the waterproofs out but by this stage it was far too late as I was already soaked right through.

With my ‘Gar’ waterproofs now on I popped the bonnet and had a cursory look. Everything was covered in a fine spray so I was sure the rain had played a part so grabbed a can of WD40 (other alternatives are available) and began the process of chasing the water out of the electrickery. This got the engine started, but rough and certainly not capable of the trip in front of it, so I slapped the dwell meter on the coil and Bingo! The reading was all over the place. I removed the points and grabbed some emery paper then jumped in the car to re-face the surfaces. And dry them out!

Re-faced and fitted I started the engine, still rough but the reading on the dwell meter was stable now, albeit out of spec. Quick adjustment and got it spot on, engine now happy idling smoothly. Then I spotted the cooling fan was running continuously. I’d left the override switch on! No wonder there was spray everywhere, it had sucked it in! Satisfied I shut the bonnet and jumped in then tried to wriggle out the waterproofs as only an overweight middle aged man can. Un-elegantly!

I switched off the cooling fan and pulled back onto the motorway, picked up speed and headed north. The rest of the journey was good, but the rain wasn’t. It didn’t let up for a second, lashing me all the way. Once I got through the horrendous road blocks and one-way systems in Coventry I found my way into the museum, more by luck than judgement and parked up. As if on command, the rain eased then stopped.

I was the new rookie on the block and didn’t know anyone but one thing I learned quickly is this is a friendly group and I was welcomed by smiles and cake. Lots of cake. Then I met BL Dan, a real enthusiast for anything British, but particularly Allegros. He had been man and boy at several large dealers back in the day when Allegros were commonplace and had a real soft spot for them. Shouts went up and the Admin chaps assembled in front of my humble VDP and the picture was taken that has become synonymous with BL Dan, this group and is still his profile picture to this day. Proud moment.

L-R Keith, Gar, BL Dan and Zebidee

My VDP beside the MK1 1500 Special

As ever the day flew past and as the light was fading it was time to head home, but not before getting my VDP alongside another rare MK1 1500 Special Allegro that had also joined us for a camera roll. Interestingly that Special now lives just along the coast from me in Bognor with a real Allegro nut, but that’s another story. The journey back was fabulous, no wipers required. The car safely stowed meant the end of another eventful season, but things were going to take a change; this group were about to embark on tours in the next year. In ‘Gar’ weather. Camping. In North Wales. In October.

If a car could have an expression…… Really?

To be continued.

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